


Forever Yours

by butimbroken



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3164981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butimbroken/pseuds/butimbroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy/Angel. Two co-workers who cannot stand one another thanks to their very complicated past. Mature Themes. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Taking in a deep breath, Lorne Greene sat down. He reached into his large desk and pulled out the last airplane-sized liquor bottle that he had hidden in there, specifically for times like these. 

Lorne could already hear the sound of them coming. He could already see in his mind's eye a good view of what else was to come.

Throwing away the bottle, he let out a large breath of air and laced his fingers together before him. He placed a smile on his face, looking toward the door.

It didn't take long though. After the briefest knock in history, it went swinging open. "For the last time... I can not, and I will not, work with that wretched woman!" Liam Angelus O'Connor all but bellowed out. 

Mister Tall, Dark and Handsome had hardly finished when the woman in question stepped inside. Buffy Summers threw a glare Angel's way before stepping further into the room until she was in front of their boss. "I can not for the life of me even begin to understand why this sad excuse for a man has a job with us. He has no business here, Lorne. None what-so-ever."

"Me? Oh, no Missy. I am doing my job just fine. Or, I suppose I should say that I would be doing my job just fine is someone would quit fucking everything up!"

"Need I remind you that your job does not involve any explicit-word-used in your retort there with anything and everything that crosses your ill-fated path?"

"What I do in my person life is my own damn business, you have no..."

The blonde gave a sharp laugh. "Your endless string of floozies parading through the halls, through our offices? Yes, that does make it my business, Angelus. It makes it everyone's business. You, Angelus, make it my goddamn business. But, you know what? We have pretty much all looked the other way, time and time again. And we did that because you have always had enough brains to keep it in your pants at the very least for when it came to our clients and their guests. Until now. Because apparently, the good fortune on that has run out."

Angel made a face and threw his arms up into the air. "What in the fucking hell are you talking about?"

Buffy ignored him and turned back toward Lorne. "He is flirting with the bride, Lorne. The goddamn bride!"

"I was not flirting with anyone!" Angel argued.

"Please," Buffy rolled her eyes. "They were this close to ripping one another's clothes off and just doing it right there in front of the whole wedding party."

"Yeah, Buf, I'm sure Mister Miller would have just loved that," Angel drawled out.

"Didn't look as though either of you, you especially, cared. And no, our poor groom probably wouldn't have, as he hasn't appreciated anything that you were doing." Buffy sighed. "Lorne, he wants to speak with you, and as I'm sure you've gathered, he isn't happy."

For the first time, Lorne spoke, "Angel, go get yourself something to drink, something to eat if you need it, then return so we can discuss this. Buffy, please head back down there, grab something nice and expensive for our lovely couple on your way, and hold the situation over until I get there."

"If you're going to fire him then I want to be here!" Buffy said with a wicked smile.

"I'm not firing anybody," Lorne told her with a sigh.

Buffy made a sound. "Fine, whatever. I'll see what I can do down there, but you had better hurry," she looked over her shoulder at Angel, "and do something with him, would you?"

Angel made a face her way.

OoOoO

"Angelcakes..."

"I wasn't doing anything," Angel cut in.

"Did you happen to do or say anything that could have been... construed perhaps a certain way?"

"She..."

"Not just by Buffy," he interrupted, "but by anyone. That including the new, overprotective, jealous groom by any chance?"

Angel sighed. "I wasn't flirting with the bride, or anyone for that matter," he finally spoke after a long pause, his voice tired.

And that was answer enough for Lorne. "I know," he replied. He knew Angel, as both his employee and as his friend, he knew Angel understood the rules, knew the lines not to cross, but he didn't always see how thin that line could be and how he managed to flirt with crossing it without, in his mind, really doing anything. In all honesty, he was just being himself, but sometimes that ended up causing trouble all on it's own.

OoOoO

Slipping off her heels, Buffy slid into her chair, sipping a glass of champagne she'd been dying for all evening as she went. "This is just the kind of thing that is prone to happen when you hire the biggest man-whore of the greater Los Angeles area. If not even on a wider scope than that."

"Buffy, he's good at what he does."

She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm talking about his photography, of course. He's the best we've ever had, probably the best anyone could ask for."

"Sometimes you do have to wonder if he's worth it though, and right now, I'm on the side of no, no he is not."

"Buf, go home, take a very long, very hot, and relaxing bath, get incredibly tipsy from this bottle of wine that I am giving you, and try and enjoy your weekend off. I will see you back here on Monday, alright?"

Buffy sighed. "Whatever."

OoOoO

When he was sure that everyone had left, Angel let out a breath that he felt as though he'd been holding the entire time. He rubbed his eyes, stretched out his legs from being huddled against his chest and let his head fall against the wall. He wasn't sure why he'd remained in the corner of his office after being told to head home after his meeting with Lorne, but here he was.

Taking several minutes to gather himself up, he stood, grabbed his bags and headed for the door, double checking his surroundings to make sure he was alone.

Satisfied, he continued on his way, putting his things away in the trunk of his car, getting in and driving toward the nearest bar to go find someone to take back to his place, all the while ignoring the voice-mail on his phone.

He wasn't ready to deal with that yet.

OoOoO

"Hey, big brother."

Angel peeled himself away from the drunken brunette he's been dry humping on his porch as he fumbled with the lock, much to both of their annoyance. "Faith," he greeted, peering over to his right.

"I did call," she said with a shrug.

He sighed, that was true. Many times in fact, he just never answered or listened to the increasing amount of messages she'd left. "What happened to Boston?"

"I'm pretty sure it's still there."

"That's funny. Why aren't you?"

Faith let out a sigh and fluffed her hair some, "Long story."

Angel nodded, of course it was. Looking back to his drunken girl, Angel gave an apologetic smile, "Look, I'm real sorry... uh, Cheyenne?... but..."

"It's Shelia."

"Right, Shelia. Sorry. Shelia, as you can see I had some rather unfortunate events come up..." he glanced at his sister, "so..."

"Whatever," she muttered angrily and started walking away.

"I can call you a cab?"

As an answer, he got a middle finger.

Faith laughed, standing up and grabbing her bags. "You sure know how to pick 'em."

"Yeah, yeah, come on. I take it you need a place to crash?"

"You know me so well!"

OoOoO

"You're up early." Faith said hours later.

"I'm a working man, Faith."

"Right, sure you are." She watched him quickly down some breakfast, just this side of grossed out by it. "Can I come?"

"What?"

"Can't I just come... hang out or something?"

"Faith..."

"I'll stay out of the way. I just... I don't want to be stuck here all day. By myself."

"You're free to go out and find something to do. Or, you know, call your mother."

She made a face. "I don't know my way around and oh, no, no way in hell am I calling her. She wouldn't understand, she never understands. And before you try and suggest it, there's a lesser chance I'm calling our father."

"Wouldn't dream of telling you to do such a thing."

"Good. Now, please?" she pouted.

"Christ, fine. But you better get dressed in record speed," he told her, which had her smiling and flying out of her seat to go get ready. "And you better do exactly as I say!" he called after her.

"You got it!" she yelled back.

He muttered a few curses under his breath.

OoOoO

"Wow," Faith breathed, taking in the office. "Just... wow."

Angel chuckled at her. "Yeah, it's pretty nice. Lorne... he really outdid himself."

"I'll say! Nice to see that someone's dreams came true though."

Angel nodded, showing her into the elevator. His mind wandering back to a time that felt so long ago for the ride. It brought back some bad memories with it, but for the most part some good ones of a happier time as well.

"Holy shit!" Faith let out as they reached their destination and stepped onto the floor. She was loud enough that a few passerby's happened to hear her which she quickly apologized for and held a hand over her mouth as she took this floor in, too.

"Way to make an impression," he whispered, putting a hand on her lower back and guiding her through, smiling politely at his co-workers as he went. "You know, there's a reason we don't have a 'bring your sister to work day' around here. And I'm pretty sure you're that reason," he told her, unlocking his office and showing her in.

Faith's eyes all but bugged out as she drank in the space. It was, unsurprisingly, quite impersonal but you couldn't deny it was impressive. Her brother had done quite well for himself and she was proud of him.

"Go ahead, snoop around," he told her with a smirk as he began to put his things away.

"I don't snoop," she joked before starting to explore the room. "You keep your office as empty as your home," she noted after several minutes. He looked up and made a face, looking around at the collective mess he had in here. "You know what I mean, it should be more... well, it should just be more."

"Yeah, Faith, that makes plenty of sense. Really."

She rolled her eyes at him then jumped as she heard someone knock on the door.

"Yeah? It's open," Angel called out.

Faith squealed in delight as she saw Lorne's familiar face pop in.

"Hey there, I heard you were coming in with him today, just had to see for myself," he greeted, wrapping his arms around the brunette.

"I've missed you!"

"And you too, puddin'."

"I've been telling the grouch over there how impressed and happy I am for you, for the both of you. Even if someone needs to make their space feel a little more homey."

"Well thank you, my dear. And yes, I keep telling him that myself."

Faith nodded. "I mean, think about it," she linked one arm together with Lorne's while the other waved across the room, "Get a few more of those paintings he loves so much and hang them up there, there and there," she pointed at the spots she liked the best, "perhaps there as well, put up one or two of those large advertisement posters, either in a large frame or just as they are, a few shelves, a few bookcases, fill them with his... whatever all that is on the floor, some books, knick-knacks, photos of his family," she smiled, "and whatever else, awards and certificates, some can go on there, some hung up on the walls, oh, get some of his favorite shots, frame them, just regular size, and have them displayed on the walls as well... so, you know, when someone comes in they can be wowed. A new desk, chair, and ... lack of organization system he's got going on there..." she made a face at the walls, "And this color, not him. You know, just for starters."

Lorne laughed and hugged her. "You're right, absolutely right."

"I happen to like my office just as it is, thank you."

They both chose to ignore him. "Just how long are you planning to stay in Los Angeles?"

Angel's head popped up at that, he knew he couldn't be the one to ask, at least not yet, but he was more than curious about what the answer was going to be.

Faith shrugged. "Haven't really decided that yet."

Lorne thought for a moment. "Well, how would you like a job?"

"What?" the siblings both question.

Lorne opened his hands up before him, "Well, we all know you have a knack for interior design, Faithy, and I just so happen to be re-doing my office, and thinking about doing the whole floor and a few of our other locations as well. Plus, as you've pointed out, your brother here needs some work done in here, as well. I'm sure there's others who'd love your advice and skills along with us."

Faith was squealing in happiness. Angel... not so much. "Lorne, could I speak with you... in private... for a second?"

Faith knew that tone and looked over at him. "Look, I wasn't exactly planning on moving here or anything, you know that. But... I'm here, and there's a good chance I will be for awhile. And I'm sorry for that, but I... I don't have anywhere else to go, Angel. And... I could use a job. I mean, I might actually like it. And I promise I'll do whatever you want, either of you want. I'll stay out of the way. I promise."

Angel sighed. He knew that was probably going to be the case, she'd be here until the next crazy idea came her way and she'd run with it. Until it came crashing down and she'd be back on his doorstep. This might actually be good for her. "Fine, whatever."

Faith jumped up and down in place then ran to hug them both. "I can save up and get my own place," Faith continued excitedly. She'd break out into these random talks every half fifteen minutes it seemed. "Doesn't mean it's exactly going to remain here, but for once, I can really do this. On my own. Not live off someone else or rely on someone else, not borrow for you or whatever."

Angel looked up from his computer and smiled at her. "I know, Faith. And you're more than welcome to stay with me as long as you want though, you know that. You're allowed to stay in LA as long as you want, too. Hell, you might like it."

"He's giving me a lot of responsibility though, just like that," she snapped her fingers.

"You'll be fine. He knows what you're capable of. And I'm not just referring to your designing skills."

"I know, it's just..."

"Faith. You'll do great."

She sighed. "Well, it will look great on my resume."

Angel lifted an eyebrow at her.

"Hey, a girl has to move on to bigger and better things," she said and they both laughed.

When he had a few spare moments, Angel decided to give Faith a quick tour of the floor and offices. Also took some time to introduce her to some of his-their-co-workers. She seemed to enjoy it and kept growing more and more excited with her new project, already going on and on about what she planned to do here and there. She'd become official on Monday but she was already letting the wheels turn and dishing out ideas. She and Lorne had already gone over some of the basics, her ideas, her schedule, the costs and some other details.

Angel was happy for her though. This was her dream, which she had chased after before, then let it go, would chase after, then let go again. This was without a doubt her luckiest break. He knew he could have offered her it before but with her, sometimes you just had to wait for the right time to come. And finally, it had.

"A lot of people sure seem to think I'm your latest 'lady friend,'" Faith commented after awhile.

He laughed, "Which would be why I am going out of my way to introduce and explain to everyone that you are instead my annoying baby sister."

Faith stuck her tongue out at him. "Jerk."

"You know you love me."

"Whatever. So where is she anyway?"

Angel gave her a confused look. "Who?"

"Buffy."

"Oh. Her. She's not... she's not working this weekend."

"Uh huh. Must suck, huh?"

"What's that?"

Faith rolled her eyes. "Having to work alongside the only woman you've ever loved. A woman who spent half of her life loving you back, the other cursing the day you were ever born."


	2. Chapter Two

Out of the corner of his eye, Angel caught a glimpse of blonde hair. He lowered his camera and cursed under his breathe quickly before returning to the task at hand. When she finally made her way over to him, Angel took in a deep breath, "And to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked sarcastically.

"Just checking in," she replied, giving the bride-slash-mother-to-be a quick one-over. He was afraid of what might be going through her mind, what she might say, but of course, she kept their history out of it, acting as though they had never happened. "I see that this time you did manage to get the bride naked," she joked.

"That's cute, real cute" he mumbled.

It was a spur of the moment idea, but the bride, Marcie Ross, was all for it. She was six and half months along, doing a solo shoot today, and he just felt inspired. She was strategically covered of course, but showing off all of her glorious curves, in the most tasteful and beautiful fashion by all means. He was quite proud of himself already.

"Didn't realize I needed a babysitter."

"You'd be the only one, Angelus. You'd be the only one." She smiled then walked away before he had a chance to say anything more.

She greeted some of the help then took a moment to talk with Marcie, see how she was, if there was anything she could do. She made sure to casually remind her of the next appointment they had together and then they just chatted about who knows what while he laughed in his head about how ridiculous this whole thing was.

After making some adjustments, Angel finally decided it was time to kick Buffy out of there and get back to work. "Miss Summers," he called out, "If you don't mind, I do have a few more shots that I'd like to get and then we will be done for the day, Marcie."

Buffy shot him a look, quick and fleeting but he caught it, then turned back to their client and smiled. She was standing up to leave when things decided to take a turn.

"Buffy Anne Summers!"

Startled, Buffy jumped a little, her face growing more confused by the moment. Even and especially after she saw just who was calling out to her. "Faith?"

"Faith!" Angel called out, "I'm trying to work here!"

Waving him off, Faith continued running her way down to Buffy and the girls shared some awkward smiles and then a hug.

"Faith, what in the world are you doing here?"

Angel sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "Working!"

"We'll go talk outside," Faith said with a roll of her eyes. "Come on."

"Great," Angel muttered.

OoOoO

"You're working here? With us?" Buffy questioned, taking a seat on the steps beside Angel's little sister.

Faith smiled, "Yeah. Random thing. Lorne didn't tell you?"

Buffy laughed softly. "No, that he did not. Then again, I only saw him for a few minutes when I first checked in this morning, and he left me alone over the weekend so..."

"Well, surprise!"

"Indeed. So what all are you planning to do?"

"Honestly, I'm not completely sure on that myself. But... I'm going to be doing some help with remodeling some of the rooms, designing them anyway. Sort of giving a make-over. Besides that, I guess just random things here and there. Helping my dumb ass brother out I would assume for the most part with whatever he might need."

"Well..." Buffy breathed. This was quite unexpected. "I'm glad you're here though. I can't believe how much you've grown up! How have you been? What all have you been up to? Have you been in LA long?"

Faith laughed, she knew this must be a tough thing for Buffy to have sprung on her. "I'm glad I'm here too, I think I need it. Life's been... kind of crazy, but it's getting better, so that's good. I've been well though. I've had my ups and to be honest quite a few downs but again, I'm getting myself on track. I actually just got into town at the end of last week. I had been living out in Boston for about six months but things took a turn and I needed somewhere to go so... Here I am. How about you? How have you been? Can't believe you and Lorne actually made this happen! It's so great!"

Buffy smiled at her, "Yeah, it is pretty amazing."

"Can't believe it's been so long since I've seen you." Suddenly Faith's eyes popped open. "Oh, my God! How can they be so insensitive?"

Buffy looked at her completely confused. "Faith, what are you talking about?"

"The... bride."

"What about her?" Buffy asked, still as confused as ever.

"She's, you know, pregnant," Faith actually whispered making Buffy laugh sadly.

"Faith, it's okay. It's seriously not a big deal. There's pregnant women all over the place."

"I know... but... then there's Angel, too and..."

"It's fine, Faith."

"Do you ever... wonder... what if?"

Buffy sighed. Upon seeing her, she knew something like this was bound to come up. "I'd be lying if I said no, sometimes I do, not very often mind you, but it used to be the only thing I ever did... playing the what if game. What if we'd never gotten together. What if I never had feelings for him, if he had never come around and returned them. What if we'd started sooner, or later... ended sooner or later than we did. What if he hadn't cheated, or if he had cheated more. What if we never slept together, what if we had more, if we'd started earlier or later. What if it hadn't mattered, what if I changed, or he changed. What if I'd never gotten pregnant, if I didn't lose it. If we never had that fight, if I'd been more careful. What if he'd cared, before or after, at any time. If it had all... if it had all just gone differently, if something, anything had been done different, gone differently. And trust me, I could go on for days and days with the thousands of things you could put alongside all of that, but like I said, I don't really think about it anymore. It doesn't do any good. I've moved on, he's moved on. It's like it never happened."

"Is that what you want?" Faith asked cautiously.

"To have it seem like it never happened?"

Faith nodded slowly.

"I wish it never did, but pretending it never did, acting as though it never did, trying to forget everything... that's the best I can do, so yes, that's what I want."

"I'm so sorry," Faith whispered, "For everything. Including the whole... I guess having to take sides things in all of this and losing you as a friend and everything else."

Buffy shrugged. "You're his sister, Faith. And again, it's fine. It's all in the past. I mean, I do have more than my fair share of current issues with him, but everything else, everything from before... that's where it stays."

"I hope that maybe now we can..."

Buffy smiled and pulled her in for a hug. "That door has always been open and I hope we can rebuild the once great friendship we shared. I do think I should be heading back to the office for now however, but we'll get back together and get more in detail with what all we've been missing out on in one another's lives huh?"

OoOoO

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Why do I always get this sinking pit in my stomach whenever someone asks that, especially when it's someone such as yourself?"

Faith made a face at her new boss.

"Fine, go ahead."

"Exactly what in the hell were you thinking hiring the two of them?"

Lorne held out his hands before him, "Well, it's not like I planned it!"

Faith broke out into laughter, "Calm down, I'm just asking!"

He sighed. "I mean, okay, once upon a time I had planned it, or rather, I'd hoped for it, but things just... came together in the end anyway. Buffy and I built this place up then one random day... there was Angel. He happened to be a guest at a wedding we were doing, a wedding in which on the day our then main photographer decided to grow the biggest diva-tude and walked out on us. He saved the day. And the rest..."

Faith shook her head in disbelief. She'd known he was working here but they never really went into it, his fault of course. Suddenly she burst into laughter, earning another look from Lorne. "Sorry, I was just... memories flooding me. Us as kids always hanging around that old motel, playing wedding on the main floor..."

Lorne laughed along with her. "That's how it all started."

"Just think though, you could have ended up with our second most favored game and be running a restaurant instead."

Lorne rolled his eyes at the thought. "I was never good at a single thing about it, but it did always seem like fun!"

OoOoO

"Angel!"

"Yeah?"

"I have the best idea floating in my head right now I can hardly stand it!" Faith squealed into the phone, "Please tell me you still have some of the old photographs from when we were kids."

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific."

"The wedding days from when we were younger."

Angel sighed, "Why?"

"Like I said, I have an idea floating in my head and was hoping to use them as part of it. Sort of showcase not only your past.. but in a way the whole company, too. I'm not quite sure what all it might be helpful for but I'm still working on that. This making any sense?"

He sighed again, Lorne had mentioned something almost similar a long time ago. Truth be told there could be a lot of uses for what they were all leaving in the past. "Yeah," he finally answered, "I think I've got some back at my place. If not, probably some in storage or something."

"Great, we can go hunting for them later and you can help get my mind focused on what it is I'm trying to pull off."

"Sounds like a plan." Though he wasn't as thrilled about it as she was. Nowhere near it in fact. Digging through any part of his past... never something he found to be much of an exciting event.

OoOoO

"Angelus!" Buffy called out the following morning, "Just the man I want to see."

"Great," he muttered. 'This can't be good.'

"One of your, well, let's just call them whores... decided she'd stop by and, for some reason completely unknown to me, has decided to talk, non-stop, to me the entire time that she has been here."

He sighed in annoyance at her, and the whole situation, then tried peering around the corner to see if he could get an idea on who this woman in question might be. After all, it could be just about anyone with him. "It's not like I tell any of them where I work or how to find me," he mumbled out loud.

"Do I look like I care?" Buffy snapped.

"Yo, way to hold the elevator!" Faith's voice rung out before he could snap back at her. "Wow, hostility much?" she let out looking between the former couple. "What'd I miss now?"

"Nothing to write home about, Faith, just Buffy doing her best to remind us that she is reigning Queen Bitch of these parts. You know if that stick in your ass gets shoved in any higher Buf, we might have to take you to a doctor."

Buffy gave a slow and wicked grin, a sure sign that she was about to unleash hell, but before she got her chance, Faith grabbed her brother's arm, said a quick goodbye to her friend, and all but dragged him away from the danger zone.

"Angelus," a thankfully unfamiliar voice purred moments later, followed by a less sex-filled, "Who is this?"

Faith raised her eyebrows at her brother as a sign of her basically ask the same thing.

Annoyed, Angel shifted his bag from one shoulder to the other as he searched for the keys in his pocket... and his mind for the girl's name. "Uh..." it never came, "you? This is my younger sister, Faith Lehane."

"Oh," the girl breathed then smiled brightly, "Aww! That's so cute! I didn't know you had a sister. Wait, Lehane?"

Faith rolled her eyes. "Same father, we both just decided to use our own mother's maiden names."

"Oh," she repeated, "whatever." Deciding to forget Faith's existence, the nameless girl closed the distance between herself and Angel, pressing her body against his, mouth meeting his with a sloppy kiss, her hands making a public show of its exploration.

"Okay, gross," Faith said throwing her own bag down at the door. "I'll just... go away now, thanks."

OoOoO

As he ran into them in the hall, Lorne was told the bad news. It didn't come a shock, after all, this is was Liam Angelus O'Connor, but besides that, he'd already heard the news through the impressive gossip grapevine and had even seen the trollop in question earlier.

What did come as a shock was as he was planning to pass by his friend's office to get to his own, he witness Angel brushing the girl off and sending her on her way.

And this wasn't this first time. In fact, this seemed to be becoming a surprisingly more of a common occurrence. "Very interesting," Lorne said slyly as he got closer and she got further away.

Angel looked up after he got his door unlocked. "What's that?" he asked, pushing the door open and entering, kicking in Faith's bag as he went.

Lorne pointed in down the hall toward the direction the girl had gone.

Angel shrugged. "Some things seem like a much better idea at the time."

"She was cute."

"Not what I mean."

"You seem to be turning down female companionship quite often these days," he noted.

Angel made a face. "Been checking up on me, have we?"

"Just making an observation. I do tend to pay more attention to you though, yes. You're my friend and I worry about you."

Angel laughed. "You're worried because I've turned down a few offers for a quick lay in my office?"

Lorne shook his head. "No, I was worried when you weren't turning them down."

Angel was silent for a very long time, a lot of things playing on his mind. Finally, with a lot of internal debate raging inside, Angel said the most honest thing he'd ever spoken. "I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be that guy anymore."

"Well, it's about time."

Angel sighed.

OoOoO

"Okay, so where would my big, fancy office be located?"

Buffy looked over her shoulder and laughed. "You do realize you just started yesterday, right?"

Faith laughed with her. "Yeah, but hey, I figure... close friend that I am and all I could pull a few strings? Besides, I cannot share an office with him. I'm pretty sure I won't last very long living with him either at that. But one thing at a time."

Buffy nodded, "I can understand that, hold on one second," she told her friend before dropping a few files off with some colleagues. "You have lived with him before," she returned to the conversation when she was done.

"True, but I think I always block all of these things out about him once I'm back out there in the real world."

"That's a good plan. But alright, I'll see what I can do about getting you somewhere to call your own around here. Until then, my office is right over here and you're free to use it. Or to hide out in or whatever."

Faith paused for just a moment and smiled to herself, before having to run back up to catch her, following her into her other temporarily shared work space.

OoOoO

Faith did her best to concentrate on what she was doing but it wasn't easy. There was the fact Buffy was one busy ass woman, but also just the fact it was just mesmerizing to watch her.

"You have the goofiest grin on your face right now. What are you thinking about?"

Faith laughed, "You."

"Me?"

"Yes. I've been watching you and just remembering the funniest things. I can see you stomping halfway up the stairs, red-faced and looking ready to kill somebody shouting 'Where are the flowers? Why isn't there music playing? Why is my bride eating chocolate?'"

Buffy had to laugh as Faith shook her fists in the air mocking her with that last one. "I could be a bit over-dramatic."

Faith laughed with her and nodded. "Yeah, yeah... you sure could."

"Well, I just wanted everything to be perfect. And I hadn't quite figured everything out yet. But, I think it served me well in the end, thank you."

"You know, last night Angel and I went through some of the old photos from back then."

"Oh, yeah?"

She nodded happily. "Yeah, it's so funny to look back at all of them. Especially ones in which you two had been assigned to be the couple or at least one half of it," she laughed again. "You both look so annoyed. He wants to be hiding behind his lens, you wanting to be running the show."

"I did make for one lousy bride, didn't I? I think that maybe I knew, even then, that I was much better at being on the outside."

"Maybe you just haven't found your right guy?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Don't even get me started on that subject."

OoOoO

"People are talking."

"People are known to do that from time to time."

Faith rolled her eyes and entered the room, shutting the door behind her. "I hope I'm not the cause, well, the full cause or anything of this insanity bestowed upon the world of the great Liam Angelus O'Connor," she said dramatically. "I mean, I am fully aware of your man-whoring ways you know, and as much of a fan of it I might not be, I get it."

"Point please?"

She sighed, taking a seat. "I'm just saying... I don't want to impose on you."

"You're not. Well, you are, but you're not. Don't worry about it."

"Angel, you're legendary around here to these morons, to other morons out there in the real world. You're famous for it. This whole thing you've got going on... practically never going home alone, for never taking the same woman home twice, your meet-ups here at the office, and, well, anywhere for that matter. And people are starting to worry. And notice. And talk. I don't want to put a dent in your... lifestyle here or anything."

"It's fine, Faith. I'm fine. There is more to me than my extensive sexual track record, you know."

"That's not what I was implying at all." Faith sighed. "You're not like sick or anything are you?"

Angel turned around to glare at her. "No, Faith, I am not. Thanks."

She threw her hands up. "Sorry. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on is all."

"Is it really that big of a deal?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"I don't know. Is it?"

OoOoO

Angel was beyond glad when the time for his next appointment rolled around, it gave him an excuse to get away from Faith and Lorne and everyone and their sticking their nose in his business. He could hardly explain what had been going on with him the past few months, especially these past few weeks since Faith arrived, to himself let alone anybody else.

How did he explain that this life he was leading just wasn't the one he wanted he anymore. That this life he did love, that he'd worked so hard for, it just wasn't working. That he wanted more, wanted something else.

He had fully enjoyed it, for the most part... the partying, the boozing, the sex, the adventures, the admiration... He had loved the feeling of going somewhere, having a good time, catching some strangers eye, taking her home and having his way with her, then bragging about it the next day. He had loved women tracking him down, showing up at his work, giving him another go. He loved the attention, from the women and those watching the show.

Until he didn't. 

Until it became a chore, until it became boring, until it became the only thing keeping him for a breakdown.

He had given up his office sexcapades, but until Faith showed up, he had still brought some nameless, faceless girl home every night so he wasn't bombarded with feelings he didn't understand, thoughts filled with disgust and regret. He used Faith as an excuse in some ways to stop, but she didn't take it away... in fact, he was pretty sure she made it worse sometimes.

He wanted more than this. He wanted something that mattered.

One day, he stepped away from the camera and looked beyond the lens... and he saw these people, these couples. He saw what they had, he saw their lives. He looked beyond a snapshot and into the rest of the world. He didn't know exactly how he was going to get... whatever it was he was searching for... but he'd finally made up his mind that he could try for it at the very least.

Only he had no idea how to even start.

OoOoO

"Sometimes I forget that you're actually good for a thing or two around here," Buffy commented as she looked over his latest shots.

"Well, gee, thanks, Buf. If only I could say the same about you," he said with a tilted head and a smile.

"Children," Lorne warned and they both rolled their eyes and went back to looking at the photo-covered tabled.

"Which one did you like best again?"

Angel moved closer to her, putting his arm around her and holding her side as he reached around to grab the correct one. "Here."

Buffy swallowed and let her gaze drift from his hand touching her around to his face which was dangerously close to her at the moment. "Thanks," she breathed before shaking herself back into reality and stepping out of his grasp, turning her attention to the photo in her hand.

She hated those moments, those few and far between moments, where she forgot that she was no longer that little girl drooling over him. Those moments when she forgot all that had happened to all but destroy that little girl.

Angel let his hand drop to his side and his eyes down to the floor, stepping away from the table as she worked. He hated when she got that look in her eye, like she suddenly remembered everything he'd done wrong to her all over again. She quickly hid it, no surprise, that's what she did, what she always did, but he saw glimpses of it.

Sure, they fought like cats and dogs, sometimes being horrendously vile to one another, but nothing could compare to the past.

After figuring out which photos to show the couple, the three of them sat down and went over their schedules.

OoOoO

Angel didn't find himself going home alone that night.

"Okay, okay. Point taken," Faith grumbled the next morning, making a disgusted face at the girl passed out naked on the couch.

It took him a moment to remember their talk from the day before. 'Right," he grumbled, feeling disgusted with himself.

OoOoO

"Angel, what a surprise," Lorne greeted as the photographer came into his office. "You do realize you're not supposed to be working today, right?"

"Yeah," he answered and sighed, taking a seat. "I had to get some blonde out of my house. She wouldn't go though so I just made up an excuse about work... then once I got away from her... well, I had nowhere else to go so..." he shrugged. "Plus, I did some thinking... and I think that I'm going to need some help."

"Oh? Help with what exactly?"

"I don't know," he answered with another sigh, rubbing a hand down his face. "I just... I don't know how to go about all of this, how to actually make this change or whatever happen. I'm not just talking about last night but, you know, trying to move forward. Or whatever."

Lorne sat back in his chair and looked his friend over for a moment. His eyes were staring up at the ceiling, he was practically laying in the chair, rolling it from side-to-side. "Well, if you're shooting for this whole family man image... you're probably going to need to start with the girl."

"I don't know how."

Lorne laughed.

Angel stopped spinning but didn't look down. "I don't know how to get to know someone, ask someone out on a date, how to date. I don't know how that works. I don't know how these date timelines progress, what to do or whatever."

"You've dated before."

"Not really. I mean, yes, I had girlfriends in high school and college but I don't think those exactly count. The closest thing I ever had to that was with Buffy. And even then... I was fucking that up. There was the fact she was in high school and I was in college and our dates were of that, then there was the fact I was dating two other girls at the same time just in a lesser scale. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to date, to be in a committed relationship. I don't know how to be faithful to someone."

"Angel..." Lorne started to say something but nothing else would come. They all usually made it a point to not talk about these things, especially the former relationship of his two favorite employees. Nothing good could ever come of it. "You do realize you're asking 'me' about how to talk to girls right?" he finally joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Angel chuckled. "Hey, you're all I got." He sat up and just looked around the room for awhile. "Guess I can talk to Faith about it, too. Not that that is something I'm going to want to do or look forward to."


	3. Chapter Three

The vehicles were all filled with silence as the group headed toward the hospital. 

There had been a bittersweet mix at the office over the past few days as everyone got their assignments together as quickly as they could and tried to prepare themselves for all that was to come... in every sense.

Buffy felt Lorne wrap his arm around her shoulder and tilted her head to look up at him, both sharing a sad smile and blinked back tears.

They waited for everyone else still left to join them, took a deep breathe, then headed inside.

Entering the room, Buffy smiled and hurried to hug Wesley then made her way over to the bed to Fred, congratulating them both and everyone else followed in line doing the same. Buffy felt her heart breaking more and more with every passing second. It just wasn't fair, the hand these two had been dealt.

They had met when Fred was still in high school, Wes a young college student who had come to speak at her school with one of his professors. He'd been in town for a few weeks and became friends with her, though she'd been seeing someone at the time.

A few short years later their paths had crossed again, this time at a party. She'd come to visit a friend and tagged along. She and her high school boyfriend had broken up and she wasn't serious with anyone at the time but this time he was. They'd spotted each other at the get-together, spoke and caught up, then went their separate ways.

That was, until life threw them back together once more.

Within the same month the two of them found themselves living in the same town and working at the same company. Unfortunately, their office had a rule against co-workers having relations... so, for awhile... they remained friends. But when they realized how badly they wanted more, Wesley quit the magazine and decided to pursue a career in teaching. He was still writing on his own free time, this time focusing on his own novels which is another life long dream he'd had. Fred stayed at the magazine, she did like it there, neither of them had any issue with the company itself, only that one small problem about not allowing them to see one another. So, when that was out of the way... they went for it.

It was three months later when they began to notice Fred getting increasingly sick. She put it off for another month before Wes finally talked her into going to see a doctor as she was only getting worse. They admitted her, ran their tests, had her stay the night... then, the news came out mid-afternoon the next day.

She was terminal. And there wasn't much much chance she'd even live to see six more months.

But she had.

She'd been fighting for over a year now. But now it seemed she'd lost the upper hand. Her doctors weren't even sure she'd make it through another months. If that.

Wesley had asked her to marry him once before, and was given an enthusiastic yes as an answer. They'd come to Forever Yours and began throwing out ideas, though it was quite a ways off, Fred had a certain date in mind for the two of them.

When she began to get sick again, she gave him back his ring, but Wes never left her side. No matter how hard she tried to push him. He stopped bringing up the wedding and any major plans to the future when he noticed how bad it would upset her, but he wasn't giving up.

When he had to bring her back in the day before, he sat beside her, watched as they ran their new tests, listened as they gave them even more bad news, held her as she fell apart, let her hold him as he fell apart. Then he asked her for her hand once more. And didn't take no for an answer. It wasn't going to be the wedding she had wanted, that she'd had planned in her head, when she wanted it, how exactly she wanted it... but he was going to give it to her. And they were all going to do their best to make it be even better than what she had imagined before. 

They had to.

This was their friend. This was a couple they knew, they loved, they all cared about. And these were the kind of people, the kind of magic that this company was made for.

Sure, every single wedding they had put together meant something but these were what made them truly appreciate it and know they were doing something good in the world.

At her request, Buffy climbed into the bed next to Fred and hugged her close once more after laying her bag and laptop down, holding her files on her lap. Their small group all huddled into the room, taking seats or standing against the wall.

Buffy watched as Angel excused himself out of the room to go find some more for everyone. Wes went to go help him.

"I'm sorry," Fred whispered into Buffy's ear, "I realize we picked the worse possible day for this for you."

Buffy leaned back and looked at her in complete confusion. Her mind was so muddled these days.

It did finally hit her though when Fred gestured with her eyes and she thought through the chaos and fog. She gave herself only a half of a second to feel anything for herself before giving a small smile to her friend. "Please don't think of it that way or worry about it all," she whispered back. "I'm fine. And I'm happy for you. I'm glad we could come in and do this for you."

She found herself unable to look in Angel's direction after that, though.

OoOoO

Angel felt... well, there wasn't any real way to explain just what he was feeling. As with everyone else, he was happy for these people he'd come to be friends with but heartbroken over what was happening otherwise to them. He also felt so out of place as he sat there for the meeting. He knew he'd been feeling off in every which way one could probably think of these days, but this was a new kind added to the mix with everything else.

He got sick of his lifestyle. His sister showed up. Work was unusually stressful for this time of year. He had started trying out relationships.

He dated a few times, then grew semi-serious with one of the ladies though nothing felt right. He knew he was staying for nothing but wrong reasons, like not wanting to admit failure, being afraid he was never going to find anyone... so on and so forth, but there he was.

He'd noticed Buffy began up her own new relationship, looking like it was getting a little more serious by the day as well, though hers seemed to be on track. Much better than his. And it bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

Then he'd put that off as it being this time of year. He'd always been unable to fully push everything out of his mind, unable to keep it all from pushing it's way to the front of everything else. He was disgusted with himself that he didn't even know the date in which she'd lost their child, only the general time frame.

And this year seemed to be harder than any before it, for a number of reasons. And it was shaking him up.

Then there was everything between these two. And it was just a lot going on.

He'd had a lot of experience when it came to losing people, he just never lost anyone like this before. He'd never witnessed someone he loved becoming ill and watching them fade away. He'd dealt a lot with death, but not... this.

OoOoO

When Fred became too tired to talk business anymore, everyone said their goodbyes, congratulated them both once more, sent their well wishes, promised to see them both soon and so on.

Buffy sighed, still in bed with her friend, watching Lorne take Wesley out into the hall for a final word. She laced her fingers together with the brunette and just sat there for a long moment. "Have I ever told you how glad I am you decided to show up at your cousins wedding?" she asked softly, making them both smile.

The two of them got lost in thought and soothing conversation of the events that lead to their own meeting. A wedding being planned, an invitation being sent, the evening going down, a certain guest arriving. Fred had ended up writing an article about their group and everything just continued to snowball from there. They became close, both professionally and personally. All of them really. Their entire staff adored both Fred and Wesley and Fred's magazine had always been very warm to them, their staff always very friendly, too.

There'd been the wedding, then article, a thank you basket, a dinner and the rest was history.

Buffy stopped mid-sentence when she heard Fred let out a small snore. Buffy leaned her head against her friends and silently promised her she'd make everything perfect for them.

After brushing her hair out of her face and kissing her temple, Buffy slowly removed herself from Fred's side and gathered her things up. She gave one last long look before writing a note and walking out of the room.

Lorne and Wes were still talking though Lorne said he'd be right down. Buffy hugged the British man quickly and told him to call her if... if he needed to talk... about anything, if something happened... whatever the case, then left them alone to take care of their business.

She hurried to the elevator and breathed a sigh when everyone cleared out. She hurried to press her floor and prayed no one would be joining her as she didn't know how much longer she could hold it together.

When a hand came flying between the closing doors, Buffy already had the first few escaped tears running down her face, but when it was Angel who stepped in to join her, she couldn't help herself. She fell down to the floor and curled her knees up to her chest and bean crying her heart out.

OoOoO

Angel hadn't wanted to hold everyone up, but he badly needed a few moments to himself after the meeting with Wesley and Fred.

He gave his keys to one of the co-workers who had rode in with him and told them to go ahead and pile in, saying that he needed to use the restroom and see if he could find a vending machine. Which was true, he had also really needed to pee and did find a vending machine before catching the elevator.

After using the restroom, Angel washed his hands then splashed some water on his face and took several more minutes than he'd intended in there trying to get himself together.

Two male nurses had even tried to check him out as he was looking so ill.

When he finally felt brave enough to face the world, Angel walked a few halls over until he found the vending machines. He was a bit thirsty so was happy to grab a soda but he only added the chips and a snack cake because he felt he should eat something, not because he wanted to. He honestly wasn't sure he could but he knew he should probably try.

Next, Angel headed back the other way and ran to catch the closing doors of the elevator.

OoOoO

Angel felt like he'd just been sucker punched in the stomach as his eyes landed on her, only to get worse as he took a closer look at her face, her eyes, then felt he was ready to hit the floor just as she did. Angel watched as she slid down to the floor, huddling her small body in the corner, shaking with sobs feeling as though he was going to throw up at any moment.

He almost jumped out his skin as the doors shut them in this small space together and made some dinging and vibrating noises as it went about its business.

And before he even knew what he was doing, Angel's hand shot out to the button board and pressed the next floor down before trading the snacks in his arms for his ex-girlfriend.

"Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded as he bent to the ground beside her, wrapping his arms around her. She swatted at him when she felt herself rising and then being carried out a few moments later.

Angel ignored her and proceeded through the hallways searching for a quiet place to take her to.

Giving up, he eventually decided on one of the smaller waiting rooms he found on the floor. It wasn't ideal, wasn't very closed off but he figured it would do. There were only a handful of visitors so it wasn't too hard to find a small space in the corner, out of the way of everything, at least the best they could do right now.

He carefully sat her down in one of the chairs, ignoring the looks she was shooting him, and then plopped down beside her.

Buffy remained still, quiet and glaring for a long breathe before everything seemed to come crashing back down on her once more. She pulled her legs up into the chair with her, once again pushing up to her knees against her chest as the tears began falling freely, choking as she tried to breathe through it all.

Angel tried to reach his hand back out to her but she slapped him away. He sighed and looked at the ground, running his palms nervously down his thighs and shifted in his seat. He didn't even know why he was trying. Or, well, truthfully he did he just knew it was a dumb mistake. Just like it was the one and only other time where he tried to be comforting to her since... everything.

He wasn't going to let it go so easily this time though.

"Look, Buf..."

"Angel," she choked out, "please just shut up and go away."

He sighed again. His mind went reeling back to a shitload of memories, better times before everything that happened happened.

He could play countless times this scene had played out between them in his head, times where he'd do exactly this when she'd needed him to, picking her up out of some situation and carrying her off to some place safe so she, or they together, could work it out. He could see clear as day when he'd run an interruption for her and give her a way out of some sticky situation, where she'd be hurt and he'd take her some place and get her clean up, where she'd fall apart like this and he'd help hide her from the world while she let the tears run out. There had always been a way, there had always been somewhere he could take her and it just be the two of them for a little while when she needed it.

Angel shifted once again in the chair, situating himself so he could lean his neck against the back of it. "We used to be friends, Buffy," he said softly, his head tilted her way.

This pissed her off to no end but it also squeezed her heart all the more, making the tears fall harder.

"I just..." he sighed. "I thought you could use a few minutes to yourself. She's... Fred's your friend, one of your best friends, Wes too and I... I thought you could maybe use a quiet moment to let it out and gather yourself back up. And... I don't know... I just... I used to be your friend... and used to be there for you... and..."

"Angel, I appreciate what you're trying to do," she whispered, hiccuping through it, "but I just can't with you okay? I can't deal with... you. Not today."

"Buffy..."

"Angel, please? I'm begging you to just leave me alone for one day. This day. This one day. Just please."

Angel closed his eyes and moved his head to face forward, titled up at the ceiling. The tone of her voice, that look in her eyes, the hand that seemed to instinctively move to her stomach all day whenever he'd speak or move or do much of anything suddenly came to him... He got the message. But he didn't move away. 

"I didn't know it was today," he finally spoke after several minutes.

Buffy made a strangled noise at him. "You don't even remember what day it was?" she asked but then wanted to kick herself a half second later. One, she shouldn't have been surprised, Two, she never wanted to talk about this with him. Especially not right now.

Angel's eyes popped open and he glared her way. He made himself take a deep breathe before responding. "You never told me what day it was," he still gritted out some before softening, "And I never asked."

She made another noise. "I called you and told you..."

"No," he butted in, his voice still soft and his pain obviously shining through, "Buffy, you called me and left me a message, that's true, but you just flippantly passed it along that you'd... uh... you know... 'the other day.' You didn't specify anything to me about it."

Buffy went quiet this time, her mind going back to that time. She didn't fully remember the call she'd made, or much of anything from that general time except the major events, but she figured she'd probably done something like that after giving it some thought. "I wasn't even going to tell you, you know," she all but whispered, wiping at her tear-stained face, looking away from him and at the wall beside her, "I knew you didn't care, but I couldn't stop myself anyway. I figured you should know I guess."

"I'm glad that you did... And... Buf, it's not that I didn't care..."

"Yes, it is," she cut in, her voice harder. "You never cared about anything."

"That's not true."

Buffy felt fresh, burning tears spilling from her eyes again and angrily wiped them away as well. "You were my best friend, Angel. You were my entire fucking world," she told him. "One day, there we were, both standing outside in our yards, each with our mothers. I start yelling over to you, you yell back. And guess what? You become the first friend that I ever make."

Angel started to talk but she wouldn't let him get a word in.

"A few short years later, our parents start letting us go over to one's another's houses. That way we could hang out and play and do whatever. You become my goddamn best friend all the fucking more, Angel. You beat up Jack O'Toole for teasing me on the bus my first day of school. You were my first and only crush. I spent my entire young adult life being your little sidekick. Being the girl next door. The best friend who was pining after her best friend. Her best friend who, as he grew older, became 'that guy.' You were the best friend who never noticed I was in love with him, as he was too bust turning into 'that guy.'"

Angel shifted in his seat.

"You were a few years older than me. You were popular. And every girl who laid eyes on you would swoon over you. They had ever since the damn day you were born. And one you got passed the whole girls and cooties stage of childhood, you became the guy who would chase after anything that crossed your path. Except me!" Buffy angrily wiped away the latest strands of tears from her face. She was starting to shake again. "And me? I watched you be this person. I watched as you did... what you do. Then. Then! One day, you finally did see me. Hell, it was that fucking Hollywood moment. The moment were the boy best friend wises up to all that has been in front of him the entire goddamn time. My wish seemingly had come true." Buffy laughed with zero humor to it. "Only... it didn't. The movies all leave you with this happy ending, they don't show the real truth. They don't show that no one ever really changes. That the boy finally sees the girl, but it's not enough. She's not enough. They don't show that the girl doesn't changes. They don't show that he ends up just fucking her over, too."

"Buffy..."

"And here, as I witness you move on from one girl to the next to the next. As I watch you leave a trail of broken hearts. As I watch you do everything you did to me countless times to everyone else... I'm just as much to blame for it all. Because my dumb ass should have known better. But guess what? My dumb ass didn't. I was stupid enough, cocky enough, to believe that I could change you. Just as every other dumb ass girl before me had thought, too. And given what you and I had? What we had always had? I thought that it meant something more. But it didn't. It didn't mean anything."

"Buffy..."

She shook her head. "I was dumb enough to believe you would change for me, Angel. For us. That little ol' me would be enough for you." Buffy laughed bitterly at that. "But, of course, I wasn't. I found out the truth. And I was... I was so... so stupid. I was stupid enough not to even care. I mean... I did... but I didn't. I was that fucking in love with you, Angel. I sat there and I told you that it was fine. I told you that you could do whatever you wanted and with whomever you wanted. Just as long as I didn't lose you." Buffy shook her head again. "But I did. I did anyway. Because you didn't even want me at all. No, you just cast me the fuck aside. And not only that. Not only did you throw me away as if I were nothing. But you then took every opportunity you could find to throw it in my face after that. And you had never, not once, done anything like that with anyone else. But you sure did it with me."

"Buf..."

"So. Not only was I wrong about... well... everything. But then there was this. I thought that I might mean more, but it turns out that I had managed to scrap the bottom of the barrel with you, Angelus. You treated me worse than anyone. And then... when I found out that I was pregnant. When I came to tell you?" Buffy thought she was going to throw up. "Th-the things you said to me, Angel. And what you did to me after that point. Fuck! I thought it had been bad before... but you just went and took it to a new level after that. Every opportunity you got, you managed to say something hurtful to me. You managed to throw in my face whoever you were screwing that week. Went out of your way to point out to me how much you didn't give a shit about any of it. About me. About us. About the baby. About what you were doing to me. You set out to me in any which way you could come up with."

"I..."

"Then, then when I finally... finally get tired of it. When it got to the point where I couldn't take anymore. I come to you, crying, begging you to stop. And you... you were just... you were awful to me that night. Then... the next fucking thing I know, you're gone. You left school. You left town. You left." Buffy hugged her legs even closer to her body, remembering. "The one and only time that we spoke was when I called you three weeks later. Letting you know that I had lost the baby. And you... you never came. You never showed up. You never called, never wrote. You never told me that you were sorry. Hell, you never said that you were fucking happy that I lost the baby and praise Jesus for it. You never asked how I was. You never once checked up on me. You. Weren't. There. I never fucking saw you or heard from you again until that wedding, until you started working for us. So, yeah, Angel, I'm pretty sure that it's safe to say that you never fucking cared and nothing ever mattered to you."

And after letting a good majority of everything she'd been bottling up for years, Buffy pushed herself out of that seat as quickly as she possibly could and ran off.


	4. Chapter Four

Angel wasn't sure how long he'd remained in that seat, staring off behind the long gone blonde who had done an excellent job of reminding him how much of a fuck up he had been and to this day still was. But he did find himself finally snapped out of his daze by some older woman's voice as she spoke to, as he learned, her son.

Cringing, he turned his head to take her in, wishing he wouldn't have. She looked just about as she sounded, though she sure did the job.

Shaking his head, he faced forward again, doing his best to block her out again and focused on what had happened earlier.

After replaying it in his head a good number of times, Angel let out a shaky breath followed by a muttered slow and drawn out "Fuck." His back popped a few times when he stood and his hands began reaching for his cell phone as he started walking out of the small waiting room, heading for the stairs this time. He didn't feel up to the idea of what would happen if he went back to the elevator right now.

He cursed under his breath once more as he walked through the hallway, dodging wandering patients, family members of the admitted, nurses, doctors as he looked over how many missed calls he'd had. Given he'd been in here, the phone had been turned off, but he was low on caring about that at this point.

Slamming the door open to the stairwell, Angel pushed his phone up to ear to check the many voice-mail messages he'd been left. He had a good idea the majority of these were going to be from Lorne. The first many were from the small group he'd driven here, but like he'd suspected most were from his boss. And those messages ran from irritated, annoyed, upset to worried. There were also two other random ones that he had but he deleted one the second he heard the first word and saved the other for a later time. He also cut his listening in half, stopping to call a cab company after he heard the news that they'd actually left without him. Taking his friggin' car.

'Who does that?' he wondered angrily in his mind.

Then, after he got everything straightened out with the cab, he returned to his messages. He knew it probably would have been smart to actually return the calls but he wasn't quite ready for that just yet.

When the cab pulled up, Angel rethought his decision not to call Faith for a ride. He now wished he would have. After all, the idea of not doing so just to avoid her line of question was most likely useless as she was one of them now and sooner or later, bets on sooner, she'd find out everything, if she hadn't already. But, it was a little too late for that so he got in with a grimace and directed the creepy looking dude toward his building.

The whole ride long, Angel could only think about Buffy. About their past, about the million things he could have and wished he would have done differently, what had happened back at the hospital, and what the hell was going to happen now. He wanted to talk to her, needed to, but he wasn't clear on what exactly he should say.

What was less clear is if he'd even get the chance.

Buffy had done an excellent job of avoiding ever bringing up anything that had to with their past until today. He had actually tried to talk to her before, a handful of times, never really putting his heart and soul into it or anything but he tried... though nothing like this. Never anything so serious, not like he was trying to script out in his head. He'd ranged from passing jokes, subtle or blatant mentions, even trying to apologize once but she'd never budge and wouldn't let him do or say anything and then would all but disappear until enough time had passed for everything to fade away.

Part of him did hope that's what would happen now, but there were things she obviously needed to be told. And, after all this time, it all needed to be said and brought up finally.

It just wasn't healthy for them. For either of them. Keeping all that shit inside like this, trying to bury it without closure of any sort.

OoOoO

He didn't exactly have any sort of better handle on the situation by the time they pulled up to the building. 

With a sigh, he paid the man and got out slowly. As he got closer, he searched the parking lot for his car, doing his best to inspect it from where he was. Thankfully, he didn't see any damage from here but would certainly be taking a closer look later. He wasn't exactly big on letting other people drive his vehicles. Especially without his actual and elite permission.

Unlike at the hospital, Angel took the elevator, gripping the side rail as he thought about his heartbroken ex. He breathed a sigh of relief when he got to the correct floor and hurried out, almost running over his boss in the process. "Shit, sorry Lorne."

Lorne made a face, before making a completely different one and sighed. "Angelcakes, I meant to call you again... but I think that was right before our Miss Jones decided to call in and she just went on and on like she does..."

"Lorne, I really gotta go here."

"She's not here."

Angel stopped mid-step and let his head drop before turning around. "She told you?" Lorne made a 'duh' face this time. "Of course she did. I was only trying to help..."

"I know that, and she does too. This is all just really hard for her, with the day and this month and her mom and Fred and Wes and everything. Then bringing it up... and finally... you know... I took her home and told her to take a few days and you know what? I'll tell you the same. I love you both dearly and I know this is a very touchy area. You can continue to work if you'd like, you know how to reach me, but I think staying out of the office and just trying to take it easy... might be a good idea."

"Fuck!" Angel let out a few moments later, loud enough to earn some glances, including a knowing one of his raven-haired employer. "Look, I get it. Us being under the same roof has been trying, to say the least, and I have no idea how this is going to effect anything or if even will, though I think it's safe to say it will, and I know she needs her space right now but I'm just letting you know now that I have to talk to her."

Lorne didn't know what to say. For a number of reasons. The look on his friends' face was the biggy though. There hadn't been many see-through moments like this over the years so he usually didn't put too much behind it, but he couldn't help it right now. He didn't want to see either of them hurt, especially Buffy. He was officially on Team Buffy when it came down to the wire, but he did and always had cared about them both more than anything in this world.

He knew what they were both searching for was each other, they just didn't know it. And it wasn't his place to tell them, least not until the right moment. Another thing he'd never truly expected to happen but then Angel had his apparent epiphany or whatever and... who knew.

He didn't know what would happen though. They'd spent so much time fighting like cats and dogs, ignoring the past, acting out these roles they'd created for themselves... this could potential just turn very, very ugly. All over again.

OoOoO

After no one answered, Angel pushed his ear up to the apartment door and faintly heard some noise from inside. Stepping back, he returned to pounding on the door, louder with each knock. He'd almost ended up hitting some strange woman on the face when she'd open the door which immediately reminded him that Buffy had moved.

"Shit," he rushed out, "sorry, wrong place," and took off back to his car.

He'd only been here once before, uninvited of course. He'd just happened to be coming back from a late meeting with Lorne and needed him so together they came. Much to her annoyance. Anytime she'd need to actually meet up with him, which wasn't very often, she always choose somewhere else to meet him. She wouldn't invite him and wouldn't ever accept the idea of going to his place. He did, however, have her updated address around, finding it after digging through his glove box and the small booklet with his lovely co-workers information.

He knew the general area pretty well but did get lost as he drew closer, or at least what he'd thought was closer. Using his phone to navigate he did eventually find the damn place.

Hurrying out of his car, he sprinted up to the door, tapping quickly, waiting about five seconds, then doing it again.

She sucked in a breathe as she opened it to find him, of all people, standing there.

Angel felt his heart tightening again as he stared at her. She was a complete wreck right now. "I know I don't deserve it," he said softly, "but can I please talk to you for a minute? I'll never bring any of this up again if you want... just please hear me out, just this once? Please?" 

Angel was willing to beg on his hands and knees for this once shot, once chance. Just to try and talk to her, truthfully. Even if just for five minutes.

OoOoO

Angel sat nervously on Buffy's couch. A thick silence hung in the air between and around them. He swallowed loudly then looked over the place that Buffy was now calling home. It was a rather large town home that she'd taken into these days. It looked very open, very beautiful. It spoke a lot of the girl that he'd once known. The one who he rarely got to see now, hell, that anyone rarely got to see these days.

Taking a deep breathe, Angel finally looked over to her. "I don't have an excuse for anything that I did or that I have done, Buffy," he began. His voice was soft, hoarse. He was sure that at any moment his throat was going to completely close up on him, and he would suffocate. Which, seemed rather fitting actually. "I could give you plenty, though. I could give you a ton of theories. And in a way, some might even help explain it all. But I don't know if they are actually the correct, or the whole, truth behind it all. Buffy, to be honest, I don't know how it all got here. How I got here. I don't know what exactly it was that pushed me to be this way." Angel sighed, sitting back just a bit. "I guess... the easiest cop out version would be the whole my family screwed me the fuck up line. That there is a time when people like me, who had the life and the family I did, are faced with a choice. That you can either do everything possible to keep yourself from turning into your wretched parents... or, you follow right in their footsteps. And I think it's pretty easy to tell which road I decided that I'd take."

Buffy sighed. "Angel, you're not either of your parents."

"Maybe not exactly, but I am pretty damn close," he responded. "Which is pretty sick, given how much I hated the both of them, each for their own twisted reasons. And here I am, not all that different now when you look at it all. I'm as damaged as my mom. I have spent my entire life thinking that I wasn't worth anything and purposefully fucking every good thing that ever came my way. And I'd spent my whole life being told that I was just going to wind up just like my father. And here, instead of fighting it, instead of trying to prove to everyone, including and mostly to myself, that that was wrong, I pretty much became the spitting image of him. Inside and out. I'm sure he'd be proud of me," Angel added, with a bitter laugh.

Angel clenched and unclenched his hands several times. "I don't know how many times that I tried to change back then. Back whenever something wound up happening with us. I just... I wouldn't let myself. And afterward.. I just stopped trying to give a shit about it all. A very large part of me doesn't even now and I have no idea why I'm even trying. I have this idea in my head but I know I'll never actually get it. And that makes me want it all the more, and it also makes me push it away all the more, all at the same time. 'Cause that's what I do. That's what I did with you." Angel reached over to the small side table and grabbed the glass of water she'd gotten him before they'd come in here. He was sure it was just her acting on reflex but he was thankful for it right now.

Sitting the glass down, he leaned back deep into the couch and stared at his hands. "I really don't remember the exact moment when I started looking at you differently, when you went from being my best friend to something more, but it did. In a big, goddamn way. You don't think that I noticed you, but I did. I always did. I didn't want to, but I did. And it scared the shit out of me. You were the only person I really had, Buf. No matter what, you were always there. You believed in me. No matter what I did, you believed in me. But I never could. You spent years telling me I was better than this, better than the shit I was pulling, better than I ever thought I was. And in a way, that made it worse on other things. Because I couldn't make you see it. I knew that I wasn't ever going to good enough for you and I knew that I would fuck everything up. I had to, that's what I did."

"Angel..."

"Even before... before I realized what I felt toward you, before I even knew what I was saying... my gut knew it. I remember getting into fights on the playground whenever we were younger all the times because of classmates playfully teasing over the idea that you were my girlfriend, or that I liked you, way back then. And to me, even then, it was like some insult to you. It wasn't the teasing me over the idea I had a girlfriend, but the idea that the thought you'd lower yourself to me that just pissed me off. And as we got older, it didn't get any easier. And when I did begin to realize everything... that's when I choose this path of mine." Angel shook his head, remember too many things, too strongly. "I wanted to distance those people from the idea of trying to degrade you, as I saw it in my mind. I wanted to push you away from it as much as I was afraid of losing you over it all. I wanted to push out all the feelings I started to realize I had toward you that went well beyond friendly. I wanted a distraction, for myself, for you, for everyone around us. I wasn't trying to hurt you in that way, in making you feel like I wanted everyone else but you... I was just trying to show you that I was a fucking mess and that I would ruin this. I was trying to show you that I wasn't better, that this was what I was destined to be."

Angel's hands wrung together and he looked down at them. "Then... that summer came. You went to go stay with your grandparents up in Kansas and that was the longest time you and I had spent apart from one another since we'd met. And the entire time... you were the only thing that I could ever seem to think about. I missed you so goddamn much. And when you finally came home... everything just seemed to change. Just like that. How I felt changed, it'd grown into something more, something that I couldn't even ignore anymore. Something that I couldn't gain control over. And you... it was like you grew up within those short summer months and I couldn't look at you as this little girl anymore. We'd made plans to do something the next day but when I couldn't sleep, I ended up running across the road and climbing up into your room to tell you how much I'd missed you. You asked me to stay with you when I tried to leave, not that I actually wanted to, you told me that you'd missed me too. I climbed into bed, wrapped my arms around you and spent the night like that." Angel looked over to her under his eyelashes, seeing her nod, her face lost in the memory with him. It felt like it'd been a whole lifetime ago now. "Th-the first thing that I did that next morning was roll myself over on top of you and kissed you until we were both breathless and gasping for air. And that... was when it all started. Before school started back up, you and me... we were official. There was an overwhelming amount of this to worry about... the fact that I continued to expect myself to mess everything up, our age difference back then, our parents and everything else. And it wasn't easy. Every day, Buffy, every day I fell more in love with you and every day I felt this sickening pull to run away from you before I made a mess of everything that we ever were. I tried to the right thing, either way you look at it. I tried to do right by you and in being with you. Then I tried what I thought was the right thing in walking away."

Angel swallowed, giving himself a few seconds. "But you... you just wouldn't let me. And I truly wouldn't let myself either. Even when my head was always telling me that was what I needed to do and that it'd be for the best. I was trying to change my path but it keep dragging me back to it. I felt like a fraud. And it was suffocating me. I realized that I had every thing in the world that I wanted, I was happy, and I fucking just lost it."

Angel felt the emotions hit him all over, just as he had so many years ago. "I was having lunch when everything just slammed into me harder than ever before. And as luck would have it, my mom came back to town that night. She was drunk off her ass, back from fucking up her latest relationship that she'd run off to have and everything as she did, and after a conversation with her... it just kept piling up somehow. The next thing I knew I was knocking on one of my 'ex's' doors and spending the night with her." Angel felt sick thinking about it, remembering. "I woke up the next morning, with her, a fucking wreck. I honestly made myself sick, having to rush to her bathroom and later just having a nervous breakdown. I started panicking... which apparently woke her up, and I started grabbing up my clothes and telling her I needed to go and that she needed to forget this ever happened... which she wasn't having any of. She threatened to tell you and as much as I knew you deserved to know I didn't want you to, I didn't want you to be hurt like that, so continuing with this fuck up, I ended up agreeing to do whatever she wanted as long as she kept you out of it. We were seen one night by a friend of hers who later decided to pull the same tricks and I just... I don't know why I did it... I could have come clean to you, at so many different points and times but I... I didn't. Then you found out..."

He saw Buffy make a face, knowing she was remembering that particular incident as well.

He sighed. "In a way, I was so fucking relieved. But I was also... I don't actually think there's a word to describe it really. I hadn't wanted to hurt you... I knew it was pretty much as bad as it could get and I guess I always knew somehow you'd always find out... but I couldn't face you and tell you. I was a coward about that. Before, I was so afraid you'd be hurt and you'd hate me, but after seeing you... that's all I wanted, I wanted you to hate me with everything you had. But you fucking didn't." Angel's tone had grown just a tad harsher. "Days later... you fucking show up, saying you forgive me, that it's okay. That you still fucking want to be with me, even if I chose to continue with them, or with anyone else also. And I couldn't even... it was too fucking much. You were too fucking much. You loved me enough to see me through that. You were so fucking damaged by me that you were willing to, and you were willing to accept the idea that you just hadn't been good enough or whatever and I just... I needed you to fucking stop. Because in no fucking goddamn way was that the case. Not once. Not for one single second."

Angel felt his throat tightening up again, tears building up on him, threatening to spill. "The hardest thing that I ever had to do... started that night. Because I needed, more than ever, to get you to understand everything you refused so hard at. And that was the only way I knew how to. You wouldn't respond to me telling you, or anyone else. Or what common fucking sense would scream at you. You ignored pleading from me to get you to be smart about everything. So... I just played off what I knew would actually get to you." Angel felt ashamed thinking about it all. "Even as much as it all killed me. I did it. And sure enough, little by little, it worked. I broke you. And right when I thought it was all complete, that I had you on the right damn path... you show up at my dorm. Which I'd moved into it as I couldn't stand to be in that house anymore. Or that close to you anymore. And you drop the news on me that you're pregnant. That somehow I had managed to fuck everything up even worse than I could have even imagined. I'd already taken everything I could from you... so anything past that point was just for me. Just me trying to prove everything I'd know all along about myself. I wasn't truly trying to punish you anymore, just myself, Buffy. Just me. But I did and when you pointed out to me how badly you were still taking everything... I wanted out. I needed out, I needed to get as far away from you and that child as possible before I did any more damage. Before I fucked up everything somehow even worse than I was doing."

Angel reached for the glass again, almost jumping out of skin when he heard a clock behind him strike the top of the hour.

Angel kept the glass in his hands, staring down into the liquid. "I thought it was my fault," he finally whispered. "I thought... I thought that I had put too much stress on you. I thought that I hadn't wanted the baby enough. So then.. And... I hadn't. I did, yet didn't. After everything that had happened with us though... and the fact I wasn't ready, even if things wouldn't have gone... But... fuck. As soon as I played that message... I really had wanted it. That I was just denying those feelings. That deep inside of me... I wanted that baby. Our baby."

Angel's fingers danced against the glass before taking in another sip. "I had done everything possible not to think of you after I left. Which... had included a lot of women, a lot of alcohol, and even some bouts of some hard drugs along the way. Anything to keep you off of my mind, off of what I had left behind. But I dropped the phone after hearing the news, and I followed quickly behind. I hit the floor and just fell apart over it. All I could think of was you... and the baby... and how badly I fucked it all up. I thought of how badly I wished that I could just be there for you again. Thought about all the reasons I couldn't be. Because of every thing I'd done to you. And I didn't want to make it worse." Angel swallowed again. "I didn't want you to blame me more than you already did. I didn't want to be told, flat out, that I was the cause of the death of our child. I didn't fucking want it to be real. And I knew... I knew if I came back, if I talked to you, then it would be. So I don't know... I put it off. I meant to say something... someday... but someday never came. Day after day passed, then on to months to years... But it wasn't that I forgot, because I couldn't. Anytime I ever had a moment to myself, a moment to think, that's all that ever seemed to be there. What once was, what I did, wondering about a million what if's, wondering about you... All I wanted was to go back and change everything, but I knew I couldn't, so I just continued to self-destruct." He took another sip. "To say that it was all bad, to say that I never enjoyed any of it... that would be a lie. But that wasn't the point. I just... I needed not to think. Not about you, not about the baby, not about anything. I threw myself into work long before I started working here. I gave up the hard stuff, but I continued to drink and sleep around. I couldn't go home alone I had learned or else I'd fall apart. Or I'd get some stupid idea in my head about finding you or trying to put an end to my ways or something as ridiculous as those."

Angel blanked back the tears threatening to fall and looked up at her. "I'm a mess, Buffy and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Like I said, I don't have an excuse, a true enough reason, I don't have even have an explanation really but that's as best as I can put it. And you deserved that. I loved you and it scared me to death. I didn't deserve you. I never did. And I never would have. I cared, Buffy, and in some ways, I cared too goddamn much."

OoOoO

"I'm sorry."

Angel barely heard her whisper, but he did. "Don't you dare apologize to me," he answered, barely able to choke the words out, the first words he'd spoken after many tense moments had passed. When it had sunk in what she'd said, he broken into a fit of bitter laughter which quickly turned to breath stealing sobs. "Don't you fucking dare."

Shaking badly, Buffy stood up from the chair she'd taken and crossed the room to him. She swallowed loudly before lowering herself down to his lap, sucking in a harsh breath as his eyes lifted to hers and drinking in his pain. She reached her hands out to him, pausing twice, before cupping his cheeks softly. "Angel," she breathed, blinking her tears back, "it wasn't your fault." There were many, many things she wanted to say to him but this was the most important, what she needed him to know over anything else. "The... the baby... it wasn't your fault in any way that I lost it, Angel. And I never, never would have blamed you for that. No one would have. No one ever did. I never did. It was just something that happened."

"Buffy..." he breathed, slightly shaking his head. "I..."

She shook her own, holding his head between her hands just a tad tighter. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, Angel. It just happened."

"I should have been there," he whispered.

Buffy swallowed again. "I wish you would have been." She was about to continue, to explain that she understood how he felt, the guilt of not having given much thought to actually wanting the child until afterward. To explain that and also the honest relief that came with it too.

She knew without any doubt she would have love the little boy or girl with all her heart, she would have been there and raised the baby and taken care of it, but... but... she knew she didn't exactly have the best frame of mind at the time. She knew in some ways she was relieved when she had found out she'd lost it. She knew she hadn't been ready, but if it had come to be she knew she'd have done it and made it through all the same.

Buffy didn't get a chance to tell him this however. Surprising the hell out of her, and him too, his arms wrapped around her tightly before the first sound made it's way out and pulled her to him. Her arms quickly moved for the sides of his face to wrapping around his neck, hugging him to her all the same. One hand did sneak up to her mouth though, trying to contain the strangled sob from spilling out as he apologized over and over in whispered cries against her neck.

She wanted to hate him, wanted to continue to be nothing but furious at him, but she knew she couldn't. She didn't forgive him, not in the traditional sense, and he knew that, he said it himself he didn't expect such a thing, but... there was something.

How she wished she'd known what was troubling him so much back then... Sure, she knew his parents, mostly his horrible excuse for a mother, had managed to fuck him up. She had seen what he'd been put through, what she had thought was a lot of what he'd put himself through as well, but she never really knew it had cut him this deep. It broke her heart into a million pieces to hear him talk of himself in such a way, to know that is how he saw himself, how he always had. No matter how much she'd tried to show and prove to him otherwise...

Yes, there was an enormous amount of bad blood between the two of them these days, had been for quite some time, but she honestly hated to see him hurting. She wouldn't wish the torture he put himself on him or anyone else.

She hated that she'd made it worse. Unintentional or not, she had played a role in what happened to him, she knew that. She hated that loving him as she did had hurt him so much. Hated knowing that if she had just left him alone then maybe...

She truly believed that he had thought he was doing the right thing, in the beginning, by trying to push her away. She just wished she'd known that so she could have either left it be or so that she could proved him wrong, made him see that everything he believed about himself couldn't have been further from the truth.

Until she made it become the truth that seemed to be.

Looking back, looking into old forgotten memories she could see things differently now. She could see what he was doing, see the love and adoration, the longing, she had always missed yet craved for. She could see the absolute pain coming off him in waves all in the same breath. She could now see him struggling, see why he did the things he did. From pushing her away when they were younger, to when he first started down this path, the first mistakes he threw himself into, why he did it, on through to the end. She could see how even when they did get together how hard it was for him. Look back to those haunting looks, things he'd mumble in passing... See how every day seemed to be a struggle with himself.

Buffy began to realize that believe he hadn't wanted her, believe she hadn't been enough, that he didn't love her... to believe in every thing he'd said to her... that was easier than the truth. She felt as though she couldn't breathe as she realized how broken the man squeezing her as tight as he possibly could at the moment was.

It was wrong, all of it, it was misguided what he'd done, but she, in a way, yes she could understand it. She honestly didn't want to, but she did. And that hurt her worse than anything else ever had.

Buffy had believe it, that he hadn't ever loved her, didn't want her, that she never mattered... she believed all of it and more. What he had said, done and what her own mind had come up with branching from what he'd given her. Now though, now she saw how much she had meant, how much he had loved her. She knew he hadn't honestly meant to hurt her, at least not in the way she had thought. He had thought he was protecting her. He didn't want to see her get hurt. He hadn't wanted her to be disappointed in him.

It was a complete backwards way of thinking, but she got it. And she wished she didn't right now.

Buffy did her best to hold in another strangled cry and then pulled back against him slightly before dropping her head down to bury against his shoulder and neck. And even though she knew it was wrong, Buffy closed her eyes and let the world fade away, let everything fade away. She allowed her walls to come down and let herself feel something for this man she had once, and knew she would always love.

"I miss you."

Buffy stopped breathing, yet her heart seemed to continue to pump, fast and hard. She was pretty sure it was rocking her body as it went, pushing and pulling her ever so slightly. She squeezed her eyes shut, her head pounding, too much going on at one time. Then, before she even knew what she was doing, she jumped up from his lap and swallowed nervously. "You should probably go," she told him, calmly as she could.

She never looked at him, afraid to, afraid what she might see.

Angel swallowed, his eyes closing for a long pause, then he stood. He began to reach for her, then stopped, quickly pulling back. He nodded softly, sadly, not that she saw it. "Okay," he whispered. He stood there for several more moments before finally making a move toward the door.


	5. Chapter Five

Faith's eyes widened and she let out a deep breath as Angel finished telling her the events of his day. She hadn't honestly expected him to open up to her, not about this and certainly not this much, but she figured the booze helped with that. Shaking her head, she reached over and grabbed the almost empty whiskey bottle from his hand and downed the remaining liquid while Angel closed his eyes and let his head fall down to the table in front of him with a loud bang and some grumbling under his breath. "You're still in love with her," she finally spoke. It wasn't like some light bulb just went off in her head, she knew he'd never stopped no matter how hard he might have tried to hide it, but it just seemed so real right now, so blinding.

Angel snorted, lifting his head. "Yeah, Faith, I'm still in love with her. I've fought it the better part of my life, too. When I was younger, when we were together, when I fucked everything up, every day from that point, even earlier today. But it's true, I fucking do love her. I miss her every fucking second of every fucking day. And I love her more than anything in this world."

Angel tipped his chair back and reached behind him for a new bottle. "And you know, for awhile, it almost seemed okay. It hurt but I numbed it the best I could. Then, fucking one day... there she is, there's the world I left behind." Angel took a drink before coughing on it. "You should have seen her. She was fucking beautiful that day. And... and in so much pain the second she saw me and then a rage when she found out what Lorne asked me to do. I don't know why I did it, I shouldn't have,. It was too painful going back into that life... with them, with what we used to pretend to do, what we always planned to make happen... And then... when he offered me a job... more permanent... I should have walked away. But I couldn't. Seeing her again... I couldn't. I knew she hated me and I knew I'd only be hurting us both, but just to be around her again... that was all I could think about."

"You two fight like cats and dogs if I understand my gossip correctly. And I have actually seen it with my own two eyes, you know."

He nodded, taking another large swallow. "We do. I mean, I get why she does but me? I just... it's still me taking my shit out on her most of the time. Sad, but true. My anger at myself boils over, and sadly she gets a lot of the flak from it. But... it is also just... I don't know. We never really talked and when we did no matter what it seemed to turn into some argument or another. And I'd just get frustrated. Maybe that's the same as before, I don't know." Angel shook his head. "I just... she... I don't know. She hates me and that's hard to deal with I guess?"

Faith sighed, stealing another taste from his hard liquor. "Buffy doesn't hate you, Angel. She still has feelings for you, anyone with eyes can see that. Besides, she wouldn't still be that hurt over you and what you did to her if she didn't."

Angel ignored that, least for now. "You know, one day it just all hit me you know. How tired I was of my life and what I was doing. I know I told you this before but there's some things I'm sure I left out. See, because thing is... this whole perfect life I want, family goal and the whole shebang... no matter what I do, I can only see her. I try not to, but I can't help it. If I think about settling down, the only face I see is hers. I see her laughing and smiling and spinning around in some small little started house we pick. I see her leaning against me and sighing, both our hands going to her rounded stomach as we decide on a bigger place before the baby comes. I see little blonde haired girls and dark haired boys who all have different attributes from the both of us running around. All I fucking do is see her."

Faith stared at him for the longest time, letting everything sink in. And not just everything from tonight but over the many years that had come before. "You both took a huge step tonight, Angel. One you both needed. Whether or not it plays out this way or that, it's good you finally talked about it. That said, there is... there is a possibility that one way this can play out is..."

Angel shook his head, not letting her finish. He gave a sad laugh her way. "You do remember everything I did to her right? Just because I attempted to... whatever I attempted to do earlier tonight... it doesn't mean or change anything."

"It could," she told him softly. "I'm not saying it will... but it could. But you can't know unless you try. Yes, you fucked up. So bad that you honestly shouldn't probably get the opportunity but you might have a chance at it, a better chance. It may not work, hell she might not even let you, but Angel it's there. You've had all this time... and maybe you needed it, maybe you needed to wait until now, maybe all of this needed to be bottled up until now, I don't know, but I do know that you love her and that you truly could do right by her. I don't know if you can ever make up for the past, but you can give both of you a future. You know, the one you threw away and should have been living... oh... say right freaking now."

OoOoO

"Hey."

Angel's eyes opened into little slits and his face scrunched up in pain as he tried to tilt his head to find her. "Hey," he said after clearing his throat.

Deciding it was all too much, Angel let his head fall back down and he closed his eyes.

Faith shook her head as she gathered up some you-got-completely-shitfaced-last-night helpful ingredients and brought them over to him. "Here, you may be on a short leave but I am not and have to go in today," she told him, taking a sip from her own nasty hangover helper and making a face of disgust afterward. "When you can think straight, not just focus on the pounding, please do me a favor and at least think about what we talked about last night, huh?"

Angel sighed. "Fine," he grumbled out. "I'll think about it." And he knew he would, like she said when it was a little easier maybe a bit better, but he had been thinking about it as he laid here. "Have a good day. Try and get a feel as to when exactly I'm supposed to be coming back."

"Sure thing, bro. Now rest up and take care."

OoOoO

After taking care of a few quick tasks, Faith headed for her boss' office, knocking softly before letting herself in. "Well, don't you look like hell ran over this morning?" she commented.

"I am your employer, you know," Lorne grumbled out, rubbing his temples. "And I'll have you know, you're looking a little rough there yourself, sugarplum."

Faith chuckled, taking a seat. "Ah, well, that's what happens when you have a drunken heart to heart with the likes of my brother."

"And Buffy," Lorne added with a nod. "Though... I am more of a drinker than she but after all that... woo, did I ever need me some liquor."

Faith nodded. "Know how you feel." And with that, she began prying into what had been said between her favorite blonde and her favorite gay man while she dropped more than enough hints about what had gone down between her and her brother.

The two of them discussed the day before, their heartbroken other halves, what had been said, the advice they each gave, their own personal opinions about this whole situation and what the hell they were going to do next.

OoOoO

It was on into the afternoon before Angel felt anywhere near human and pulled himself off of the couch... where he wasn't entirely sure how he ended up on last night... but didn't give that too much thought.

He attempted to eat something small then headed to take a shower... then another. In between the two he did make a phone call though, to Kate Lockley, the girl he had been trying to move on with in a more traditional sense than what he'd spent years upon years doing and ended it with her. He didn't know a lot, but he knew they were just not going to make it and his reasons for pretending there was a chance seemed to have escaped him now.

After cleaning up, Angel lazily walked through his place, sighing as he went. He'd never just been sent home like this and didn't exactly know what to do with himself. Days he wasn't working or he'd taken vacation he always had something planned, though usually not something he would pride himself on, it usually fell in step with his former late night activities. And for the same reasons. He hated being left alone with his thoughts... because his thoughts seemed to always come back around to her, their past, everything he did. And it was too damn much to think about in the first place, let alone all the damn time.

Picking up a book, Angel headed toward his bedroom and took a seat hoping the words on the page could distract him. But it wasn't long before Angel grew frustrated, tossing the book halfway across the room. He'd been staring at that same page the whole time and couldn't have even told you the first word if his life had depended on it.

His head fell back against his headboard and he rubbed his eyes for a moment.

Swinging his legs back over the side, Angel stood, preparing to head back to the living room and try and find something on the television but by the time he made it out there he'd decided to try something else. Something stupid surely he believed but still.

He sat down to put on some shoes then searched around until he found his keys then headed out. Too much was on his mind, too many things had been said and he... just needed a little clearing up on a few things. 

'Yep. That's all it is,' he kept telling himself on the drive over.

OoOoO

It was the worst possible moment, but Buffy found herself slowly making her way over to where Angel was snapping photographs of the guests. He was waiting for Fred to be found dressed enough so he could return to the room as requested. She went over and leaned into him. "I miss you, too," she whispered, her hands linking around one of his and holding him tight.

Angel dropped his head away from his camera, currently set upon a tripod, and looked down at her. The look in his eyes told her that he knew that this was dangerously picking up from that fateful evening when they'd had their big breakthrough, something they'd done everything possible to avoid since. For the most part anyway. But it never seemed all that easy.

And things had certainly changed since then.

OoOoO

That next morning had come, neither all that nice on either of them, and there had almost been a confrontation.

Buffy could still remember, play it over and over. That moment of just having glanced outside her window as she'd put the milk back in her refrigerator and seen him as he stepped out of his car and headed her way. He'd looked like hell, a complete and utter wreck, not that she'd been able to talk either. The night before had been pretty damn rough. Hell, that whole day had been. And she'd watched, frozen, as he'd strode across the pavement and onto her driveway... looking miserable and seemed to have been muttering to himself, trying to rehearse maybe whatever he'd come out there to say. But, but... this look of just... utter pain had crossed his face about halfway up the drive and stopped him right in his place.

Her heart had broke for him, even more than it had the evening before. She remained completely still, frozen in place as he looked so lost for what seemed like an eternity before he forced himself to turn back around and gave up.

OoOoO

When they'd both finally returned to work, something had changed, everyone could sense that, see it. It was a lot of whispering, hushed silence around them, awkward avoidance between the two of them for what felt like forever. 

Then... then just awkwardness remained.

There were flirtation with trying something out, trying to bring this or that up, to test things out... both of them always seemed to have so much buried just right underneath the surface... feelings, questions, answers... wanting so badly to say or do something... and they knew it, for themselves and one another... but it was such dangerous territory...

And again, this was not the time to go running through minefields. But she couldn't seem to stop herself.

Angel wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead after looking around the room quickly. After a moment, he tilted her head back and brushed her tears away with his thumbs before kissing her temple and holding her tighter. "It's going to be okay," he whispered.

"Angelcakes?" Lorne's voice suddenly broke through. The two turned their heads in time to see Lorne's eyes grow wider and give a reoccurring as late shocked face before shaking it off. "Oh. Um. Fred's ready now."

Buffy quickly removed herself from the wonderment that was Angel's arms and gave herself a little shake of her own. "I have to go check on some things anyway."

And she did, she'd spent so much time, especially today, running around like a complete mad woman. Not only was this wedding of Winifred Burkle and Wesley Wyndam-Pryce a job, with the majority of it on her shoulders, her responsibility in making sure everything ran smoothly, but she was also in the damn thing and, of course, the obvious situation when it came to these two. These two who were her friends, her family.

Today was about making sure their dream came true. 

And she sure as hell didn't have time to deal with the craziness of her own life.

So, bidding the two men farewell, she hurried off and went about one of her final checks around the building to make sure everything was doing well. Then, she'd stop off and visit with the groom, then back to the bride.

OoOoO

Angel did his best to ignore Lorne's staring as he gathered up his things, also trying to mental prepare himself for this day still. Trying to block out everything going on with himself, just focus on Fred and Wesley.

Hearing his name finally being called, Angel turned his head and sighed. "She's having a rough day, Lorne. Everybody is. That's all."

Lorne looked as though he was going to just go into a speech about how wrong this was, but instead he took a few steps closer, lowered his voice not to disturb anyone else filling the large church. "Stop dancing around one another and subjects that you're too afraid to bring up. She's not about to just fall back into your lap but if you want her, and you're not going to fuck it up otherwise I'd have to hurt you, then go after her. She'll give you an opening but she's not about to take that step, we both know that. Not after everything, she won't be the one making that move. You both need to stop being so damn miserable all the time. I'm starting to miss you're bitchy bickering," he finished with a dramatic sigh.

OoOoO

Giving the large wooden door a knock, Angel found himself face to face with Trish Burkle, Fred's mother, a few seconds later. She smiled, keeping the tears of both happiness and sorrow in check, and let him in. 

Angel's eyes did a sweep of the room, from the room itself, the space he had to work with, the people filling it, including the bride herself. He gave her a wide smile and strode over to where she sat, bent down to kiss her cheek. "You look beautiful," he whispered.

Fred smiled, her hand coming up to remove the oxygen mask. "Thank you," she told him brightly.

There was more meaning to those two words, they both knew it.

Angel swallowed the lump in his throat and kissed her again before lightening the room with a few jokes about his task of being in here and doing his best to remain out of the way as they girls all did their thing.

This wasn't the first time he'd taken photos like this, he'd always do a quick sweep to at least get a few pre-wedding photos of the couples, but this was different. Not only was he sticking by her side for as much as he could, but why he was. Both Fred and Wes had asked him on their own to do this, to document every moment he could of this day in film so that Wes, Fred's friends and her family, would always have them with them. Even after...

The women all began their primping of the bride, Angel just watched for a moment before sliding about the room, camera in hand, capturing moments as they happened around him.

Fred's spirits were high, he knew that. She looked like every woman should on this day, on their day... happy and in love. Ready for a new chapter in her life... Which also contributed to that tiny dim in her eyes as well... knowing she would never truly get that life.

Her body had a mind of its own, wearing her down so much and so quickly. A lot of changes had happened during the planning of this day, things taking a turn. She wore out so easily and had been on so much pain medication which just added to it and made for a problem all on its own. Against all wishes, she'd cut back the past few days and especially this one, wanting to know where she was, what was happening. Fred's already tiny body was now so frail looking, you had to wonder why she didn't just blow away with a breeze. She was often confide to a bed, or put in a wheelchair, walking was such a task. She'd developed many increasing other health issues, her breathing had been so bad recently that they'd been worried she'd not be able to go through with this, but she fought it and as horrible as things still were, she was going to be okay to get through this.

When Buffy returned, the two of them shared a moment through the lens, for both themselves and for their friends. Then she blinked away the tears wanting to spill and turned to Fred, doing the final few touches to the brunette's hair and make-up before they all helped stand her up in front of the large mirror to see the final package.

She looked beautiful. She truly did. Almost like her old self in that moment, and you could see how elated that made her. "I'm getting married today," she said out loud, her voice dreamy and everybody smiled, laughed, and made funny comments back to her.

OoOoO

And get married she did.

Every seat in the place was filled, extra minglers standing up in the back.

She walked down that isle, with her father, and was given away to the man who wanted to spend his life with her, but would only get to see that happen in reverse for her.

Not that there were any regrets at all about this. None. Wes was beaming brightly, taking her with him up those final steps and the ceremony began.

As their vows were exchanged, not a single person didn't shed a tear as they spoke from the heart, recounting memories, expressing the love you couldn't help but feel rolling off them, remembering that they had to cherish these moments fore they knew there wouldn't be many left.

Lorne sang two songs throughout, his voice cracking in the second with emotion. Poems were read, candles were lit, a kiss cemented these two as husband and wife.

It was a beautiful event.

OoOoO

Fred made it through their first dance as well as one with her father, then she'd had to take a break, but she was never quit when it came to enjoying the party. She laughed and visited, clapped for the band and for her friends and family as they made fools out of themselves out on the floor. She cuddled up with Wes and enjoyed the unhealthy snacks she'd steal off the tables.

Handing out a few last throwaway cameras to guests, and a few point and shoot ones to other co-workers, then getting Lorne to take one as well and to watch his stuff, Angel zig-zagged through the crowd until he reached the maid of honor and wrapped his arms around her. Earning a look from Fred and Wes both in the process.

"Dance with me," he whispered in Buffy's ear.

OoOoO

There were two slow dances, both awkward movements involved and deafening silence, then a few faster paced ones where they seemed to shake it off with the twirls and dips, laughing and making fun of themselves, then a return to the slower ones. Angel pulled her as close to him as possible and buried his nose in her hair, closing his eyes. "I don't know how to make this right," he whispered, "I don't think there's even a way for that to happen. But... I want to try, Buffy. I want a chance to try. I want you. I've always wanted you."

OoOoO

Buffy felt as though she was in this constant battle against herself when it came to the likes of Angel. She'd tried to just ignore it, all of it, and for so long, but now it just seemed impossible. 

And he certainly wasn't making things any easier.

It wasn't as though Angel was down her throat about anything, wasn't being assertive on the subject at all, nor was he whining or crawling around begging or anything equally annoying. Everything was... it was just there. He was just there.

Angel had boldly expressed his interest in her a time or two but for the most part everything was rather subtle. Worse though when he was just being himself, this new and improved version of himself, and that got her the hardest.

It was rather frustrating.

Given an upcoming project for the company, the two of them had also been spending more hours together than usual, a lot of long nights on the job, which wasn't helping clear anything up for her either. It was already awkward enough after they'd had their little breakthrough, the return of old feelings mixed with a lot of new bubbling inside, the lack of ripping into one another every chance they'd got and trying to find where they stood now... then there was Fred and Wes' wedding and the spiral of their set schedules from before and life just kept getting crazier and crazier.

There was an obvious difference in Angel, she couldn't deny that, though she'd tried there for awhile. It was a harsh reminder of the past, of all the reasons she'd fallen in love with him in the first place... yet, so different at the same time. A new, a better Angel was emerging, more with every day. He was trying, very hard, and he was succeeding while doing so.

And it scared her to no end.

She wanted to let him in, to give him a chance, to even try at giving him a chance. And that was terrifying.

There was no forget-the-past button, make the pain he'd caused go away button. She knew better than to believe someone couldn't change, to forever hold the past against someone, but at the same time you couldn't just drop everything either. Not her, not with everything she'd gone through with him.

It was a tough spot to be in and she was driving herself mad with it.

She was, at least, going with advice those near and dear to her had given. She wasn't throwing up walls, wasn't completely shutting him out. She was being friendly... she was seeing what happened in the moment. But that didn't always calm the nervousness in her head either.

Buffy covered her yawning mouth with a hand still holding a red pen then looked blearily over at the clock and groaned. Next, Buffy let her eyes drift over to the other side of the sofa where the handsome dark-haired man was laid out, perfectly asleep. The sight brought a smile to her lips, along with a soft chuckle and shaking of her head. She leaned back against the cushions and just watched him for several minutes before laying the pen from her hand down on the table in front of her down, along with the stacks of pages she'd held on her lap, then headed across the room to open a storage closet where a few old blankets were stored away and brought them back over.

Buffy covered Angel up first, then she wrapped a throw around herself and went back to work.

A dozen or so other workers had been working on the project as well but they'd all long since left home, obviously having more sense than either of them.

Before long though, Buffy couldn't even see straight and put everything back down to the desk. She was too tired to even think about driving home and didn't want to waste the angelic looking man sharing this wonderful piece of furniture, so she gave it a quick thought then shrugged and settled more comfortable on the sofa and let her head rest on his jacket as a pillow and closed her eyes, letting sleep take her under too.

OoOoO

Angel woke up some hours later, unsure for several minutes of just where he was and why. He'd been too busy concentrating on his sore neck before sitting up and giving the dim place a look around. He didn't remember passing out but he didn't mind it so much now looking at the other end and seeing the tiny form of his favorite blonde curled up so close to him.

Angel propped himself up a little more comfortably and he sleepily looked her over, a wave on countless memories hitting him of doing just this time and time again back in the old days. Something about the pure innocence that radiated from her during these times always used to drive it home how much this tiny girl had meant to him, how lucky he was to have her.

And right now it reminded him just how bad he wanted all of that back.

Angel remained like this for a good amount of time before forcing himself to stand and take a quick trip to the restrooms. He did his business then unbuttoned and slipped off his over-shirt and splashed some water on his face. He used a small dixie cup for a quick drink then headed back inside.

He toed out of his shoes then, fully knowing how much trouble this move could land him in, he slipped back onto the couch, this time taking place on what was left of the space behind Buffy and wrapping himself around her. He figured both that this might be his only shot at every getting to do such a thing again and that if was for this alone... then it was damn well worth it.

OoOoO

Buffy woke herself later on, finding her nose and forehead pressed firmly and comfortably against the back of the sofa, her head smooshed nicely against the arm rest, warm blankets keeping her cozy, as well as the strong arms around her, the strong body behind her. She felt her heart rate increase and breathing become irregular knowing full well who these limbs belonged to and a pretty good idea as to why they were there.

It filled her with a sense of conflicting emotions, the strongest being a happy longing to enjoy it. Which, Buffy did for several too long moments. She was about to break up this little love fest when the panic started slipping in more pronounced but the knock on the door, followed by it opening, did that just fine for her.

"Buffy? Sweetie? Are you..." Lorne spoke, cutting off when his eyes landed on the couple.

Buffy's head was turned now to meet him. Angel was still pretty out of it but had one eye opened, though good chance it wasn't seeing anything anyway. Buffy looked him over briefly then jumped up and away from him, her hands fluttering to her hair then her clothing. "Hi," she muttered toward him.

"You stayed here all night?" he asked after several uneasy moments.

Buffy shrugged, gathering up her things. "Yeah, well, you know. Must have dosed off and all." She turned her head toward the clock and groaned. "Mind if I, or we even, go home and change thanks to this little... mishap or whatever?"

He took a sip from his coffee and leaned in the door frame. "Sure. Go home, shower, even take a few hours off to get some sleep and some breakfast in. It's still early and you've both been putting some obvious effort in these days," he teased softly. "I can hold down the fort," he cut in once Buffy started reminding him of the early appointment she knew she had and began throwing out she was sure Angel had something to do as well. "Go. Shower. Change. Eat. Sleep. Then come back and get to work," he said with a wink.

Lorne also threw them each a look which was to be read as he was going to be having a talk with each of them later.

From the corner of her eye Buffy saw Angel pull himself to his feet. He looked over his files and then shook his head and looked away. "Mind if I just leave this all here, least for now?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, that's fine. It'll just get back here anyway."

He nodded, yawned. "C'mon, I'll drive you home."

"I have my car."

"I know, but you're tired, sleep on the way, take a load off."

There was a brief argument, if you could even call it that, and she finally relented. He was to drive her home, they could each rest a while, then he'd return to get her and they'd come back to work.

Easy.

In theory.

Buffy wasn't sure why she felt all the more nervous about it though as they headed out.

OoOoO

It was still insanely early so only a few scattered members of the team were around and weren't paying much attention to the likes of them anyway. Buffy snagged them each a donut on the way which they happily munched on on the elevator ride down.

The car ride was mostly held in silence. There was still this building nervousness and confusion inside of her but it wasn't exactly an uncomfortable trip. She laid her head against the cool window and listened to the barely loud enough to hear modern rock coming from his speakers as he drove.

Her eyes were back to drooping, her body feeling that buzzing numbness, by the time they pulled into her driveway. She rubbed her eyes a little then thanked him, not only for the ride but for helping out so much lately. She wanted, and also didn't want to, comment on other events and situations but froze up and instead hurried out. He managed to get in a reminder to call him when she was ready so he could come out and get here before she sprinted away.

Buffy turned back and gave him a little wave at the last minute before slipping inside her door.

The mirror she came to face from the side showed her sighing as she leaned against the door, a dreamy smile threatening to split across her face. Catching the sight, Buffy grumbled and glared, stomped off toward her bathroom, casting her clothes off as she went.

Buffy showered, slept, fixed a bowl of cereal and some toast, then she called Angel.

She'd barely had time to clean up and get dressed by the time he pulled back up, looking quite refreshed himself she noticed slipping inside his fancy vehicle. She smiled and handed him the last few slices of her orange and then they were off.

This time they were both more alert, the radio was a tad louder, and they actually spoke. At first just small talk chatter of did you manage to get some rest in, you look good and then onto a little about work.

The mood shifted once they were back on their floor, just stepping off of the elevators. Angel had a serious look come over his face and he nervously reached for her hand. "Have dinner with me tonight."

Buffy's eyes almost came out of her skull she was sure. "Angel..."

He shook his head, his eyes pleading. "Just dinner, Buffy. It doesn't have to be a date, just two old friends, co-workers, whatever. Just please?"

She wasn't exactly sure how it happened but Buffy found herself agreeing. And found him scampering away before she came to her senses and changed her mind.

OoOoO

"Wait. You asked Buffy out on a date? And she said yes?"

Angel glanced at his sister, taking large strides across the room. "It's not a date. Just dinner."

"Oh, please. It's a date. What the hell are you doing?"

Angel sighed. "Trying."

"For her?"

"Yes. I can't keep..." Angel shook his head. "I have to at least try something."

OoOoO

Buffy sighed, throwing her hands up. "Why am I even doing this? I'm just going to cancel."

"You will do no such thing, young lady."

Buffy looked at her boss, then sighed again. "What in the world is he doing? And why to me?"

"Maybe he meant it. Maybe he does want another chance."

Buffy took a few steps and sat down. "He doesn't deserve one."

"A very large part of me would have to agree with you on that, sweetheart," he told her. "But a part of me is rooting for him getting a second chance, too."

Buffy made a face. "Of course you are." She waited a few seconds, then softly added, "And what if I do wind up letting him in again, if I give him another chance? What if I do... and he just dos everything all over again, if he fucks my life up all over again?"

Lorne gave her a very serious look, he temped his fingers together. "Well, that's simple. Then we kill him."

Buffy laughed. "Well, sure, that's one plan."

Lorne cracked a smirk. "Now, you go make yourself a bottle of some good wine and go run a warm bath and take a nice, long soak," he told her. "I'll go pick you something out to wear. And after yu get back home, you had better call me and tell me everything."

Buffy sat there for a few extra seconds then smiled, standing up, shaking her head. Buffy walked over to her friend and boss, leaned down to hug him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Buf. Now get a move on it!"

Buffy laughed. She went to the kitchen, pouring them both a glass. She handed him his and asked if there was anything else he needed. He didn't so she headed upstairs to her bathroom to take that bath.

Buffy sank into the water, the tub fully with bubbles. She sighed, closed her eyes and tried not to think.

Buffy heard when Lorne came up the stairs, not too long after she had. He put on some music in her room, which she could hear lightly playing in the tub. She could also hear him muttering as he tried to figure her outfit out.

Before too long, he knocked on the door.

"Mmm?"

He stuck his head in the door. "You're all set, sweetheart. Is there anything else you need or that I can do for you?"

"Not that I can think of. Thanks again, Lorne."

He smiled. "No problem. Try not to over think this and just have fun, if nothing else. There's a handsome man wanting to spend some time with you and buy you a meal, there's worse ways to spend an evening." Lorne smiled again. "Don't forget to call me later."

"I won't."

OoOoO

Buffy sighed, knowing she needed to get out.

She wrapped a large white towel around herself and sat on the edge of the tub brushing her hair out and putting lotion on.

After drying off, she walked to the bedroom to find Lorne's pick laid out on her bed. 

The dress was black, a strapless sweetheart, and had silver studs over the bust, with a draped material in between. She'd only tried the dress on before purchasing, but knew it flowed beautifully on her. The hem of the skirt to it was just below her knees in the front and made a small decline around the sides and to the back. The bottom of the back was a couple of inches from her ankles still.

Buffy slipped the dress on, then the black strappy heels he'd set beside it as well. She headed to the bathroom to finish fixing her hair. She gave it just a hint of some curl, took her longer bangs and flipped them to one side with a black pin, and gave a quick spritz of hairspray. She wore some teardrop diamond earrings and silver solid bracelet cuff. She dabbed a hint of perfume on, retouched her make-up, then went to find a matching purse or clutch to take along.

By the time she was finished, it was just about time to head out.

"This is going to be a mistake," she muttered, heading back downstairs.

OoOoO

"Angel! You're going to be late if you don't get a move on!"

He muttered to himself walking through the living room.

"What are you looking for?"

"Wallet."

Faith pointed to the counter. "You look nice."

"What? Oh. Thanks." He looked back at her. "Is it too much?"

"No. Are you going to be getting her flowers or anything?"

"It's not supposed to be a date." He waited a moment. "Should I?"

She thought for a moment. "In this case, I'll say probably not. You get your head out of your ass and have an official date then do so."

"I'll keep that in mind," he muttered. "Let's just get through tonight."

"You'll be fine. Geez. You've known the girl practically your whole life. And you have dated her before."

"Yeah, and this is still nerve wracking. And this is supposed to be nothing like the past."

"You'll be fine, Angel," she repeated.

"I have no idea what to say to her."

"That you wanna marry her and have her babies," Faith offered.

Angel glared.

She laughed. "You never know what to say to her. Just go with it. Tell her how you feel. See what happens. And stop stressing out. You're making me nervous."

OoOoO

Angel kept checking his phone. One, for the time... even five seconds, two, he kept waiting for a message from Buffy saying she'd changed her mind. In his stress, he didn't know really what to hope for, if she would or if she'd actually come.

Angel took a large gulp of the glass of ice water before him. He took another quick peek at his phone, then started glancing around the room. His eyes didn't go far though.

Angel spotted Buffy several tables down, being led by one of the waiters to theirs. He barely had time to recover from his shock and joy, and drooling, over seeing her to stand up before she reached the table.

"Here you are, ma'am," the waiter told her. "Please have a seat. Your menus are over there," he pointed. "Your waiter for this evening will be over here in shortly to get some drinks for you guys, alright?"

"Thank you," they both told him.

"No problem. Have a great evening."

As he walked off, the two of them sat down.

"You look beautiful," Angel said, looking her over again as he folded down into the chair.

Buffy smiled. "Thank you. You look rather dashing yourself."

He blushed a little. And thought of how Buffy was the only person to really ever cause such a reaction. Angel reached over to grab the two drink menus, handing her one.

About a minute later, their waiter came by to introduce himself and to get them something else besides the water. He took the smaller menus and gave them the meal ones. "I'll go get you your drinks and be back in just a few minutes? Is there anything else I can do for you right now?"

Buffy smiled at him. "Nope, nothing I can think of." Angel shook his head. And the waiter headed off.

The two began looking through the large menu, though Angel had a hard time concentrating on anything other than the woman across from him. He did have to hand it to Lorne's quick suggestion of this place. He had never been, heard good things though, and everything did look pretty damn good.

When the waiter returned, he sat their drinks down then asked if they were ready to order. Angel directed him toward Buffy first, unsure if she was or not.

Buffy smiled at the guy again, then looked down at her menu. She began biting her lip, her eyes looking over the page before her.

"I can come back, if you need a few extra minutes."

Buffy smiled again. "No..." she flipped between two pages, looking them over, then chose and handed him the menu back.

"Thank you," he said, nodding his head at her. "And you, Sir?"

Angel told him, then handed his menu over as well.

"Alright. I will let them know and be back in just a bit." He asked if there was anything else he could get, to which the both said no, and he again left them to themselves.

"This place is beautiful," Buffy commented.

Angel nodded. "Yeah, it is. I'd never been here before, but I can say I'm impressed so far."

Buffy smiled. "Not exactly your type of place, if I do recall."

He chuckled. "Yeah. Not so much." Angel waited a few more seconds then added, "I didn't think you were going to come."

Buffy sighed, turned her head to look about the room. "I wasn't sure if I would or not myself."

"I'm glad that you did."

OoOoO

By the end of the evening, Buffy was glad that she had come, too. Which rather surprised her, but it was nice. The staff were very friendly every step of the way, and the food was to die for. The two of them had seen a former client couple and briefly spoke with them, asking how they were doing and all. And then when it came to Angel... well, there had been the surprising part.

At first, it was rather awkward between the two of them... but after the food was ordered, and after they got past the easy topic of talking about things with work... it settled down and became a very easy going time with him. The two of them spoke on various topics, told stories, laughed. A lot.

Even after they had finished dessert, the two of them remained at the table for quite some time. Just talking.

OoOoO

While Angel finally paid the check at the front, Buffy went ahead to wait in the lounge area. He really wasn't looking forward to going their separate ways yet. Even with how late it had become, and the fact he'd see her tomorrow at work. He wished he hadn't suggested the meet at the restaurant either, as he'd have the extra minutes in the car with her if he was driving her home. But he had went this route because of the whole non-date thing.

"Hey," he greeted, placing a hand on her lower back, unable to keep his hands off of her completely through this evening.

Buffy's head turned. "Hi."

"Thank you again for coming tonight."

She smiled. "I had a very nice time, Angelus."

"I'm glad." He took a deep breath. "Maybe we could do this again sometime? Or... go do something else together... sometime?"

Buffy took a breath of her own. "Tonight was lovely, and I thank you for it. But I don't think that would be a good idea."

His heart sunk. "Why not?"

"We've tried this already, Angel. It didn't go well." She turned, out of his reach. "It's getting rather late so I should probably be heading back home. You should too, don't you have an early meeting?"

He nodded numbly. "Yeah."

She smiled, too brightly. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight."

And with that, he watched her turn and begin to walk away.

OoOoO

Buffy was just about to get into her car when he reached her again. "Buf?"

She jumped a little. "Jesus, Angel. You scared me half to death. What are you doing?"

"Buf, please give me a chance here." Angel watched her suck in an angry breath and continued before she could go off on him. "I know. I know. You already gave me a chance before, and I fucked everything up with it. And I am sorry for that. I was... I was a stupid kid then. I'm not now. Yes, until recently I was still resembling in great measure that dumbass kid, but I'm done with that. With all of it. I want to do right by you, Buffy. Like I should have all those years ago."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, then took a step closer to her. "You're the only girl that I have ever loved, Buffy. You're the only one I ever will."

"I need to go home."

He could hear her about to cry. "Think about it, please? I'll do whatever you want me to here, Buf."

OoOoO

"So? How'd it go?"

Buffy sighed, slipping her shoes off, the phone cradled between her shoulder and chin. She began to tell him of the lovely evening.

"And are you seeing him again?"

"Yes," she said dryly, "Tomorrow. At work."

"That is not what I meant."

She sighed again. "He asked. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea."

"Why not? I thought you had a nice time?"

"There's just too much history there, Lorne. Too much already happened between me and him."

"Buffy, you can't live in the past forever. I'm with you, he made a mess of things the last time. But I think he's finally in his right head. And I think that if you let him, he could do right by you."

"It's a huge risk. I know I can't live completely in the past. But he gave me a lot of past to get over."


	6. Chapter Six

Forever Yours had two offices to their name. The first was the more official office which took up two floors of the building which was shared with a few other companies. They were not overly populated with employees as they outsourced to local businesses they had partnerships with so they were a pretty close-knit family, a vibe everyone seemed to enjoy. Their space was very open and welcoming, classy And with the small touches already flowing in from Faith's recent hire, it was looking more amazing than ever.

Angel smiled as his sister nearly jumped with joy upon entering the offices, seeing boxes she knew were meant for her. His eyes flicked up to some of the newly painted areas and he smiled briefly before wishing her luck and heading to his office quickly before going to search a certain someone out.

When he found out she wasn't here, he made up some excuse to go look for her elsewhere.

The second "office" of theirs was where he figured he'd try next. It was a mansion on the outer part of town that they owned and have converted to be everything they needed. They owned several acre's of land which they used for gardens, pictures, outdoor weddings, you name it. It was a beautiful piece of artwork out there. There were flowers and trees, open spaces of bright green grass, gazebo's, decks, fish ponds, and more. There were three giant parking areas, fountains, storage buildings, everything you can dream of.

Inside, it was hard not to be overwhelmed. There were several areas inside that they also used for weddings, not that they required their customers to marry here but it was an option they provided, several more for parties, receptions, specific dressing chambers. They had storage areas, a few offices, bedrooms for employees working late, bathrooms. There was a giant kitchen, wine cellar, two formal dining areas. He had his own main studio at the house, several areas, prop and equipment closet, dark room... They had designated play areas for children plus a nursery... Anything they needed, it was here, somewhere or another.

And that rang true for him as he spotted the familiar blonde hair racing up the stairs.

OoOoO

"Angelus," Buffy greeted upon seeing him and once the quick flash crossed her face of surprise. "Just the person I want to see."

He didn't detect any sarcasm in her tone and took a step closer. "And why's that?" he asked softly.

She turned, smiled and walked over to him and held out two sheets of paper in her hands. "I had a meeting about 20 minutes ago with Gwendolyn Post," she said and looked at him to make sure he knew who she was talking about. He nodded so she continued, "She brought these in and wanted to get your opinion on them."

Angel sighed, looking more closely. They were two printed off pages with collages of some engagement pictures.

"I told her since she was already here I would take them if she wanted and pass them on to you, that way you can go ahead and look over them and kind of have a 'feel' for what she's looking for before your meeting with her."

He nodded, looking over each of the photos, lifting the white pages from Buffy's hands. She smiled and he tried returning one, he went and placed the sheets on the nearby desk then leaned against it. "Thanks."

She shrugged. "Anytime. So what are you doing all the way out here today?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

She sucked in a breath at that. "About what?"

"What do you think?"

"Look, Angelus, if you wanted to get in an argument with someone, you could have just as easily stirred something up with Faith and saved the trip."

He looked down. "I don't want to fight or argue with you, Buf."

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't know what all is going on with you, Angel. I get you want to change your life and all and I truly wish you luck with that. I do. I think it's great for you. But I can't..."

"Why not?" he asked, stupidly. He knew exactly why, and that was all his damn doing.

She sighed, taking a few aimless steps around the room they were sharing. "Just because we can more or less get along when we try to doesn't mean we would work as anything more. There's reason as to why the past several years of us working together has been the way it was, very hostile, very snarky. There's a history here, and not a pretty one. You are all too well aware of that, Angel. To a point things are forgiven, maybe even forgotten, not in a traditional sense but enough to make life bearable. But there's so much that will never be, too. Things that we will always be unable to handle with one another."

"We could," he broke in, his voice soft, near pleading.

Her head shook lightly. "I don't think so, Angel. I really don't. There's a lot of hostility here, probably always will be. There will always be 'triggers' for us, certain things from the past that will always set us off. Maybe not as bad as it has in these past years but I'm sure there's a handful of things that will always be carried around with us. Unhealthy as that is, it's true. And most of it, honestly, will be on my end of things."

"No one is saying that this would be easy, Buffy," he told her. "I understand that we have the past that we do, a lot of things happened, I understand I was godawful to you and I need a lot of making up to do on that. That there's so much I would have to do to get you to trust me in any way..."

She let out a huge sigh. "Angel, it just would not work. You have to have love in a relationship, friendship, you have to have trust in that person, loyalty to one another, you have to have respect. Those things with the two of us is damn near unthinkable. How you maybe see things in your head is one way, but obviously you would be leaving a lot of things out and not thinking everything all the way through. I mean, there's the idea of what I want my life and my future to be like, Angel. And you don't fit in it. The person I want to be with? I want to be able to build something with someone, to move forward with someone. I want to know that the person I am with has not ever hurt me in the way that you did, that hell they do not even possess enough to do that to someone. I want ups and downs with someone, absolutely, but not a past like we have. I don't want that in my life, Angel. I want to be able to open myself up to someone and they do the same. How would I ever feel comfortable with that you with again? Maybe to a point, sure, burying the hatchet as we have more or less in recent day is one thing and proves that there's a brighter path for us I'm sure, but there will always be a wall there for me when it comes to you. None of which am I saying to hurt you, it's just how it is."

"Buffy..."

She leaned against a desk on the other side of the room. "I want a real future, Angel. One with happiness and love. Not a past of pure darkness and a future where I can't get over what once happened. I want to fall in love, get married someday, have children with someone. I want a family one day. Not to always be feeling like dirt on the ground when I look at you, at least I do at times. Not to be reminded of what once transpired between us. I want to feel loved, safe. I want to be with someone who I know I am what they want, Angel. That..."

"You are what I want," he butted in again.

"You say that, Angel. You have said that. And in some way I even believe it... to a point I suppose. But I'm not..." She sighed. "I wasn't enough, as I told you. Whatever reasons you want to throw out to rebut that, it doesn't change anything. You always wanted someone, many someone's, more. It wasn't enough to just be with me, Angel. That's not going change now, not ever. I can't live like that. I don't want to always feel like I'm not good enough for the person I am with. I have been there, done that. I don't want to be sharing someone with the rest of the female population. I don't want to live with doubt of myself, my relationship. I don't want to always be left wondering, waiting, looking over my shoulder. I don't want to always be questioning myself. I don't want to be in a situation where everytime your phone goes off I wonder who it is now, when you're out of my sight who it is you are off with, and even when you're right in front of me be questioning who it is you're thinking about. I don't want to be out somewhere and suddenly one of your past one night stands pop up, throwing themselves at you or be someone you're sneaking around with showing up in my face. I don't want to be left waiting for the other shoe to drop. And when it does, I don't want a repeat of the past. To go through all of that again. Angel, I barely survived before. I can't do it yet again. We both deserve to find the life, the person we want. Someone who makes us happy and gives us everything we want. You and I are not that for one another, we never will be."

OoOoO

t was much later in the evening and most of the staff had left the office when Lorne popped his head in Angel's office. "Hey Angelcakes, if you're still here could you..." Lorne trailed off as he took in the picture before him.

Angel slowly looked up. "Yeah, what do you need?" he asked.

Lorne sighed, stepping into the room. "Well, I was going to ask you if you could look up an old file for me..." he said, coming into the room. Lorne crossed over to Angels desk and handed him the sheet f paper with what information he'd gathered and explained one of the local magazines had requested it for their next issue. And while Angel went to work on finding it, Lorne walked over to take a seat. "And you need to tell me what is going on in that broody head of yours."

Angel sighed. He peeked over at Lorne then back at his screen. Lorne was quiet, letting him gather his thoughts.

Angel sighed again. He pressed a few keys then leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes with one hand. "What happened after I left?" he finally asked.

Lorne seemed surprised by that question. They both knew what he was referring to. "You already know..."

"I know some of it," he cut in softly. "I know Buffy lost the baby, that she had a rough time of it, went on to graduate and the two of you started the business up not long after. I know some details and have the general idea but..."

This time, Lorne sighed. "What's this about?" he asked one of his oldest friends. "Are you just trying to torture yourself more over the past and things nobody's going to be able to change?"

"Partially," Angel admitted. "But it's also... I don't know. I'm trying to figure some things out."

"Like?"

"What I'm supposed to do." Angel was quiet again for a few moments. "I've spent most of this day thinking of going into your office and asking how long you think it would take you to find someone else and me just walking away from everything."

"Oh, but then she'd win," Lorne said with a smirk.

Even the corner of Angel's lips twisted upward slightly at that. "True, but maybe it'd be for the best. The two of working together has never been easy. Maybe it'd be for the best, maybe it's time. Maybe this was what we needed to find some sort of closure on the past and just let it go."

Lorne thought about that for a moment. "Other options?" he asked.

"I stay here, continue to work here, but... let go of the idea of me and her. I shut all those feelings and thoughts down as best as I can manage and just leave her alone to live her life as she chooses."

"Or?"

"I keep trying to figure out a way to get her back. Which right now I feel might only destroy me and get us nowhere."

Lorne was silent for a very long time, trying to come up with the right thing to say. Finally, he chose a number of events that he felt would get his point across and began to fill in some details with those stories for the man across from him. He chose his words carefully, trying to paint the picture of the past the best he could. It wasn't pretty, but it was the truth. Buffy had been an utter wreck during her time dating Angel not only when he left, and he tried his best to bring Angel into what was once a very dark period in their lives. "Now Angel, I'm not telling you this to run you off or let you fall into more self loathing," he said afterward. "But more as to help you with this crossroads you are on, for whatever you decide is the best way to go. You weren't there to see things falling apart, and I can only describe it so well, but I think we can all agree no one wants to see a repeat of the past. And as I have told you, if you think for one second you can't be what she needs or that you will make those very choices all over again than for all that is holy you just got to leave that girl be. There's no ifs, ands or buts about it. You just gotta turn the other way, accept the way things are, and let her go on with her life and you do the same. But on the other hand, if you truly believe there's a change and that if you don't try you'd regret it the rest of your life than maybe it's worth the shot at chasing after it. But you'd have one hell of a road before you there. You two have a very damaged road that you'd have to repair before going any further. Buffy's not exactly going to just drop everything, forget the past and jump into this. There's a lot of rebuilding you would have to do, and who knows if it would even go anywhere."

Angel laid his head down on his desk. He was well aware it'd in no way be an easy task, didn't know if anything he would ever try to do any good, or if it'd be worth it. Well, that wasn't exactly true. He knew no matter what... trying would matter to something, at least for him. Hell, the reason keeping him for walking away after seeing her earlier was the simple idea of what if. What if things could change, if he could show her somehow that everything would be different. That what if there was one chance of a lifetime waiting and he bailed out and missed it.

Then again, trying and failing the rest of his life didn't sound promising either. It'd kill him, and he knew would only hurt her in the process as well.

"Can you please tell me what to do?" he asked, turning his head so he could see his friend and boss. He looked miserable.

Lorne's lips twisted in a small smile. "I wish I could," he offered.

Angel sighed once more. "Got a magic eight ball?"

OoOoO

After an emotional day, Buffy was ready to just head home but on her way there she got a call from Fred so wound up heading to the hospital instead. Not that she minded, of course. She'd been meaning to stop by soon as it were, though the two texted or called nearly every day.

Buffy stopped to get a fresh batch of flowers first then she was soon walking through the halls of the hospital until she found her friend.

Fred smiled brightly as she walked in, though she looked like she was in a lot of pain. From her texts earlier Buffy knew she'd been having a rather rough go of things today. Buffy smiled back, showing her the flowers and changed an old vase out for the new ones before setting her things down and coming over to the bed and taking a seat next to the brunette.

Buffy and Fred fell into easy conversation, jumping from one subject to another. Fred never really wanted to talk much about the bad things that were going on with her unless she had to so that was always only briefly touched on. Instead, she looked for the positives, told Buffy some sweet stories of things that had happened in recent days from things with her and Wesley to strangers to some of the hospital staff. She caught Buffy up on one of her soap operas she'd become obsessed with since finding out of her illness. The girls discussed current events, news, work, just about everything.

And eventually the tables turned to another sore subject.

Angel.

Buffy groaned. "You don't want to know about my problems," she told her friend.

Fred shook her head. "Oh, come on. You said you saw him earlier after the big date and fall out. So, what happened?"

"Fred, sweetie, the last thing you need is me burdening you with my drama."

It took some coaxing, but finally she broke her down and Buffy began replaying not only their talk from earlier in the day but the past few days, the events since the last time she'd been out to see Fred. She laid down in the small hospital bed with the brunette, going over everything that had happened from events, words, feelings and thoughts from the past few days.

Halfway through, Wes came in. Buffy didn't mind, she knew he was in the loop anyway through her or Fred or even Angel or Lorne. They were part of their little group now so one way or another all seemed to come out. She'd briefly stopped to ask how things were with him but then it was back to the painful situation that existed between her and her most famous ex.

Wesley remained quiet, but Fred had some words of wisdom she thought she would share with the blonde. "Buffy, I am not even going to try and excuse the things Angel has done in the past, let alone even try to understand them. I won't try to deny you were hurt in unimaginable ways or anything like that. But I will say in the time I have know the two of you I have seen it very clear that there's something there. And not just the past, but there's always remained a sort of spark between the two of you. The way you two look at each other when you think no one is looking could crush the heart of a soulless man."

Buffy tilted her head down, looking at the floor.

"Being young and stupid is no excuse, there is no excuse quite honestly, but it's been quite some time since those years of past and Angel seems to have grown up in many ways... though yes, some seemed to have happened much later in the game than others. But you can't deny he's at least trying. Whether that is good enough or not, if it pans out or not... no one can really answer that right now. And it is one hell of a leap on your part to even think about opening yourself back up when it comes to that man. And no one can tell you whether it is a good idea or not, no one can tell you what the future holds, so it's only up to you for what you think is right. But... that doesn't mean those around you, who love you, can't try to give you advice either," she said with another big smile.

"Why don't I like the sound of this?"

Ignoring that, Fred grabbed her hand. "I know you don't want him to be the one for you given the past you two share, but what if he is, Buffy? What if it was all part of the plan in the end, for whatever awful, twisted up reason? I know when you think of giving him another chance your mind has to go right straight to all the possibilities of everything falling apart all over again. And believe me, I don't blame ya for it. But what if, Buffy, what if it didn't go down that route?"

Buffy sighed. She'd touched some on that with her talk with Angel earlier. "What if whether things went right or wrong on his end, I couldn't get over the past or the fear of things?" she countered in another tired sigh before questioning more things floating in her head out loud.

The two continued to go over things from all different sides, and soon Buffy was feeling more drained and her head was starting to hurt.

Fred left her with one rather heart felt thought before she left for the evening. Using her own situation somewhat, Fred asked some heavy questions that she knew were probably crossing a line in some ways but came out anyway. Things such as what if this was a second chance for them and what would happen if Buffy let it go only to find out in time she let a good thing go? Or what if tomorrow their worlds were turned upside down by their own horrible tragedy-if that would make her feel any differently.

Winifred Burkle had become very anti-time wasting since she'd learned to cherish her every moment. She got a little heavy handed at times, she knew that, but in some cases she felt justified. It just hurt her too much to see people around her not taking opportunities, not taking chances, not going after what they want for all the wrong reasons. Heck, sometimes even if they went the opposite way for all the right reasons it still did.

She knew she was about to run out of time, well before she would ever be ready to. And some things it just didn't feel right to leave in such a mess without at least trying to put her two cents in or help out in some way.


	7. Chapter Seven

Over the next few days Buffy and Angel seemed to do anything possible to avoid one another but were civil when that was impossible, so when Buffy came knocking on his office door in the middle of a meeting looking nervous he didn't know what to think. "Buffy," he greeted.

"Hi," she said with a smile towards the couple. "You guys doing alright still?"

They both nodded.

"Great. Um, would you mind if I borrowed Angel for just a moment?" she asked and then thanked them as they node once more and he got up. The two stepped out into the hall and Buffy softly shut the door before looking at him.

"What's going on?" he asked.

She took a breath. "Your mother's here," she told him.

Well, that was one of the last things he wanted to hear. "My mother?"

Buffy nodded. "I just happened to be walking by the elevators when she just showed up," Buffy told him. "I thought you might want a heads up so have her trying some cake samples."

One of his hands came up to his neck, rubbing it roughly. "What is she doing here?" he breathed out, annoyed, knowing Buffy wasn't going to know nor probably care, but whatever the reasoning he wasn't going to like it.

"Want me to see if I can't keep her occupied until you're done in there?" she asked him after a moment.

Angel looked at her. "You don't have to do that."

She shrugged. "Go finish your meeting. I don't have anything planned for awhile so I will see if I can't keep at least part of the lid on the jar."

OoOoO

On her way back, Buffy let Lorne know as well and that she'd be going to the floor below to try and keep Angel's mother out of everyone's hair for the time being.

"Did you let my boy know I am here?"

Buffy nodded, taking a seat across from the older woman. "I did. He's currently in a meeting so I told him I'd keep you company until he was finished."

She huffed. "You would think he'd see his dear mother as more important, but apparently not. Boy never did have much in the way of manners."

Buffy pressed her lips together tightly. This woman had never been one of her favorite people. Ignoring her comments however, Buffy tried to smile. "What brings you out this way, Mary" she asked.

This got the older woman a little excited, she clapped her hands together. "I have some big news to share with my baby boy," Mary told her. She paused for effect, then, "I am getting married!"

Buffy's eyebrows went up and she groaned internally. Mary O'Connor had been married seven times... that they were aware of.

"I know what you are probably thinking..." Mary said, "But this time is different. He's rich. I mean filthy, R-I-C-H."

Buffy had to force herself not to roll her eyes.

"Which is what brought me here. We were discussing our plans and Holland - that's my beau - mentioned your little business here and he could just not believe it when I told him that my very own son worked here."

"Uh huh," Buffy said, trying to hide the dread from her tone.

"Exactly! So I said why not go surprise my boy and go over the details with you all and get this show on the road!"

Buffy nodded, trying not to groan. Changing the subject slightly from the wedding itself, Buffy began to ask about this new man she'd somehow conned into dealing with her.

OoOoO

When Angel knocked on the door then opened the door he was greeted by a number of faces... including the one of the mother he didn't want to see, Vi, Buffy, Lorne, among others. No one but his mother looked happy as he'd opened the door, but his mother's smile faded quickly and she wasted no time starting in on him of how long it had taken for him to join them and poor, poor pitiful her, her son not caring enough about the woman who birthed him to drop everything and come see her...

"Mother," he sighed out, "What has brought on this pleasant surprise visit?" he asked, forcing a smile as he found a spot along the back wall to lean up against.

She flashed him a big smile. "Sweetie, I have found the love of my life," she said dramatically.

"Again?" he asked, tilting his head. He got a smirk out of a few people with that.

Mary snapped her fingers. "Don't sass me," she told him angrily. "I have met the love of my life, his name is Holland Manners, and as I have been discussing with everyone... we would like to use you all for our wedding."

Angel grimaced at the thought of that nightmare. While his mother had been married several times and engaged even more than that, she'd always left him out of it. Hell, most of the time he didn't know she'd roped another one in until it was over and she was begging him for money or one thing or another.

OoOoO

Angel wasn't quite sure exactly how it happened looking back, but things had escalated rather quickly in that room.

He let his mother drabble on for awhile, asking a few questions here and there. When it'd been asked of a time frame she had in mind, that was kind of the starting point to the explosion. She'd said as soon as possible, giving her absolutely final date or sometime in just under two months time. He, and others, had tried to explain that the ideas she had mentioned and those she'd yet to would take time and more importantly they were booked for the time being pretty well, but that just would not do.

His mother had gone through the motions from there. Half joking with the poor mom side and ending in a huff of anger all due to her no-good son.

Many had taken an exit when there was still time, but Buffy and Lorne remained in there with him trying to handle the situation. Mary had dug her claws into them as well. Lorne had stayed professional throughout her tirade, though he looked close to coming unhinged a few times, and while his tone remained calm and collected he did happen to share some choice words with her. Buffy had also tried her best to remain calm throughout but that didn't go as smoothly for her.

Buffy had asked Mary several times to cool it down, even came to his aid several times during the verbal lashing, and eventually she grew all too tired of it. Mary started in on both how Buffy was always better than everyone and how being with him was such a horrible mistake but then turning around and down talking her using all the things he had done as most of the examples.

He wasn't standing for her saying any of that to Buffy and Buffy wasn't taking any more crap from her about any of them. She gave Mary one last chance to walk away, to just take her leave, saying it'd be best if she left but that only added fuel to the fire. And then all hell broke loose.

While dear mom was screaming and hollering, Buffy's voice did raise but not by all too much, but she did dish out her own verbal lashing.

In the end, security had to come escort his mother out.

The room was silent for a long while, then Buffy took a deep breath. "I don't know about you all, but I need a drink now after all that."

OoOoO

"What's wrong?" Angel asked Faith when he was heading back to his office and spotted her.

Faith's eyebrows were scrunched up together and she looked both confused and pissed off. "I just saw your mother," Faith said. "She was acting insane, started screaming at me... what the hell happened?"

Angel groaned, apologizing on behalf of the old bat, then told her to come on and he'd fill her in.

OoOoO

Starting at the bar, they downed several drinks, ordered more and decided to go find a table in the back. While tension had followed them, it actually started to fall away pretty easily as time went on. Th all pointed and discussed the elephant in the room but even that turned humorous to everyone with enough liquor in the systems.

They all laughed, joked, danced and played some games around the bar.

When it was just the two of them though, Buffy let her head clear enough to talk to Angel a little more on the serious side of things. She knew Mary O'Connor and more importantly what she managed to do to her son so wanted to make sure he was alright. Even more so after learning about some particular things that had happened due to his mother in recent times.

Angel nodded, apologizing again to her on behalf of his mother. He'd done so at least five times to them since getting here.

Buffy shook her head, saying she was sorry the whole mess even happened.

OoOoO

Turning around about to make a joke to the guy he was playing a game of pool with, Lorne stopped, watching the pair. He leaned back against the table, taking them in. From the way they were looking at one another as they talked about who knew what, he thought there might just be a chance for them yet. He'd had a feeling Angel was going to quit soon - both the business and chasing after Buffy - he'd been looking like a mess lately and he figured Angel would look for the easy way out as he stood at the crossroads, but then way he was looking at her right now seemed to speak of a change in direction.

Buffy... he didn't know what to think about her just yet though. He knew if she let herself crack when it came to him it'd be all over, but she was doing anything and everything possible to keep her walls up.

OoOoO

Angel wasn't sure what changed, but something did. One moment Buffy was telling him she was sorry about earlier, telling him all the reasons his mother was wrong in all she'd blasted off about, and somewhere during that time something shifted. The way she was suddenly looking at him had his mouth going dry, his heart beating faster. She dropped off mid-sentence of what she was saying, and was just looking at him.

Angel knew the simple explanation could be the amount of alcohol in everyone's system, but he needed to believe at least some part of it was something else. He needed even a tiny bit of something to hold on to.

"I would never hurt you again, Buffy," he whispered after a moment. His fingers came up to brush some loose strands of her blonde locks out of her face.

Her eyes fluttered as he touched her. "Angel," she breathed out.

She tried getting back to her senses, trying to take a step away from him but he reached out, putting one arm around her and drawing her closer to him. "Please," he whispered. "Just give me a chance. Let me prove you wrong, let me prove her wrong, hell the world. I know you deserve better, I know that, but I can promise you, swear to you, I can still be everything you want."

Angel nearly fainted as he looked at her, searching her face, begging with everything he had. He was terrified to believe it, but he swore he saw a flash of something go through her. And that meant he had a glimmer of hope.

OoOoO

Buffy felt a need to strangle one Winifred Burkle the following morning, and was happy to let the petite brunette know all about it, too. After a very long shower and several cups of coffee. Not having any idea of last night's events, Fred asked her what was going on and Buffy did her best to fill her in on what all transpired yesterday. From Angel's mother coming into town to all of them going out for some drinks last night, to Angel again declaring his want to be with her again while they were out to him walking her to the door and kissing her. Buffy told Fred she had severely messed up her sense of judgement the last time they were together and continuing through some of their later talks with each other, that as she'd stood there in front of him she kept replaying some things Fred had said to her.

Buffy knew it was hardly all due to her friend, or friends for that matter, that her own feelings remained a huge part in everything as well. But she wasn't ready to think about all of that just yet.

Buffy cursed as she rushed through her morning ritual, already running late.

OoOoO

Luck, as always, was not on her side. As she hurried up to the elevator Buffy groaned, seeing Angel and Faith just coming up to it. Angel's eyes fell on her and she wanted to go bury herself in a hole somewhere.

Faith smirked, making up some excuse to leave them alone. Buffy was too busy trying to remind herself of all the wrongs that had happened between her and her ex to pay attention. Buffy was about to just go take the stairs when the doors opened and Angel scooted her in before she could make a break for it.

He went over to one corner of the elevator for a moment, just staring at her, then pushed the emergency stop button.

Buffy sighed. "What are you doing?" she asked, annoyed.

"Stop."

"I'm already running late, Angelus."

"Stop," he repeated.

"Stop what?" she asked, more annoyed, turning to look at him. She felt her knees already weakening from the look in his dark eyes.

He didn't match her anger or annoyance as he spoke, instead his voice was very soft. "Playing the past over and over on an endless loop, telling yourself every wrong thing that could potentially go wrong, just to build up that damn wall against me."

Buffy clenched her jaw, looking away.

"We all know I fucked up before, but I'm not going to again. I want to be with you, more than you realize, Buffy. Just give me a goddamn chance here. Please," he begged in a whisper, similar to last night.

"Angel," Buffy said, her own voice much softer now as well, her eyes trained on the gray wall ahead of her. The annoyed tone remained. "If you want to sleep with someone than there are a million girls out there who would be happy to help you out with that."

Angel let out a growl at first. "If all I wanted to do was have sex with you, I could have done that last night," he told her.

Buffy stiffened some. She knew that was true. She'd just about thrown herself at him when he walked her from their cab up to her front door.

"But I don't just want to sleep with you. I want to be with you. Like I told you last night, trust me, there's no question I wanted to go in with you, no question that every single day I don't crave the idea of you and me tangled up somewhere. But I want more than that with you. I don't want to rush into the damn bedroom with everything else a mess. I don't want to because of some stupid ass shit that happened that day. When you and me start tearing one another's clothes off and heading for a bedroom door I want you to be deciding that with a clear mind and because you want it as bad as I do."

Buffy closed her eyes, an internal war raging on. "Why are you doing this?" she finally asked. "Why? Why now?"

Angel sighed, walking over to her. He reached his arms around her, holding her at the waist and drawing her closer. This wasn't the first time a similar question had been asked, and he gave her the best answer he could again.

"We're going to be late."

Angel continued to hold her, burying his face in her neck and hair.

"What do you want from me, Angel?" she asked after a few moments had passed.

What did he want? Angel sighed. He wanted her, wanted her to let him in, to give him another chance. He wanted to get her to trust him again, love him again. He wanted to take her out to dinner, movies, go on vacations together, go to amusement parks, have picnics, go out dancing. He wanted to have a home with her, fall asleep next to her every night, be a reason she smiled every day. He wanted to laugh with her, be the person she came to when she had a problem. He wanted to be able to call her his, know they had a forever waiting for them, be committed to her as he should have been from the start. He wanted to show her how he felt, how sorry he was for the past, to at least try to make up for it. He wanted to celebrate birthdays, holidays with her, he wanted to fight and argue with her, give her anything she wanted. He wanted to marry this girl, have a life with her, a family with her. He wanted everything.

"You can have anybody you want," she spoke again while he was in his head.

"I only want you."

OoOoO

Finally making it in for their meeting, they earned a few looks but nothing more. For the time being. They had two weddings to tend to tomorrow so today was a lot of last minute running around, getting things together, making sure everything would be perfect. They also quickly discussed some of their other matters at hand before disbursing.

Buffy went to her office to gather a few things then was heading back out to go to the house. Angel cut her off along the way, offering a ride. She started to argue but then just gave up, agreed and waited for him.

Angel grabbed her hand soon after they started off. The look he gave her nearly seemed like a dare to snatch it back out of his grasp but she didn't. So he kept his hand linked with hers the whole way there and just casually discussed the day ahead as if all of this was the most normal thing in the world.

OoOoO

Each had their own tasks to go do though a number of times throughout the day they wound up having to work together. Buffy always felt like he was watching her though.

When their day was winding down, she made a stop to his studio to tell him she had quite a few more things to do so he'd probably be finished long before her so he could go on ahead and she'd get another ride back. But after he was done for the day he came to find her, asking if there was anything he could do to help. And after he finished with one task after another, he simply said he'd wait.

He really didn't mind, he loved watching her. She was always in her element when it came to these things. You could see the wheels in her head turning with every move she made, always getting everything perfect. It made her a hell of a lot calmer too, so conversation went rather smoothly as he asked a variety of questions.

When she finally finished checking and then double checking everything one final time, they walked back to the car.

"What do you feel like?" he asked, buckling up.

"What?"

"Food. Where'd you like to go?"

Her eyebrows raised. "I would like to go back to the office to drop these off."

"We'll get to that."

"Angel."

"You haven't stop to eat all day and I will bet you either skipped breakfast or had something quick on the go so you have to be hungry. I ate lunch and I'm hungry. So..."

"I can eat when I get home, thank you."

He thought for a moment. "I can cook?" he offered.

"You are unbelievable," she muttered.

"Determined," he amended.

She shook her head and was silent at first. "I haven't gone shopping yet, there's next to nothing at my house anyway."

He smiled. He could work with that.

OoOoO

Buffy couldn't believe she had agreed to this, but the pair went back to the office for a few moments, she got her car and the pair went shopping then back to her place. Angel helped her put everything away then started preparing to make them something. This was very much not part of her be civil but nothing more to him plans.

Kicking her shoes off, she got them something to drink then hopped up on one of her bar stools and watched him.

"Have you heard anything else from Mary?" Buffy asked after a few minutes passed.

"Uhh, other than a few angry voice mails she left for me, no. I'm sure I will sooner or later though."

"Sorry," she offered.

Angel shrugged then went on to tell her he'd done a quick Google search for this Holland Manners fellow, though he'd have to look more into him later. So far he didn't see anything incriminating but that was just through a quick browse.

At least that was better news than with her last husband. He'd gotten a post card in the mail with the news and did a search for the new husbands name... the first page was filled with a murder charge. Apparently he'd recently gotten released, later learning his mother had been writing to this guy while he was in prison.

She had a way with always finding the best men the world had to offer obviously.

From there, the two discussed other family members, Angel's cooking skills, and touched on a few better times from when they were younger.

Buffy joined him on the other side of the kitchen to grab some plates and start setting the table as he finished up. And soon they were seated with their refilled glasses and plates of spaghetti and garlic bread.

OoOoO

"This was actually kind of nice. Thank you," Buffy told him after they cleaned up and sat around talking awhile longer.

He smiled a bit. "I'm really not so bad, you know. Not all the time anyway."

Buffy smiled softly. "I know that. Always have."

Buffy had always seen better in him than anyone else. But also had seen the worst in him as well. "Guess I should be heading out, seems we have a busy day tomorrow."

Buffy nodded. "Right. That we do."

The pair seemed to be walking in near slow motion as they headed for her door. Angel opened it, leaning against it. "I love you, Buffy Summers," he told her wish a deep breath. "You loved me once, too. And I will do anything and everything possible to try and get you to again."

"Careful what you chase after, Angelus."

"Why? I might just catch it?" he asked back.

Buffy looked up at him slowly. "You might just realize you were wrong and it's still not what you really want."

His head shook. "That's not even possible," he told her. Keeping her from arguing back, he leaned down and gave her a soft but quick kiss. "Can you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Save me a dance tomorrow. Can I ask one more favor?"

"What's that?"

"Hold on to this feeling. Don't stay up all night playing a loop of all my mistakes so that you hate me come tomorrow all over again."

OoOoO

Buffy stood in the doorway watching him go out to his car and eventually take off. The two had stared at one another for a long while, but eventually she was back to being alone and staring at that same spot. Swallowing, she put a hand up to her necklace and toyed with it. She hated the feelings brewing inside of her when it came to that man.

Buffy was absolutely terrified he was going to pull her back in, despite any of her best efforts.

Sighing, she closed the door and went to go call Lorne and hope he had some words of wisdom to share before calling it a night.


	8. Chapter Eight

"Is that really the two of you?" Both Buffy and Angel stopped to look at the very large framed portrait of the two of them from years ago, both dressed up, looking like a tiny bride and groom, that was displayed on the wall.

Buffy smiled. "Yes, yes it is."

"That is so cute," their first bride gushed. She looked at them then the photo again. "Was that here last time and I just missed it?"

"No," Angel told her. "My sister has somewhat recently started working with us and this is sort of her new vision."

"It's really cute, you guys look adorable! Both then and now."

"Thank you," they both told her.

The bride smiled, looking at them. "You two ever think about getting together?" she asked suddenly.

Buffy blushed, taking her by the hand. "Okay, before you start planning a wedding between me and Angel here... how about we get you through yours, alright?"

OoOoO

Their first wedding for the day was for a younger couple and was a little wild and crazy but it was fun and everything went off without a hitch. Both the wedding and reception were held at the mansion and the latter being longer than normal but that was expected. The couple were young artists, caught up in a whirlwind romance as they put it. Their carefree spirits were more than welcome though against all the turmoil going on otherwise.

They were still cleaning up everything by the time the second wedding was to go on. Those who were needed for it left, going to work on round two.

The second wedding was on the opposite scale of things. The couple were an older pair, this being the second marriage for the bride and third for the groom. They held it outside in one of the gazebos and only had a handful of guests, but it was actually very sweet and lovely. These were always the ones Buffy remembered and touched her. They hadn't purchased or prepared anything for a reception but before it was over, Buffy had an idea to throw something together for them anyway. It wasn't much but they appreciated it so much they and her were in tears from the gesture.

Angel stood several feet away, watching through his camera as Buffy spoke to their older newlyweds. Buffy had sprung into action to throw the a small reception and had gone over to tell them. The smiles on their faces were worth a million dollars, he had one crossing his face as he captured their reactions. The woman's arms came out to hug Buffy and she started crying as she spoke to her. Buffy's own eyes started tearing up as well.

Compared to their normal after parties, and those not so normal like the one from earlier, it wasn't much, but it meant the world to them. Buffy had gotten one of their extra rooms set up for them. There were tables and chairs, a few decorations placed around for them. Buffy had gotten it set up so everyone could have some drinks and some left over food and snacks from the previous party as well as some things the kitchen had in there anyway.

She got music playing, found some games for the younger children, and gave them their gifts from everyone. Though they were all her. She got to know these people and always crafted together the perfect item or basket or getaway for whoever the lucky couple were.

Their bride was back in tears as she opened everything, grabbing Buffy back by the hand to thank her for everything. Angel snapped photos, capturing these moments for them forever.

He pulled the camera down from his face, looking over to where she still stood with the happy couple. This was exactly why she was so good at this. And exactly why he was in love with her.

OoOoO

Buffy was smiling, waving at the party as they started to finally head out, climbing into their cars and saying their last thank yous and goodbyes. She looked around trying to spot Angel who'd up and disappeared but couldn't find him anywhere. She felt good about today, especially making this pair's day just a little extra special, though was dreading the clean up waiting for her. Thankfully it wouldn't be much but all the same she was ready to finish up here and head home.

"This is why it's always been you," she suddenly heard from behind her. Buffy jumped, turning her head to find Angel there. He put a piece of paper in her hand, gave her one last serious look that had been a staple for some reason with him today, then stepped back away. Her eyes followed him, her eyebrows scrunched together, but finally she unfolded the sheet in her hand to find a printed off photo he'd taken today. It was from earlier when they were inside, just getting the couple settled in with their surprise after party.

Buffy's eyes lifted back up, finding Angel off to the side several yards away, snapping the last few shots as everyone left. His eyes met hers briefly, but she was still unsure what was going on in that head of his.

OoOoO

The guests were seen off, the place cleaned up, everyone finishing up what else they had left before slowly piling out themselves for the day. Buffy found herself there much later than expected so when she finally finished up she was rushing to get on out the door. This had her nearly colliding with Angel in the process. "Hey."

"Hey."

"You just finishing up?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah, figure I can do a little at home and everything else left here and there the next few days."

Buffy nodded. "You've been avoiding me the past several hours," she commented.

He moved his large bag from one shoulder to the other. "Yeah..."

She waited for him to add on to that but was about to give up when he just up and changed the subject.

"You did good today, Summers," he told her. "You made their day with all this."

Buffy smiled a little and gave a small shrug. "We had the extra supplies that were just going to go to waste for the most part. It wasn't a big deal."

"It was to them."

"I was worried they'd see it as overstepping the bounds but I think they enjoyed it so I'm glad."

He laughed a little. "You made their day, Buffy," he repeated. "Start to finish."

She shrugged again. "Everyone deserves their wedding day to be special."

A silence fell between them as they walked towards the front doors together.

"So..." Buffy prodded as they stepped outside in the cool evening air. "You going to tell me what earlier was all about?"

Angel scratched at his neck, his eyes searching the mostly empty parking lot. "I was avoiding you earlier because I was afraid I'd let emotions get to me too much. That I would either break down and tell you you are just too fucking good for me and I quit chasing you for everyone's good or that I'd drag you into the closest room with a door and try everything possible to seduce you."

Buffy was rather taken back by his bold confession.

His head turned back to her. "Like I said, what you did in there is exactly why it's always been you for me. Despite what I have done or who I've wasted time with, it's always been you, Buffy. I've been with my fair share of women, which I'm not exactly proud of but that's fact, and I could be with any number of them too... but I'm here wanting you and only you from here on out. Do I deserve that? At this point and time, absolutely not, I know that. But I'm trying to get close to that." Angel took a deep breath. "That's who you are, who you've always been. You see the best in everyone, even those who don't deserve it. You saw good in me when no one else could or even wanted to. You'd do anything to make a complete stranger smile. Whether we had supplies or not you would have made this happen, one way or another. That's a beautiful quality, Buffy. You're beautiful, smart and determined. You know exactly who you are, yet refuse to see so much everyone else does all the same. You have the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known. Even after I tore it to shreds."

Buffy closed her eyes for an extra few seconds. "Angel, I think you have an idealized version of the past and of me. That you are just chasing after a past that does not exist."

His head shook. "I don't want want the past, Buffy. Not in any way, shape or form. The past is what it is and there's nothing I can do about the horror that was with us but apologize for it. I don't want that back, Buf. I want a future, not the past. Maybe the past we should have had, but not what was."

"And what kind of a future would we have, Angelus?" she asked him.

He was quiet for a moment, then, "Why don't we find out?"

OoOoO

As Buffy was crawling into bed several hours later, she sighed, gathering her phone up. She bit her lip, going through the motions to set an alarm for the morning on it then shook her head, putting it on the charger before she changed her mind. Though as she laid in bed before drifting off she wondered why in the world she had agreed to meet Angel for breakfast before work, to do something like this again. They'd had their past, they'd even had a brief 'something' with their dinner together not all that long ago where she'd already walked away from more happening once before. 'So why am I doing this to myself again?'

Buffy let out a deep sigh into the dark room.

She knew she'd made a mistake with letting a crack in her armor form. If it kept on, she'd be useless against this and the idea of all the wrongs that could happen absolutely terrified her to no end. It was near impossible to even think about trusting him again, but it was also too easy to fall for him all the same.

No matter what had happened between them, he owned a very large part of her heart. Always would. No matter how much she tried to deny it or will it out of her. And the way he had been behaving in recent times, and some not so recent ones as well, tore at her more than she could stand, too. It was too unfair to begin to believe that things could somehow work out with them now.

OoOoO

"I always expect you to cancel on me," Angel told her the following morning.

Buffy smiled a little, trying to pay more attention to the menu in front of her than the man. "I always intend to," she told him. She saw him smile at that. And it was true. She almost always did, but for the most part she would suck it up and deal with whatever task at hand. This morning she'd meant to text him and cancel but instead found her side in silence as she read what he'd sent during the night, basically telling her he missed falling asleep next to her. How he'd worded it left her a little speechless so she opted to just close the message out and ignore everything for awhile.

After they ordered, somehow something switched them from their current unease and they wound up having a surprisingly good time. Somehow they wound up playing a game nearly like Twenty Questions after a comment Angel had made about if they really even knew one another anymore. By the end of it they were both laughing so hard they were getting a few looks from other customers in the small cafe.

Buffy used one hand to fan her very red face then took the last sip for her cup, nearly choking as she started laughing again. "Oh, hell."

Angel busted right back up with her, laying his head down on the table to gather himself back up.

"Oh, we are terrible," she said, shaking her head. "I think we better be heading out though, unless we want to be late to work, too."

Angel lifted his head, a smile on his face. "Ah, we couldn't have that now, could we?"

"This was fun," Buffy told him, gathering her things. "You can be good company when you wanna be, Angelus. I guess I'd forgotten that." He didn't reply to that, instead went to go pay for their meal, even though she protested.

"Thank you," Buffy told him as he rejoined her after he'd finished.

"Anytime." Angel walked her to her car, going over some things they had to do today. "Wanna have lunch with me?" he asked holding her car door open as she got in.

"This wasn't enough for one day?" she asked with a hint of a chuckle.

"Well, I figure things have been going pretty okay with us, but maybe if you spend enough time around me I can trick you into liking me a little."

OoOoO

Buffy soon found out that this was something he was very able to accomplish.

"What?"

Lorne pressed his lips together and shook his head.

She turned around. "What?" she repeated.

This time, her friend stood up and walked over to her. "Sweetie," he said softly. "You have been sharing every meal with our Angel boy for two weeks, you two are getting along, anytime you see him or hear from him you get this big, goofy grin on your face... and now you've got a room full of clothes spread out everywhere because you can't decide what to wear."

Buffy's eyes widened after a moment. "Oh, God."

"It seems you may be a little smitten... kitten."

Buffy winced. "Oh, God. I agreed to go on a date with him."

Lorne laughed. "Dinner and a movie... You're just realizing this?"

"I... I wasn't even thinking... Oh, this is not good, Lorne. I need to sit down. What the hell am I doing?"

Lorne helped her to a small chair, shaking his head up at the heavens.

Buffy thought back... it'd been just the other day when she'd seen a poster while out grabbing something to eat with Angel. She'd mentioned wanting to see it, and things went on from there. She really hadn't thought much of it then, but adding in everything else... now it seemed like a much bigger deal than she had signed up for.

While this wasn't set up as an official date or anything, it sure felt like it was on its way to that all of a sudden.

OoOoO

Lorne had taken off just a few minutes before Buffy heard the knock on her door. She'd managed to finally get dressed and to calm at least some of her nerves, but that left quite a few swirling around all the same as she'd gone to answer the door. She couldn't help but smile though as she took the sight of him in, nor when he took the final step up to stand in front of her, handing over a beautiful bouquet of flowers to her.

She swallowed as she took them, knowing this little gesture meant that he too saw this evening as more than just the two of them hanging out and doing something just for the heck of it as they'd been doing the past couple of weeks. She didn't comment on that though. Instead Buffy stepped out of the way to invite him in while she found a vase for the flowers.

Buffy's eyes glanced his way a few times as she set the flowers up. Angel looked a little nervous as he stood off to the side which made her feel a little better that she wasn't the only one on that end of things either.

Buffy cursed the warm feeling in her chest as Angel walked next to her, his pinky finger linking with hers, as he opened the car door for her, held her hand for the drive, made her laugh and feel more at ease along the way. She felt split. One side of her was full of worry, wanting to send out warning sirens, to go over why all of this was a stupid, stupid idea and run. Another was excited to feel this way around him, to see what might happen, if a second chance between the two of them would really be any different. It was a battle that had been raging for some time now, and she still wasn't sure which was on the winning side more.

She wasn't quite sure how they'd gotten here in the past several months, and she was less sure on what was in store for the future.

But for now... there was this.

OoOoO

As they pulled into the restaurant, Buffy made a comment about not remembering being one bit nervous back on their last first date when she caught Angel staring at her, making him laugh heartily. "Oh, I do," he told her, pulling into a free parking spot.

Buffy turned to look at him. "You were not nervous."

He chuckled again. "Oh, believe me, I was," he told her. "I always was when it came to you. Nothing like I'm feeling right now but still yet."

Buffy blushed a little at that. "A lot has changed since then I guess."

Angel shut the engine off, taking his keys out of the ignition. He leaned over to her, taking her chin with his thumb and finger. "A lot has," he agreed, his voice soft. "I'm not going to fail you or us this time, Buffy."

Buffy sucked in her breath as he leaned closer, his lips brushing against hers. It was quick and soft, and over far too soon. He pulled away, giving her one last look before unbuckling himself and climbing out. A few seconds later he was on the other side, opening the door for her.

Buffy was also excited about their choice of restaurant. It was a small casual dining place that'd only opened a month or so ago that she'd been wanting to try. And thankfully, they did not let her down. The two ordered way more than they probably should have but both enjoyed their meals, sharing about half of everything with one another in the process.

Buffy found out during the meal that Angel had been out to see Fred before coming to pick her up and asked him how she was. She'd called and missed her twice today so hadn't spoken to her since yesterday, though Wes had left her a voice-mail. She'd been having a rough few days again but Angel said she seemed to be at least a little better when he was there, though she was tiring easily.

The two carried on conversation easily as had become rather normal for them. They talked about their day, work, upcoming projects. They talked about the past some, not just about the two of them but old friends, school, better memories. They talked of music, movies, current events, and everything in between.

When they finally were finished and ready for the check most of the nerves each had been dealing with had fallen to the wayside once again. For Buffy at least she knew this had become a cycle for her emotions.

OoOoO

While they stood in line to get their tickets for the movie, Buffy noticed Angel getting a little nervous again but kind of in an agitated way more than anything else. She raised an eyebrow his way but he didn't seem to be paying attention so she tried following where his eyes would fall to here and there. She soon found herself focusing on a curly red haired woman across the lobby who was talking on her cell phone. 

"Friend of yours?"

Angel stiffened some. "No."

Buffy was quiet but nodded her head. It didn't take long to guess who she might be. Maybe not specifically speaking but the connection the strange woman had with her date.

"Sorry," Angel whispered several minutes later.

Buffy sighed. She waited for their tickets to be purchased and handed over then gave the woman one last look before turning back to him. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Angel. I think it is well documented, discussed, and known that you have dated a countless number of women." Buffy watched his face look even more ashamed somehow than it did a moment ago. "I don't know how I feel about that entirely or how difficult of a problem it may wind up for us. I told you before it certainly would make for some troubling times at least at some point, which I am sure it will. But we can't change what happened, not on that end of things or anything else. I am sure some woman you've taken home with you will almost always be a stones throw away." He winced. "But I really don't want to fight about that right now or be upset or whatever else. This has been a lovely evening so far and as of this moment this really doesn't feel worth losing that over."

Angel remained rather quiet during the movie, but seemed to relax some. He laughed at the jokes, cuddled her under his arm, kissed her temple a time or two.

Buffy honestly wasn't sure how she felt. She had a bad sinking feeling upon noticing the girl, Virginia, she had learned but there was no real reason for it. Jealousy was a fickle bitch though. But she was trying to push it aside and see reason here, and to have a good rest of their date despite it.

By the end of the movie she was curled up in Angel's lap instead of in her own chair, just like the old days with them taking trips out to see a movie. It felt silly but also very comforting.

They stayed through the end of the credits before she finally pulled herself off of him to stand and stretch. "So, what did you think?"

Angel covered up a yawn then stood when she moved a bit out of the way. "Better than I was expecting," he told her.

"Good. I didn't really think you would be too into it. We could have gone to see something else, you know."

Angel shook his head, reaching back out for her. "Nope, this was just fine. Besides, as it has always been I choose the restaurant, you pick the movie. Not everything from the past was broken."

Buffy laughed and shook her head.

Before leaving, the pair went over to the giant arcade area back in the lobby of the theater to play around for awhile. Before she knew it, Buffy found herself with an armful of prizes and goodies. "I see you still have a knack for those."

Angel smiled, shrugging. "It's one of my any talents."

They each got a large drink to go and then were back out to Angel's car. Buffy tossed her stuff into the back seat then climbed in. "You somehow always make for an interesting time, Angelus."

Angel smiled, leaning over to kiss her. "I'm glad you had a good time."

She smiled as well. "I very much did."

Angel checked the time then asked her if she wanted to go on home or make one more stop.

OoOoO

Climbing out of the car one more, Buffy hopped up on top of the hood and slide back to rest against the windshield. A moment later Angel was doing the same, joining her. He wrapped one arm around her and she curled a little closer to him.

They were far enough away from the city to be able to see the moon, the stars and the tail end of a meteor shower up in the sky.

"You remember the first time we did this?" Angel asked.

Buffy laughed. "Yes. I cursed you out the whole time for waking me up in the middle of the night and bringing me to the middle of a field in the freezing cold. And then I wound up breaking your windshield. Which, let us all hope will not happen again."

Angel chuckled. "I didn't expect it to be that damn cold. And my windshield was already cracked... we just didn't help matters."

"Uh huh."

He kissed her temple. "It was well worth it though. That was one of my favorite nights we had."

Buffy reached down for his hand, lacing her fingers with his.

OoOoO

They were both climbing back off the hood, ready to call it an end to their date as it was getting late, when their phones started going on. Ignoring them at first, they continued joking around, Angel chasing her around the car a few times and picking her up when reaching her, spinning them around. But when they didn't let up, the went to go see what was going on.

Neither one of them were given much information, just told they needed to get out to the hospital.


	9. Chapter Nine

They stepped out of the elevator, walked down the hallway, turned around the corner and then it took just mere seconds for them to read it on everyone's face. There was a small crowd gathered out in the hallway in front of Fred's door and everyone standing there looked ashen. Wesley looked lost, like a ghost. Lorne was there as were others from work.

Angel stopped short, feeling all the air in his body leaving him. He felt Buffy doing similar beside him, but only for an instant. The next thing he knew, Buffy was moving away from him and throwing her arms around Wes.

Angel's eyes drifted toward the room. He couldn't see much from where he stood, but the empty bed caught his eye, making his chest hurt. He had been here just a few hours ago. What the hell had happened?

"Oh God," Angel heard from behind him. "My baby! No, no, no!" Trish Burkle cried out. She and Roger came around him, moving towards Wesley, crying as they begged for their little girl to not really be gone.

Wes swallowed, taking a step away from Buffy and going to his in-laws. Time seemed to slow down. Trish put a hand over her mouth as she screamed, her knees giving out and nearly falling to the floor. Her husband had only just reached her in time to catch her before she'd hit the ground. He held his wife and they sunk to the white floor.

Angel watched as Lorne went to them, saying a few quiet words and patting Roger Burkle's hands before he made his way to Angel. "What happened?" Angel asked, his voice strained.

Lorne swallowed, taking another step. "Wesley said that after had left to go pick up Buffy, Fred laid down to take a nap. When she woke up they ate, she went for a test then when she came back to the room they started watching a documentary. He said she fell asleep only a few minutes into it. She just never woke back up. A nurse came to check on her about thirty minutes later, then she left and came back with another nurse and they told him that she was gone."

Angel let out a long, slow breath. This didn't seem real. Yes, they all knew this day would come, that Fred had been living on borrowed time for a good while now, but there was still absolutely no preparing for it.

More friends, family, co-workers and more would show up over the next couple of hours. Many of the hospital staff came by as well, all having liked the young brunette woman and wanting to pay their respects once they found out. 

Angel finally managed to move from his spot, telling Fred's parents how sorry he was for their loss and how wonderful their daughter was, as well as speaking to Wes and others. Not that any of it felt real still yet to him, or made anything any better.

Not wanting Wes to be alone, any who were still there got together to make arrangements for their friend and slowly everyone began to clear out. Angel walked over to what was her hospital room and peered inside. Hours ago he had been in here laughing and joking around, talking about his plans for the evening with Buffy, being lectured on how he had better not screw things up with her again. He'd brought her tea and her favorite dish for a deli they'd met at several times over the years. She'd nearly fallen asleep during the end of the visit but she sat up and gave him a strong hug before he left.

One thing they could all agree on was the peace in knowing she was no longer hurting.

OoOoO

Angel walked up behind Buffy, putting his arms around her waist loosely. "You want me to take you home?"

Buffy looked towards Lorne as he was getting into the elevator and nodded. She walked close to him, linking her arm in his, but neither said much. On the drive back to her townhome, Buffy laid her head on his shoulder as he drove, her eyes closed. He could feel warm wetness on his shoulder in bits and pieces along the ride.

In her driveway, Buffy unbuckled herself but pulled her legs up around her in the seat.

"You okay?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, not really," she answered. Her hands came up to wipe a new trail of tears from her face. "I guess I am as good as can be expected though."

Angel nodded. He was in the same boat, though he knew this had to be harder on her.

The two sat in silence a few minutes longer then she yawned. "I guess I should be going inside so you can get home," she said, but seemed to be stalling at actually doing such.

"Buf?"

She shook her head. "Sorry. This is ridiculous."

"What?"

"Nothing," she said, waving a hand and starting to reach for the door.

"What is it?"

She put one foot out the door. "I don't know. It's stupid. I just have some weird looming feeling about walking in there alone."

Angel smiled softly then got out of the car, coming around to her side. "I should be walking you back to your door anyway," he told her.

She took his outreached hand and they made their way up to her door. She unlocked it and hesitated again before walking inside. Buffy turned around, looked at hi, then looked down, her forehead creasing.

Angel watched her for a moment. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked without thinking.

That had her head popping up. "What?"

"Do you want me to stay here tonight? I can sleep on the couch."

Buffy shook her head. "You don't need to do that, Angel," she said softly. "I'll be fine. It's just been a long day."

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Thank you for tonight. I did enjoy our time out."

Angel reached one hand out, cupping her cheek and brushing loose blonde strands out of her face with his thumb. "I'm glad you had a good time, Buffy. I know you will probably have those walls built right back up, but that's okay. I will keep trying to get through as long as it takes."

Angel closed his eyes, a soft breeze brushing against him in the night air. His hand rested on the frame to Buffy's front door. She'd bid him goodnight, trying to assure him she was fine again. But he waited, just in case.

He was about to pull away though when the door reopened. His eyes opened to watch her jump a little in shock at seeing him there. "W-what are you..."

Angel let his hand fall from the frame back to her small body. He pulled her close to him and kissed her.

"Angel?"

He kissed her again. "I'll sleep on the couch," he told her again.

She looked at him then finally nodded. Her hand took his and she led him inside. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Buf. You shouldn't be alone right now, and honestly right now there's nowhere else I feel like being. Going back home doesn't sounds very appealing to me right now."

She seemed nervous, but he didn't mention it. She got him a glass of water and showed him around her place, leading him to one of the guest rooms that she told him he could use instead of camping out in the living room. "It's already made up and is what it's there for," she told him when he protested. "There's a bathroom just across the hall you can use. If you get hungry or something feel free to get yourself whatever you want, there's a tv in here or back downstairs... Just make yourself at home."

Buffy excused herself to go get ready for bed after he thanked her and he went to freshen up as well. He explored her place a little more, still seeing her in it in various ways.

He couldn't help but feel his heart skip a few beats the next time he saw her. There was always something about this girl when she was fresh-faced, free of make-up, her hair in a messy ponytail that stirred something inside of him. No one else had that effect on him. And while she could stop a man in his tracks in anything she wore from being dressed to the nines to in a simple sundress, from being in a business suit to a little black dress, and anything in between it was seeing her like this when he'd always found her most attractive.

Angel saw her eyes sweep him over as he stood there now with his shirt, shoes and belt off as he was preparing to lay down for the night as well.

Buffy cleared her throat, brushing loose strands of hair out of her face and pointed down the hall. "Well, that's me in case you need anything."

"I think I'm good for right now, but thank you," he told her. He smiled a little thinking how cute she looked right now, standing there in a white tank top with a Hello Kitty cat face on it and pink and gray plaid pajama pants on.

"Okay. Well, um, seeing as it now pretty much the middle of the night I guess we should try and get some sleep in."

Angel nodded. He was feeling rather drained after everything.

Buffy started to head down the hall but then stopped and turned. "Thank you for this, Angel. I know this is ridiculous but it feels nice to have you here. I'm going to miss her."

"I know. We all are."

Buffy sighed. "Goodnight, Angel."

"Goodnight, Buffy."

OoOoO

Buffy left her bedroom door cracked and crawled into bed. She felt as though she could just pass out right then and there but her brain didn't seem to want to shut off and let that happen. She sighed, turning onto her back and staring at the ceiling. Her thoughts ran from one thing to another. She thought about Fred, about her favorite memories of her friend, of how much she would be missed, of how much she hated that she hadn't been able to get in touch with her yesterday. Buffy thought about what the next several days would hold. There would be things at work that would need taken care of, things for the funeral arrangements and laying Fred to rest. Buffy thought of Wesley, her family, of what she could possibly do for any of them. She thought about calling her mother but told herself it could wait until morning, missing Joyce greatly right now. Buffy thought about earlier, about her date with Angel, how she wished she could gossip about it to Fred, how the evening had made her feel, what might be in store after this.

Turning back to her side, Buffy looked down the hall. She smiled a little noticing Angel had left the door to the guest room cracked as well. It was something they used to do any moons ago, an invitation in case the other needed them.

Buffy thought about going down the hall and crawling into bed with him several times but never followed through. Eventually she fell asleep.

OoOoO

Buffy groaned as she heard the familiar ringtone to her cell phone going off. She squeezed her eyes tightly and tried to ignore it, but it was no use. Sitting up, she yawned, grumbled and cursed as it went on and she tried untangling herself from the blankets and sheets. She also had no idea as to where she'd even put her phone last night so tried to follow the sound until it stopped.

Finally getting her hands on it, she yawned a few more times and made her way back to her bed, taking a seat on one edge.

A few moments later, last night came back to her, knocking the breath right out of her all over again.

"Hey," she heard from the doorway.

Looking up, Buffy found Angel standing in the frame, leaning against the white door. He looked like he could steal the wind for her whole body too... all puffy-faced from sleep, stubble on his face, his voice husky, his hair a mess. "Hi," she squeaked out.

He cleared his throat and scratched at his throat. "That was probably Lorne," he told her, nodding at the black phone in her hands. "They are doing breakfast over at Fred's parent's house."

Buffy nodded. Her phone buzzed and it popped up about having a missed call and new voicemail. "Oh, okay."

"How'd you sleep?"

Another yawn. "I guess alright. Took awhile to actually get there but then all was just black. Feel like I could lay right back down, too."

He smirked. "I'm right there with ya," he told her. "I'm half tempted to buy that bed off of you in there. Don't think I've ever slept that peaceful."

Out of habit she supposed, Buffy's brain went to a quip about how his had to have had a lot of use put into it... but thankfully she kept those words in her head alone. Though, she could have lived without them there too.

Buffy was about to stand up when her phone went off again. She went to go answer it but instead found herself looking at the alarm screen up instead. 'Call Fred.' Buffy closed her eyes, swiping the alarm away and setting the phone off to the side. "I forgot all about having that set up."

"Hmm?"

She showed him, then reminded him how yesterday she and Fred kept missing each other. 

Angel came and took a seat beside her, resting against her for a moment. "You going to be okay?"

Buffy nodded, rubbing her face. "Yeah. I mean, it hurts, this sucks, it'll take time... but... one day after another I guess."

Angel rubbed her hand with his. "You feel up to the breakfast?"

She nodded again.

"Alright, well, I think I'm going to swing by my place to clean up and change, check in with Faith as I know she's probably wondering what's going on. I can come back by and get you or do you want to just go by yourself?"

She thought for a moment then told him she'd just see him there. She was going to call Lorne back then go get her morning started as well.

"Alright. We'll I'll see you in a bit then."

Buffy watched him stand up and start for the door. She stood up before he reached it, going after him and wrapping her arms around him, putting her face in his back. "Thank you," she told him.

His arms covered hers. "Anytime, Buf."

OoOoO

The funeral for Winifred (Burkle) Wyndam-Pryce echoed her and Wesley's wedding in multiple ways. The funeral was held at the same location, many of the guests were recognized from the happier of the two ceremonies, and the room was again wall to wall jam-packed with people in the seats, standing wherever they could find a place and even spilling out into the hallway. The room was decorated beautifully with flowers, a large portrait of Fred by the large casket holding her body, candles were lit seemingly everywhere.

The funeral was very touching and very beautiful. And while many of the guests got up to sing their goodbyes and vocal tributes, others got up just to talk, just to celebrate this woman who had touched so many lives it still felt like it was over too soon.

The room seemed to glow, filled with Fred's presence the entire time. Upon Fred's request, those in attendence went against the dreary attire usually found with these events, instead everyone wearing bright colors and everyone smiling when possible. However, it seemed no one could hold the tears back when the rememberance video the family had put together played. It drove it home to everyone that this was really it, this was going to be the final goodbye.

After it played, Buffy found the same words repeating in her head. That this was going to be the very last time she would see her friend. Her throat would clog up at the thought, of how when they walked up there to say goodbye it would really be just that. That once they left here they would go out to the cemetery, the casket would be closed, and then it would be lowered to the ground. And that would be it.

It couldn't be real... It just couldn't.

Buffy hadn't really had much experience with these things. She'd really never lost anyone close to her besides her last living grandparent when she was about four and a half. Then there was the small service they had for her and Angel's lost child. She felt alone, scared, sad, out of place. She wanted to run out of her screaming for things to go back to what they were.

But she knew it wasn't that easy.

When the time did come, she did her best to hold it together. Walking up to where Fred laid peacefully, silent tears slipped down her face. Buffy smiled though, looking down. Fred look beautiful, pain free. She took in a deep breath, putting a hand to her friend's hair. "I'm going to miss you, Winifred Burkle," she whispered. "Sleep well, my friend."

Buffy looked Fred's body over once more. She truly looked to just be sleeping, much different than her grandfather at his funeral. She remembered being terrified of him.

The casket was beautiful, dark brown that matched Fred's hair. The outside shell was shiny and smooth, the inside a lovely yellowish tan shade, silk and satin. There was an old stuffed bunny laying beside Fred her parents had put in there, a single rose laid in her hands, a letter from Wesley, among a few other things.

Stepping away, she gave one last look before making her way to Wesley, Trish and Roger.

OoOoO

Wesley had told them how Fred had left them with a few instructions but also wrote many of them letters soon before her passing. Some got theirs that following morning at the breakfast, others during the next few days and some were to be given after the service.

Angel had gotten his at the breakfast with the family.

His letter was eight pages back to back. Fred spoke of their years of knowing one another, what she loved about him and their friendship, going over her favorite memories of him or of them together. Most made him smile, then one or two made him blush. Fred had thanked him for various things that he had done for her, told him how she would miss him. Fred touched on Buffy, about how she had played somewhat of a part in it, how she hoped they would work things out, how he had better not hurt her this time. And she left him with a last request as well.

Angel had fullfilled it, getting the items here this morning and them being added into the casket with her. He spotted them now, which made his chest feel as if it had a piano sitting on it.

Angel swallowed. His contribution were three photo albums... one of Fred's family, one of her friends and one of just her and Wesley. Those were old photos that he'd had and some he'd gotten from others and made for her. Then there was also several loose photos he had taken just in the past few days that she'd asked for. He took new photos of her husband, her parents, he took a few pictures of her and Wesley's dog and their fish, of their home, he tracked down her favorite teacher, and then there were a few of her closest friends.

She hadn't asked, but he'd also added one more item. It was a small framed photo from the wedding that had her and Wes then both of their parents beside them. Behind it, he slipped a note back to her. It'd taken him forever to get the words down but he felt better once he had.

OoOoO

"Hey," Angel heard his sister say, hours later. He looked up to see her come deeper into the room then take a seat beside him.

"Hey," he said back. He hadn't seen Faith since this morning. He'd gone to the funeral while Faith was one of the few who went into work today. "How'd your day go?"

Faith shrugged, slipping her shoes off. "Fine. Not much happened to be honest. How'd the funeral go? How's Wes?"

Angel sighed. "It was... horrible... and beautiful," he told her, then almost chuckled. "It was a nice service," he told her, feeling like that was too automatic of a response though. But then again, what else could you say? "Wes handled it as well as to be expect, it's been hitting him hard."

"It'll take time," Faith offered.

Angel nodded, his thoughts still on his friend.

"I'm surprised you're even here," Faith said after a moment. "I figured you'd be at Buffy's again."

Angel sighed, leaning forward to grab his nearly empty glass from the table in front of them. "She needed to be alone," Angel told her. "Wes gave her the letter Fred left for her after the service so I figured she'd want to have some privacy and time to herself to deal with it. I sent her a text awhile ago, she responded but didn't really say anything."

Faith patted his hand. It'd been a hard time for everyone.

OoOoO

Buffy was still in the dress she wore to the service, sitting in the otherwise empty bathtub, enjoying the cool feeling of it. She'd nearly gotten sick, nearly been in a panic, so came in here to try and calm herself down. It'd taken a bit of work but at least she was mostly there by now. In one hand she grasped a wad of tissue, the other had a death grip still on the fifteen page note from her departed friend. It'd left her with a whirlwind of emotions as she read it, and even more once she'd finished. It made her want to scream until her voice gave, to yell at the universe that this wasn't fair. Her heart hurt on so many levels due to the past few days, she didn't even know what to do anymore.

And not only was there everything with Fred, but once more the petite brunette had left her with the uneasiness of what if possibilities when it came to the Angel situation. The letter only touched on such things briefly, but the words were beautifully haunted all over again.

OoOoO

Angel was about to go fix something small to eat then at least try to go lay down when he heard the doorbell. It was rather late at night so he let out a groan. This usually meant an unwanted visitor at the door for him. That was the last thing in the world he wanted lately, let alone after this day. Angel thought about just ignoring it but decided to head that way, finding himself pleasantly surprised to find Buffy standing there instead of some former one night stand.

He was about to say something when the small blonde moved closer to him, her eyes closing and her lips met his. Angel watched her, his own eyes shutting slowly at the last moment before the contact. He couldn't help the large wave of warmth that spread all throughout. The kiss ended shortly after and she pulled away, saying nothing she began to turn and head back down the stairway that led from his door back down to the sidewalk.

Confused, he started after her, only noticing that it was sprinkling when the tiny droplets fell on him. "Hey," he said softly, catching up to her.

Looking at the keys now in her hand then up at him, Buffy asked him "What?"

His head tilted. "What was that for? Not that I'm complaining but it's a bit unexpected for you to drive all the way out here for that." 'To say the least' he added silently.

Buffy sighed. "I just... I don't know," she said. "It's been a rough day, rough couple of days... I wanted to thank you for everything you've done... and had a lot on my mind... and I just sort of wound up out here before I knew what I was doing I guess."

"You alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Just... a lot on my mind," she said again. "But... I just wanted to see you..."

Angel looked back at his front door. "Do you want to come inside?"

Buffy made a face, then tried to hide it. "No, I don't think so," she said softly. From the look she gave he had an idea as to why not. He'd been there since moving back and it had seen it's fair share of... activities. And she was well aware of that.

Angel felt dirty all of a sudden because of that. He always did these days when he thought of his past. 

With a sigh, he headed down the steps to catch up with her. He put his arms around her and let his forehead fall down to meet hers. "Stupid idea," he whispered. "Sorry."

Buffy only shrugged.

"Did you need anything else?" he asked after a moment.

Her head shook.

"Do you want me to come stay with you tonight again?"

She was silent and still, then, "You really don't have to. I just wanted to come by... and it was stupid."

Angel pulled back a bit to look at her. He rubbed his thumb gently down her face. He could tell she'd been crying and upset recently. "It'd only take me a minute to grab a few things. You know I don't mind."

She shrugged again and he decided that was as good as he was going to get right now so he'd take it. Leaving her a few moments later, he went back inside to yell at Faith his change of plans and to grab a few things he needed overnight then came back outside and joined her in her car.

OoOoO

Along the drive onto when they were both about to go on to bed, the two of them talked about their late friend for the most part. They laughed, cried, went through a wide range of emotions. They discussed memories, the funeral, their letters from Fred, and everything else in between. It both hurt and made everything seem a little better at the same time.

Angel got the guest room he'd become accustom with set up with a few of his things, slipped his shoes off, and used the rest room after he and Buffy has said their goodnights to one another. He left the door mostly opened as he had been and checked to make sure she was already in bed before turning out the hall light and making his way to the bed.

His body felt heavy and wanting to drag him under to sleep but his head wasn't working with him as well at first. When it finally slowed down some, he turned on his back and stared at the ceiling until his eyes refused to stay open any longer. And he felt himself slipping off into dreamland just as something new happened.

Angel felt the blankets being pulled on one side then the warm body joining him. He was afraid to open his eyes at first but when he did he felt his heart race a little at the sight of Buffy next to him. She said nothing, just curled up beside him and used him as body pillow. She seemed to fall asleep quickly there but he took a little longer. He watched her sleeping, feeling a warmth pulsating through him over everything. He'd missed this, more than he'd even realized until this moment. She felt perfect in his arms, like she belonged there. It was damn near unsettling how 'right' it felt.

Angel watched her, whispered that he loved her and tried to get his mind to shut back off so he could get some sleep. Thankfully it didn't take too awfully long before his head and body went dark and numb and he got lost in a dream.


	10. Chapter Ten

It was a few weeks before life more or less returned to normal for everyone. Fred and Wesley's parents both went back to their own homes, Wes started picking his life back up little by little, work settled back in at Forever Yours. Faith's redesigns had come a long way, they'd had a couple of weddings that went off without a hitch, and several more in the works. But even so, everyone seemed to still be adjusting at times.

The first weekend that came around where the two of them were both off, Angel asked her to go out with him again. They'd been around each other the majority of the time, at work to going out to meals together to Angel staying at her place several times, but they hadn't had an official date together since the first. For whatever reason, it made her nervous all over again, too.

Angel had warned her it'd be another cliched date but with his own little twist but she had no idea what that meant, but she soon found herself in his car, ready to go on whatever little adventure he had in store for them this time.

OoOoO

First, there was the car ride itself. Buffy found herself truly having fun, laughing and enjoying herself for the first time since learning about Fred. Angel was being a complete goofball on the trip, singing and dancing as he drove, doing anything to get her to smile.

Next, there was shopping. Angel picked up a bottle of wine while he had her go swim suit shopping. She raised an eyebrow at him, but he only shooed her away. She was also instructed to put it on under her sundress after it and a necklace he also grabbed were paid for.

After that, they drove a bit more until hitting their beach destination. And that was when all the real fun began.

Angel had brought along all the makings for a lovely little picnic and they sat near the water as they ate and joked around with one another. There was a dog that belonged to an older couple who kept wanting to do tricks for them, playing with his frisbee, and getting some grub in the process.

They also went frolicking in the water after the meal. That started off with Angel carrying her over and tossing her in but that was only the beginning of their water war with one another. There was wrestling, tossing, splashing and everything else in between that came about in the next couple of hours. But there were also the tender moments mixed in with the playful ones. Angel would just pull her down onto his lap and they would just sit in the shallow water, watching it crash against them, or their attempt at dancing in the cool water or just a few stolen kisses.

All in all, Buffy felt like this was just what she had needed.

But even after all of this, Angel said there would be more.

He put the majority of their things back in the car, then led her down to another part of the beach where they'd set up for an outdoor movie to play. You could watch from the water nearby, tables that were set up, or take a spot on the sand.

The two of them laid their blanket and towels down once finding a spot, Angel poured the last of the wine into their glasses, then curled up with her.

By the time the film ended, Buffy was nearly asleep. It just felt too relaxing out there. Angel nudged her, saying the movie had ended but then they remained just as they were a few extra minutes while the others scattered away. He even offered to carry her back to the car but she laughed that idea off, finally getting herself to wake up enough to open her eyes and start helping to pick up their things.

Buffy enjoyed the quieter ride back home. Angel held her hand, asking her if she had a good time, softly hummed along to the radio. She enjoyed the cool night air from the open window, the relaxed feeling that had overtaken her.

OoOoO

The following night they surprised Wesley with a backyard camp-out. They'd thought about throwing it on the grounds at Forever Yours but decided that might be too fresh and painful for him, so instead they'd gotten Lorne and a few others on board to have it at their beloved boss' house.

"You know, I am starting to miss the many, many, countless times the two of you were fighting and bursting in here at one another's throats instead of asking me to sleep outside on the ground," had been Lorne's first reaction but he came around.

The thing was that Wes and Fred had taken a trip every year to go off on a trip around this time-health and finances permitting-to go camping together in one of their favorite spots in the mountains of Montana. They knew they couldn't quite pull that off and Wesley was more than likely not going to be up to it so they threw together a small idea for setting up in Lorne's backyard.

They set up tents, a fire pit, grilled up some food and had an endless supply of cold drinks to go around. Only a handful of friends came out, making it a small and intimate but largely fun-filled evening. Wes was thankful for the tribute and thought behind it all so that alone had made everything more than worth it to them.

OoOoO

Angel yawned, getting back into the tent he and Buffy were sharing. He knew work was going to kick his ass in the morning but it was worth it. He was still ready to call it a night at this point though. Everyone else had similar ideas, the evening dying down.

He smiled at Buffy, already curled up in the sleeping bag. This had been her idea to start with, not surprisingly, but he'd gotten to be a huge part of getting everything put together so he felt pretty amazed by that. And with her all over again, knowing she did these very things over and over all the time and whenever possible. It felt nice to be a bigger part of the process for once, other than his usual call ins for work.

Buffy patted the spot next to her a minute later, making the rest of the world fade back out. He slipped his shirt off, turned out their hanging light and made his way to her.

Buffy curled up against him, much like she did nights they spent together. Her fingers made doodles and circles on his chest until they both fell asleep.

OoOoO

It was a few weeks and several more dates in when Angel pulled another surprise out of his bag of tricks. This time asking Buffy to make their first official public appearance together. Buffy had taken a step back at first but eventually found herself agreeing. Which often seemed to be the case when it came to things with this particular man.

And the more time that went on, the more trouble she knew she was heading in to.

OoOoO

As he panned around the large room, Angel felt nerves and doubt strike him real fast. There were already a handful of womenfolk he could spot which made his stomach turn at the idea of any time spent with them and what disaster they could cause for him tonight in regards to Buffy. Not to mention the short interview he'd given gushing over his date and who all that could reach.

He wanted to shout from the rooftops his adoration for the woman who had stolen his heart so many years ago, but at the same time he had concerns over that very notion given his less than stellar past.

But he was determined to enjoy this evening, his date, and all the future held.

OoOoO

Buffy found herself walking in and out of the gallery in very different state of minds.

When Angel had asked her to come to the charity event she'd been worried, and that had only increased upon arrival at the gallery. Some of the looks she and Angel had gotten were enough to make her want to go find a corner somewhere and hide. She felt herself becoming more and more insecure, questioning herself and him. Angel had done a wonderful job of trying to put her at ease, but it wasn't enough.

When he was pulled away to do his small bit up on the stage, Buffy found herself sitting alone at the small table, not missing a few more of those nasty looks shot her way. Taking a large drink and letting out a huge sigh, she closed her eyes and thought for a moment.

Buffy knew she hated feeling like this. She'd spent too much of her life feeling just as she did right now when she was younger, and she had built herself up out of it and had no intention of going back. She knew that the easiest cure for it was to cut the ties causing them, to end her and Angel's rekindled relationship and walk away. But the idea of doing just that made her heart ache more than she'd thought it would. Her eyes opened and she looked to where he stood, smiling and working the crowd up on the large stage. She knew she wasn't ready to give him up, despite any rational part of her screaming at her.

So, since tossing in the towel on the relationship wasn't currently going to work for her, Buffy took another deep breath. Her mind told her that she was well aware of their past, of his own past, and none of these things were a surprise. There were going to be times where she would be faced with his past or have feelings like this come up. But again, she was refusing to give in to them or let them tear her down as she'd done for so long before. So that left only accepting it, the best that she could, and moving on. She either had to be in this relationship and give it a fair chance, or to break free.

Buffy knew that she wasn't okay with how everything went with them before, never would be, at least not entirely. She knew some things would always upset her, anger her, hurt her. There would be times she would question him, question everything. She would get caught up in the bad things sometimes. All of this was bound to happen, but it wasn't going to control her.

Taking another long drink, Buffy made up her mind that she had to be fully in this with him if there was any shot at all. She couldn't live in the past, couldn't hold everything from back then against him, get jealous of every female on the planet, always be expecting the other shoe to drop. That was no way to live. And she wasn't going to do it any longer.

Her breathing hitched a little, fear shaking her to the core. But it was the only way. She either had to be all in this, or run like hell. Maybe it was going to be a horrible mistake in the end, maybe the past would repeat itself, but Buffy told herself she was just going to have to take that leap of faith. There was still a lot of trust that had to be built back up, but she was going to give that at least the shot to happen.

OoOoO

"You sure everything's alright?" Angel asked as they walked back into her townhome.

Buffy nodded.

He looked her over, knowing something happened, though no idea as to what. But something about her seemed different.

He just hoped it wasn't something bad.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

Buffy smiled then. "I did, thank you for inviting me. I don't remember the last time I had even been out that way."

He returned her smile. "Well, I'm glad," he told her. "I'm going to go put this up," he told her, lifting the box of goodies they had come home with. "Want anything?"

Buffy asked for a small slice of the cheesecake and said she was going to go take a bath before bed.

He smiled at her once more, telling her to go on upstairs, that he'd bring the plate up to her if she wanted.

A few minutes later, he knocked on her bathroom door and waited for the okay before slowly opening the door and going to stick his arm in just enough to place the plate on the counter, but Buffy asked him in instead.

Swallowing, he slowly let the rest of him slide inside the steamy bathroom. His eyes quickly filled with the sight of the beautiful blonde, naked, and wet. Her hair was done up in a messy bun, her body mostly hidden under the bubbles and water. Staring for a few seconds too long, he finally forced a cough out of himself and looked away.

"You can set that here," Buffy said and his eyes drifted up to see her hand pointing at a small little wicker stand.

Angel coughed again, making quick work of walking over there and putting the plate down. "I stole a bite," he told her after a few seconds passed.

She laughed. "How was it?"

His eyes fluttered back to her when he heard movement, and then his brain cursed at him again. "Perfect," he breathed out, taking her in again. Angel forced himself to look away, his eyes going for the tiled bathroom floor instead. "Well," he started, then forced another cough out, "Enjoy," he told her. "I'm gon-gonna go get ready for bed."

"Angel," Buffy said softly, getting his attention back on her very naked self. "Thank you for tonight."

Angel gave her a little smile. "Any time," he replied, happy his own self with how well the evening had gone. There'd been a number of moments he felt worry take hold of him and knew something was bothering her, but somewhere along the way it was like all the pieces fell into place and they'd had a wonderful time out together. "I'll see you in a few," he told her with another smile and then got out of there before he lost whatever control he had left.

Heading to the bedroom, he started taking his clothes off but every time he glanced at the bed he felt the growing pulsating in his pants. He knew they weren't ready for that step, but there was no denying his want for her either. With a groan, Angel grabbed up his sleep pants and decided to go take a cold shower.


	11. Chapter Eleven

After the night of the charity event, Buffy and Angel had moved from the spare bedroom that Angel had taken over into her bedroom. A number of his things had migrated from his place to hers so she'd cleared out space in the room for him as well, though some items remained in the spare for him.

Work had continued on... They'd gotten a little extra publicity, as per usual, after the charity auction so things had been a little busy at times. They'd had one new wedding, dealt with their clients in progress, and gained several more. They'd also made some new business deals with the company as a whole and everyone was pretty excited about that.

Buffy and Angel were doing well. They'd had a few more dates but mostly they stuck to lunches again or to doing something low-key at home with how busy things had been for the past few weeks. Not that either of them minded. Since the big event, the two of them had evolved as a couple some. Things were much less tense as Buffy had stuck to her decision to give this a real shot and stay in a better mind frame about it all. Angel started to feel less pressure on himself because of that as well. It also didn't hurt that the physical side of their relationship had grown as well. Most of it were baby steps, being more public with one another, small touches here and there, looks they shared or a new brand of kissing that had become part of their normal. But there had also been a couple of heavier make-out sessions that had come to be as well.

There had been a tiny bump in the road when it came to Buffy's parents as they had gotten wind of their rekindled romance. He knew they weren't going to approve, not now, maybe not ever, so he worried about what that would mean for them. But Buffy had kind of surprised him by defending him like she did. Defending them. He knew it was causing a rift between her and her parents but for the time being he did his best to stay out of it. He was there if she needed to talk and gave what little advise he could come up with to help but he was otherwise lost on that end of things. He knew Joyce and Buffy were just about as close as they'd always been and he also knew that while Joyce and Hank had always loved him while they were growing up that started changing the second he got with Buffy all those years ago. The way things had gone back then had not made them any bigger fans of his.

OoOoO

Angel held Buffy tightly against him, closing his eyes and humming the melody of the song playing throughout the room in her ear. He could feel her smile as she snuggled even closer to him. He glanced at the other couple in the room, some of their clients, then kissed her forehead. "Looks like they're getting the hang of it."

Buffy seemed to peek her own head out to look at them. The couple had been too shy about dance lessons, but adamant about wanting some, so Lorne had offered to teach them. Then there was their feelings of odd embarrassed feelings when it came to being alone for them, so it was the two of them to the rescue. "They look happy," she replied.

"And finally more relaxed," he added.

Buffy nodded, tucking her head back into him.

It wasn't long until his forehead creased up, feeling hot tears against his shirt. He stopped, pulling back to look at her, feeling utterly confused. "Buf?"

She shook her head, quickly trying to wipe at her face. "It's stupid. And nothing," she told him, again shaking her head.

Angel looked her over for a moment, then looked over at Lorne. "Hey, Lorne," he called out, "We'll be back in just a minute, okay?" he said and was soon walking out the door with her and finding a quiet area nearby. "You want to tell me what's on your mind or what's wrong?" he asked.

Buffy was silent for a moment then swallowed. "I'm in love with you."

Angel felt like all the air in the building was just sucked right out of it. "What?"

She shook her head, again wiping at her tears. "I'm in love with you. Not I loved you and part of me always will kind of love, but more like somewhere in the middle of all of this I fell in love with you all over again. And... it just sort of happened to hit me right now. That's all. Can we go back now before they started to think something's wrong?"

"That's... all?" he asked. 'Ha, ha... yeah... All...' he added silently, feeling his body starting to feel like Jello.

OoOoO

"Buffy told me she loved me."

Faith raised an eyebrow at her brother, putting a few more boxes to the side as she was still moving into the office they'd given her. "Well, color me shocked," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Did you tell her you love her, too?"

Angel grimaced a little. "No."

"What?"

"I obviously do," he said quickly, "Everybody knows that. I just... she caught me off guard. And now I've been freaking out all day over it."

Faith gave him a stern look next. "You didn't do something stupid did you?"

"No."

"You didn't think about doing something stupid did you?"

He sighed, leaning back in his chair. "No," he answered. "I'm not fucking things up like that again. I just... got overwhelmed. This was exactly what I wanted, but a very large part of me never saw it happening, and I don't know how..." he trailed off.

Faith walked over and took the seat next to him, patting his hand with her own. "You, against all odds, got a second chance here, Angel. And I am sure that while you wanted that very thing to happen, it is still frightening to get it. And I am sure right now you are worrying to your heart's content on whether or not you can be everything you want to be for her and with her, that you're terrified you can't give her what she wants, or that you will wind up hurting her again somehow. But right now is a very good time to be showing her, as well as your own self, differently."

"A big part of me knows that," he said with another sigh.

Faith gave him a hint of a smile.

"I don't want to screw this up."

OoOoO

Angel felt nervous as he walked up the stairs of his new-found home. He unlocked the front door and came inside to find Buffy in the kitchen.

"Hey there," she greeted with a smile.

"Hey."

"I stopped off and got us some pizzas," she told him, pointing a finger over to the kitchen table where there were a few boxes. "Hope you don't mind, I just didn't feel like making anything and pizza sounded good."

Angel walked deeper into the room and headed over to grab the boxes from the table and moved them over to the counter and began helping her set the table.

"I threw together a salad," she said sheepishly. "And that's about all."

He had to laugh at the look on her face. "Everything sounds good," he told her, stopping to kiss her temple before grabbing two glasses from the cabinets. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Surprise me."

"Alright," he said and began looking through the fridge for something then took it all over to the table.

OoOoO

For the first several minutes, the two mostly ate in silence with the news on in the background. When Angel felt like he'd finally worked up some courage, he ran both of his palms down the front of his jeans then swallowed. "Buf? About... uh... earlier..."

Buffy finished the sip of wine she had and waved a hand at him.

But he shook his head, "I messed up," he blurted. Buffy looked confused so he took another deep breath. "You told me you were in love with me again and I handled it very poorly."

"Angel, it's fine."

"No, it's not. Because you put yourself out there and I should have told you how that made me feel, and how I feel about you. I know I've said such before but that was kind of the moment to remind you of that. And I know that, I was just... caught off guard a bit. Because I do love you and I want to be with you. I want to make this work with us this time. And to see that happening... scared me a little," he admitted. "And more than that, left me utterly speechless with joy because it seemed like the impossible had happened and left me rather shell-shocked. So, I'm sorry. I was..."

Buffy smiled, leaning over to kiss him. "It caught me off guard as well. I hadn't exactly meant to blurt it out right then, just... everything hit me and was a lot to take in. As you pointed out."

He nodded. "I think I was also expecting it to run you off..."

"The thought had passed through my mind. There's the past, and the unknown future. And realizing someone else has a lot of power to hurt you is a lot to chance. But I knew that when getting in this and I already made my decisions there. It's a little different to actual live it when you realize how much someone means to you... but the fact remains." Buffy shrugged. "You make me unbelievably happy right now, Angel. And I love being with you. Maybe things will go to pieces, maybe they won't. But right now, this is where I want to be."

OoOoO

"Buf?" Angel whispered, his arms wrapping tighter around her tiny waist.

"Hmm?" she responded, her body cuddling back closer to his, her fingers pulling the covers up closer to her chin again.

"I do love you. With everything that I am."

"I love you, too, Angel."

He kissed her shoulder. He could feel his heart wanting to pull out of his chest. "You're everything that I want. You always have been. I was just stupid..." he added softly.

Buffy turned then, rolling to face him. She gave a sad looking smile his way. "I think it's been the same for me," she told him. "No matter what had happened, I still had a place in my heart for you. No matter how hard I tried not to, it seemed I would compare everyone I dated to you. And at the end of the day, it was always the same story."

"And what was that?"

Buffy sighed. "That as much as I wanted to tell myself what it was I wanted in someone... it was never right. Yes, I wanted someone who would be loyal, I could trust, who'd never hurt me and so on. But it was never enough. It was always I wanted all of that... But I wanted it to be with you."

Angel looked away, guilt hitting him for the past.

"But we both know that's just not possible. What happened did happen. So maybe this was what I was always waiting for. Maybe we didn't get things right in the first place, but maybe the second chance with the one person everything always came back to. It would have been so much easier if we hadn't had to go through everything we did back then, but maybe it works out in the end despite that. Maybe it just wasn't our time back then, for one reason or another. Who knows. But maybe this time it is right for us. Maybe I can't have the fact of never being lied to or cheated on-ever-but maybe I can have a new chance at all of that now. And maybe, hopefully, that's good enough."

Angel let his fingertips find their way to her stomach, drawing little designs against her skin with them. "Is that really good enough?"

She thought for a moment. "I hope so," she told him. "Right now it is."

"I am sorry for the past, Buffy. I always will be. There's no excuse for anything I did and I know that. But I'm willing to do anything to make this work this time. I want you to be happy, with me."

Buffy smiled, reaching a hand up to cup his cheek. "I am. This feels like it used to be, like it should have been," she told him, then shook her head. "No, that's not true. It has some elements of that, but this feels different, better. Maybe it's being older and wiser," she said then laughed.

He smirked with her, leaning down to kiss her.

OoOoO

Angel had been letting Buffy be in the lead when it came to the physical side of things but somewhere in the middle of their kissing he took over that role. Before he even knew what he was doing, he was on top of her, his tongue demanding entrance into her tempting mouth.

Buffy moaned, her legs wrapping around him, her hands slipping underneath the front of his shirt between their bodies to touch him.

Angel's own hands roamed her body... touching her pajama-clad knees, sliding up her leg, down each of her thighs, up the front of her shirt. Buffy arched into him as he reached her breasts, begging to be touched. He complied, using one arm to hold him up while he teased her.

"I want to touch you," he whispered.

A wave of different emotions flew through Buffy's eyes but eventually she swallowed and gave a nod. He had an idea of what some of those emotions and thoughts were. The good with their relationship, what he was doing to her, what he wanted to do... as well as the bad when it came to probably thinking of the past despite herself, or him with the many someone else's... but he wasn't going to let those type of thoughts remain there for long. He didn't want anyone else on her mind than him.

Angel helped her out of the tank top she had on, throwing it off to the side of the bed. Angel slide himself low enough to be eye level with the top of her pj pants and gave her a hungry look, making her blush. She sucked in a breath as his lips returned to her, now gently touching just under where belly button. He left a few slow kisses along her stomach then trailed back down in a straight line with his tongue, dipping into her belly button when he re-found it. She squirmed under him, only egging him on.

His hands ran up her stomach, his body slowly inching back up. Cupping her breasts when he reached them once more, they both let out a low groan. Her body had filled out in some amazing ways since the last time they were in this type of situation with one another and he had zero complaints about anything he was seeing. Or touching.

Angel let his hands play and tease her before his head dipped down. She let out a small yelp at the sudden movement but moaned again when his mouth touched her bare skin. Buffy's hands tangled up in his hair, pulling him closer to her as he kissed, nibbled, licked and sucked at her.

"A-Angel," Buffy groaned, her body twitching under him.

Flipping them over, Buffy let out another yelp and playfully swat a hand at him. He pulled her to him, placing her breast back to his mouth. Her hands flew to the headboard, gripping tightly. One of Angel's hands began snaking to the top of her pants, then sliding inside. Buffy jumped a little as he brushed across her pink pearl, then nearly melted into him as two fingers easily slide into her wet heat.

"Mmmm, yes," Buffy moaned, already bouncing herself against his fingers.

It wasn't long until he was flipping them around on the bed again. This time, no yelping, just an annoyed sigh of a woman near the edge. He smiled at her frustrated face, now seated back between her legs. Angel's hands started working her pants down from her body, along with her panties.

"You are too fucking beautiful," he told her once she laid entirely naked before him.

"You've seen better," she said before she could stop herself.

Angel growled. "No," he said sternly, "I haven't."

Before she could reply, he was kissing her roughly. "Stop," he whispered in her ear before biting into her neck and began to making his way back down her lean body.

Angel's hands ran back down her thighs, spreading them for him. She was red, puffy and wet for him and he was pretty sure his manhood was going to pop out of his own pants at any given time.

OoOoO

Buffy had removed Angel's shirt by nearly ripping it off of him as he feasted on her, needing to touching all of him she could. Her fingernails clawed and scratch at his back, neck and shoulders as he ate her. Her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, her body arching off of the bed when his tongue would flick her just right.

She'd already came more than once for him, and her body wasn't sure how much more either of them could take. She could feel Angel trembling against her at times, feel the tension in his body. And she was a complete wreck her own self, ready to just melt into a big puddle and stay like that forever.

OoOoO

Buffy was sent over the edge one last final time and felt her whole body shaking, having next to no control over any part of it. Angel lapped her juices up until she was semi-calm before finally lifting himself away from her silk. Even the slightest touch from him or brush of air from the fan sent her legs trembling.

"Holy shit," she panted out. She remembered he'd always been very talented when it came to the bedroom but it'd been quite some time since living it.

"I love you," Angel told her, his body against hers, one hand cupping the back of her head and pushing his forehead up against hers.

She kissed him then broke away needing air. "I-I love you to-too," she panted back. "I thin-think you might ha-have broken me," she told him with a laugh.

Angel snorted out a laugh. "Nah, looks fine to me. Though... if you'd like me to check..."

She laughed again, shaking her head. "I think this bo-body of mine needs a bit of a rest after a-all that."

He kissed her quickly. "Good, because I think I'm about ready to explode here," he told her and started lifting back away.

"Sorry..."

Angel shook his head, touching her knee with his fingertips. "Don't do that," he told her, almost pleading.

"It just doesn't seem... uh... fair?"

"I believe we had this conversation many times many years ago. Same debate on my end there, Buffy. I'm not complaining. There's nothing wrong with pleasuring you. It's not about fairness or something being owed. You should know that."

"I do, it's just... I don't know."

"If it was too much for me to handle, I'd let you know. And while we may have been very close to that point," he said with another little laugh, "We're good," he told her and came back around the bed to kiss her again. "Though I do think I need a cold shower now. Or two."

"I love you," Buffy said after a moment.

"Love you, too. I'll be back in a just a bit."

Buffy watched him head out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. For some reason it made her blush like a school girl again but she didn't mind the feeling in her chest by it all. Her body still felt like Jell-O she she laid there letting the waves and shakes pass for about twenty more minutes before finally attempting to move. She freshened up, got re-dressed and was bringing up a glass of water and a paper plate with two slices of pizza from downstairs up to her room when Angel stepped out of the bathroom he'd been using.

She was blushing even harder after the were back face-to-face with one another but did her best to hide it. The two ate their slices of pizza and finished their water before climbing back into the bed. Buffy had already switched the sheets off as well and went ahead and grabbed a new set of covers for them as well.

Angel was still slightly damp, but the cool feeling from him felt nice against her still-warm body.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Faith raised an eyebrow as she walked into Angel's office. "Everything alright, big bro?" she asked, taking in his appearance.

He grumbled, tossing his back to the ground and messing with a stack of papers on his desk. "Buffy and I got into a fight this morning," he finally said. He grumbled a bit more then plopped into his chair.

"Wanna talk about it?" Faith offered, stepping deeper into the room and putting the magazines she'd brought in with her down on the corner of his large desk.

He looked her up and down then shook his head. "Not particularly."

"Why not? I'm a good listener," she told him then stuck her tongue out when he raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm sure it's no big deal anyway. You two have been all over each other the past couple of weeks."

"We have not."

She huffed out a laugh. "You've been acting like she's a dog in heat. I thought we were going to have to start hosing you two just yesterday."

He let out a laugh at that. "Okay, so maybe we've been a little carried away with one another..."

"Uh huh."

"Still," he said. "Not exactly something I want to get into with you... given the subject matter... and that you are my sister."

"Oh, please," Faith said, waving a hand in the air. "We're both adults here."

"You're my sister."

"So? Spill."

Angel sighed. "Short version is I got jealous over something stupid and acted kind of like a jerk," he told her.

"I need more than that," Faith said with a smirk.

"Seriously? Fine. Buffy was taking a shower this morning, we were being flirty, she was suggesting I join her, I made a comment about how she never liked doing any such things in the shower before, she made a comment along the lines of she'd learned to, and... I got upset. About... her being with someone else..." he said sheepishly.

Faith had to shake her head at him. "Really?"

"Yes. I know." Angel told her, holding his hands out in front of him. "I got jealous and pissed off when I am sort of the last person in the world who has the right to do that. But I did and I said a few ugly things and then left, came here, and realized how much of an idiot I am after I finally calmed down a bit."

Faith was still shaking her head. "You know the girl had a right to move on, Angel..."

"Yes," he cut her off. "I know. I know she's done nothing wrong. I know that I did. But I... I don't know. It got to me. And now I made a mess of things that I have to figure out how to clean up."

OoOoO

Angel could tell right away that Buffy had not had her calm down time when he went to finally go find her. She glared at him when he entered her office and tension filled the whole room up. "Hey," he greeted softly.

"Come to basically call me a whore some more?" she asked, her tone flat and angry.

"Buf..."

"Because the handful of guys I have dated and the even less than that that I have slept with compares so well to you having slept with the greater female population of the entire United States," she continued. "Because I waited until after we were actually broken up and there was time to mourn the relationship between us having ended and waiting until it seemed right to try to move on is so much worse than cheating on me when we were still together. Right?"

Angel winced, wishing he could just rewind the first half of this day and take everything back, handle it all much better than he had.

"But I don't even want to do this," she told him then sighed, rubbing her temples. "It's the same old argument, Angel. It's been said, lived, dealt with. I'm tired of going over it."

Angel sighed as well, stepping closer to her. When he reached her, he pulled her into his arms despite her lack of interest in such an action at the time. "I know," he said softly. "And I'm sorry for earlier. I wasn't trying to hurt you, it wasn't anything like that. I know that you had your own life to live, right to carry on with whoever you wanted, all of that. But that doesn't mean I like it, either." Angel felt her relax, just slightly. "An anger there is more at myself than anything else. Because it could have just been you and me, and I ruined that. So, yes, I get it. You were free to date whoever you wanted and try to move on and everything else. But the idea of you being with someone else is not a thought I let enter my mind very often because it cuts right through me. I don't like the idea of someone else with you, making you laugh, touching you, being able to call you theirs. And I just... I did not handle the situation well."

Buffy looked at the ground. "I know the feeling, Angel," she told him softly. "I kind of lived with that for a very long time."

Angel pulled her closer, closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. "I know, and I'm sorry. I can't change your past any more than I can change mine. Doesn't mean either of us have to like it, but maybe just try to accept it I guess. I know you've been doing your part on that but me? I've mostly just ignored the fact of anything like this and today kind of just ran into me like a mac truck. I'm sorry that I hurt you and for how I acted, Buf," he told her. "I just really can't stand the idea of you being with anyone but me, now more than ever. I don't want to lose you, lose this. I don't want anyone else ever having everything that I want again."

Buffy finally looked back up at her eyes met his. He gave her a little hint of a smile and she returned with one of her own. "I don't want anyone else, Angel," she told him softly. "Past is the past, for both of us."

OoOoO

While the whole thing had honestly pissed her off to no end, Buffy did find a little of his jealous rage enthralling. She hadn't even meant to strike the match earlier, they were just joking around and her mouth spoke before her mind could think 'Oh, that might not be a smart thing to say.' She apologized on her end of things as well and the rage that'd been brewing between both of them seemed to drift off after their little talk.

Buffy also hated how easy it still was to go right to the heart of things on her end when it came to him and apologized for that as well.

After things calmed down, that thrilling notion from him being jealous came back into the spotlight though. She felt the swirling and pulsating in between her legs take control of her, grabbing him and pulling him back to her and kissing him until they were both breathless.

Buffy found herself led backwards until she was stuck between Angel's hard body and a sliver of wall of her office. He hoisted her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist and began pulling at his clothes.

OoOoO

Shirtless, and with the front of his pants undone, plus Buffy's small hand in front stroking his angry looking penis, Angel forced his lips away from hers and panted heavily. His eyes fluttered at the sensation of her hand on him and he braced himself against the wall, nearly digging his fingernails into it. "Buffy," he strangled out.

"Hmm?"

"You know the whole I will tell you if these little make-out sessions are a little much for me to handle?"

She let out a far too seductive laugh next. "I remember."

His hips jerked when she squeezed him. "Well, I think... mmm... this might be one of those times," he told her. "Given... we're at the office and not really a way to.. uh... relieve myself... and emotions running rather high and all... kind of having a caveman type sensation wanting to take over here," he admitted.

"Caveman?"

He nodded. "Oh, you know,' throw you down, have my way with you, claim you as mine..."

Buffy chewed on her bottom lip then lifted her eyes. "I think maybe you should."

Angel felt his knees nearly go out on him, dipping before he got control, pushed them off from the wall and carried her over to the large couch in her office. He knew he should be asking her if she was sure and thinking this through perhaps but there was just none of that right now. Clothes went flying off, hands roaming all exposed flesh.

Then he had a thought and wanted to pass out over it. "Shit," he swore. "I... kind of don't have... anything..." he told her.

Buffy's head shook a little. "It's fine."

Again, he probably should have slowed down and went over this, but in his state of mind at the moment... that just wasn't going to be happening. If anything, the idea of being inside of her without a condom between them just turned him on more. Angel had been very regularly about getting himself checked out due to his history of sleeping around and knew he'd given her copies some time back just for that to be one less thing she'd be worrying about.

Angel used his long fingers on her first, though not for long as he was ready to pop as it were. His mouth teased hers, his tongue exploring her taste, as his hand glided his cock into her. Her fingernails dug into him as he inched deeper into her and they both shuddered when he was fully seated inside of her. "Fuck," he groaned, then as he began moving his hips he could no longer form any words, just grunts and groans.

OoOoO

Buffy had a passing thought that she was going to die, and that if this was how she was going to go... she really did not mind one bit. Her entire body felt like it was humming and throbbing as Angel worked his way in and out of her, now at a furious pace that she'd long since given up on trying to match. He held her in place and she just let it ride out. Her legs squeezed around him, her hands restlessly moving from his face to his neck, down his check to around his back.

When one hand slipped between him and his thumb brushed against her clit, she about jumped hard enough to send them both right off the couch. "Fucking hell," she moaned, her body arching forward and holding on to him for dear life as he toyed with her. It felt like mere seconds for the bright light to hit her and her whole body to start shaking as she came underneath him.

She bit back a scream, burying her face into his neck and shoulder, feeling the shock waves so strong she thought the building was about to crumble over.

Angel continued to rub her most sensitive spot as he took her. She started to come again and this time he couldn't help but join her. With one last hard thrust, he let go.

"Jesus fucking Christ," she heard him mutter and felt the ends of her mouth twisting up.

OoOoO

A knock on the door startled them both. Buffy's eyes glanced at the clock then went wide. "Holy shit," she said in a rush, starting to squirm under Angel-in a very different sense than before. "That would be Warren and Kennedy," she whispered to Angel.

"Shit," he agreed. He started rolling off of her, but did not feel up to this just yet. He glanced at Buffy and laughed as she could barely even stand. She shot him a look, only making him laugh harder.

"Shut up!" she said, throwing his shirt back to him. "Get dressed, would you?"

OoOoO

Angel excused himself to go use the bathroom, hoping he could clean himself up a bit before heading back. When he stepped out into the hall though, Faith was there, looking him over. Angel felt a blush rise up and take over his cheeks.

"Back to needing a hose, I see?" she whispered.

He ignored her, continuing on to the bathroom. He wasn't exactly shocked by his appearance in the mirror but blushed a little more anyway. There was no mistaking what had been going on in that room by just one glance at him, he knew that much.

Not that he cared. He was back on cloud nine. Buffy felt like home, in every way, just like he knew she would.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Lorne felt an eerie sense of deju vi from the brief phone call he'd just had with Buffy. She'd been acting a little 'off' the past week or so which had him wondering what was going on with her but she never seemed to want to talk about it. That feeling carried with him all the way across town as he headed over to her place. He held up his phone but saw no new messages so just shook his head, turned the car off and headed for her front door.

Using the spare key he'd had forever, he opened the door and began briefly looking around downstairs for any signs of life. Nothing seemed out of place nor did he see her anywhere so he continued on, reaching and following up the stairs. It didn't take long to find light spilling out from the crack of the bathroom door down the hall. Taking a few steps, he peered toward her bedroom from the distance and could slightly make out Angel's sleeping form before he took in a deep breath.

Lorne knocked softly on the bathroom door before slowly pushing it open enough to stick his head in.

Another breath got caught up in his throat at the sight he found.

OoOoO

Lorne could still remember years ago when he'd been just about to fall asleep when his phone rang. He'd thought about ignoring it but with the craziness that had been going on lately he'd thought better of it at the last minute. Buffy had tried to be calm and collected as she'd rushed her words out but he could tell there was something wrong. She wouldn't tell him over the phone so he'd thrown on a jacket and his shoes and made his way over to her parent's house.

The Summers' household was dark when he got there so he figured her parents weren't in on whatever was going on. He had used the hide-a-key to unlock the front door and sneak his way inside, quietly making his way through the house, up the stairs, and on his way to finding the little blonde.

The only lights in the house were upstairs, the hallway, she had a glow from her fish tank in her room, and the light coming from underneath the bathroom door. He followed the sounds of her muffled cries and soon found himself feeling nervous as he knocked on the door to the bathroom.

"Lorne?" he'd heard her croak out.

"It's me, sweetie," he'd told her softly. He reached down for the knob and found it unlocked so went ahead and gave it a turn.

Things had been rough with her for awhile now given everything happening with her and Angel so he was used to her falling apart, used to seeing her cry these days but as she sat in the middle of the empty bathtub it was unlike any of that. Her face was covered in tears, eyes and face red and raw looking, and just a look of sheer panic written all over her. In one hand, she was still clutching the cream-colored cordless phone and in the other held a small white stick.

Looking briefly around the room, he found dozens more similar to that one and a few open packages strung about.

And it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

Lorne could remember the panic and horror on her face, the utter heartbreak. He could remember the empathy and anger he felt his own self at the situation.

OoOoO

The sight before him rang very close to the one all those years ago.

Buffy once again sat in the bathroom, middle of an empty tub, dressed in her pajamas all the same. She looked a little spooked, looked like she'd been crying, though nothing close to what had been last time. In her hand she had a pregnancy test that she was spinning lightly with her fingers and there were two others sitting nearly on top of the commode seat.

The last time they were in this position she'd thrown into a rushed story and panic with her words. This time, she just looked down and asked him to go ahead and shut the door behind him as she hadn't said anything to Angel and didn't want them waking him up. Her voice calm, very unlike the hysteria from years before.

Lorne felt like he was just absolutely lost for words as he stepped deeper into the room, shutting the door quietly and crossing his arms over his chest. Buffy scooted around some in the tub and moved the tests off the toilet seat for him to sit down.

"I think something's wrong," she said after a brief moment.

Lorne looked at her.

"We both know what the doctor's said before," she continued, "after the miscarriage and everything. A positive pregnancy test can mean many things, a sign of something else," she told him then let out a breath. "I'm going to call my doctor in the morning, but I was just a little freaked out was all so I called you."

Lorne sighed as well. He remembered all those tests and discussions with doctors. And the same thought and feeling had overwhelmed him as soon as he saw her because of that. Because no telling what else this could mean, if not the obvious. "Wh-what if you are?" he asked. "Pregnant, I mean."

He saw a quick trail of a tear slip down her face and just as quickly wiped away. Buffy shook her head. "I can't even..." she trailed off. "I can't wrap my head around that," she told him quietly. "I kept having this crazy feeling lately, like I found myself thinking about that impossible what if all of a sudden, after all this time of accepting things as they were. Just all of a sudden drawn to the idea, looking at friends' photos on Facebook or old e-mails and stuff," Buffy told him. "But think about it all I want, that's not supposed to be in the cards for me. Which I kept reminding myself and reminding myself. But I couldn't seem to shake it. And when I was a few days late... on a whim I went and purchased these," she said, holding up the tests. "Which sure aren't helping," she said with an unamused laugh. "And the idea of all of it... Really? I'm with him, go through hell with him, go through a pregnancy and a miscarriage. I realize that was it for me on that side of things, that the chances of me having my own children are pretty much out the window and I move on with my life. In every way. All these years later I find myself back with him, giving this a chance against all reasoning and sense in the world. We've only been sleeping together for about a month. And now this? That's just... that's just too damn much. I can't think like that. I can't for my heart's sake nor with the reality of it all."

Lorne took in, then let out a very deep breath. "You haven't told him?"

She shook her blonde hair again. "Not about this or really any of it. Of course if things kept going the way they have been I would have brought things up, but it hadn't gotten to that point yet. And now all of this? No. Just... a lot of no."

"There could be a simple explanation."

"I know," she said, giving him a small smile. "It could be nothing or it could be... But I guess we just have to wait and see. But that didn't, doesn't, stop me from worrying at least somewhat in the meantime."

Lorne reached out, taking her hand. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Seemed ridiculous, I guess. And if I didn't say it out loud maybe it'd go away type of situation. I don't know."

"You know you can always tell me anything, honey pie," he told her gently. "And things are going to be okay, one way or another. We've gotten you through worse," he said and they both let out a chuckle.

OoOoO

"I think he'll run," she said after some time had passed.

"Angel?"

Buffy nodded. "Maybe it's just doubts talking, or the past, but part of me can see it all too easily. That something winds up wrong or hard and then he's just gone again."

"Maybe," he agreed. "But maybe not. Maybe, if there does wind up with something wrong, and this is a big if, he'll surprise us. Be a test of things, a way of him showing if he's really changed or not. Maybe he wouldn't take the easy way out. Don't count him out just yet."

"You always have wanted to see the best in him."

Lorne nodded. "And most of the time he has made that damn near impossible. But for whatever reason I have always waited around to see if he'd grow up and get his head on straight. And for some time I'd seen those signs of him wanting to, and finally taking the steps to do so. So I do believe he can pull through."

Buffy shrugged. "We'll see. I don't want to say anything to him until and only if I have to. If it's nothing than good on all sides. If not... then we can play how will Angel react then."

OoOoO

Lorne stayed through the night, most of it spent up talking with Buffy, but left her place before Angel was awake. He headed home to change, briefly let Andrew have an idea of what all was going on, then had a long talk with himself on the way to work. Buffy sent him a text message not too long after he'd left saying she had managed to get squeezed in with her doctor so she'd be running late this morning. She already wasn't scheduled to come in until later this morning so that was no big deal. It did make his mind go somewhere it probably shouldn't though and he held a debate with himself all the way to the office.

He still wasn't sure if he was going to do the right thing or wrong when Angel showed up, if he was going to keep his mouth shut or take a chance that wasn't exactly his and let him know what was going on. Even as he headed for his friends' door he still didn't know what he was planing to do.

OoOoO

Lorne sighed as he had Angel sit down. Angel tried making a joke, unsure of what all was going on, but soon all humor was fading.

Lorne brought up his and Buffy's past, asking him how much he'd known about what had happened when Buffy had lost their baby, and began to fill him in on everything he hadn't known. Lorne told Angel about what had happened that day and with follow ups she had with a handful of doctors back then. He told him about the other complications that had come from the miscarriage and how Buffy had been told it was very unlikely that she would ever be able to bear her own children.

Lorne had remembered watching this very young girl be not only faced with losing her unborn child but having to have that laid on her as well. It hadn't been the last time the news had haunted her either. She'd lost a relationship over it once she had told her partner and it had broken her. He'd seen her grow older and cry over how unfair it was now that she was of an age where she felt she wanted such someday. Yes, there were many other options for having a family or raising children but it was still something she'd struggled with.

He watched as the realization hit Angel now as well. He watched the guilt over what had happened between them so long ago cross his face, the knowledge of having lost his potentially only biological child with the woman he loved, thinking of how this must have been on her, and everything in between. Lorne let it ride out then answered the few questions the other man barely managed to squeeze out.

And then Lorne continued. He began to tell Angel about the events of the previous night.

"What?" Angel whispered.

"Buffy's worried something is wrong with her, that's she is getting a false positive as a sign of who-knows-what."

Angel let out a deep breath. "Why the hell wouldn't she tell me any of this?" he asked then shook his head. "Of course she wouldn't," he answered his own self. "What could be giving her a false reading? There's no way that it could be..." he trailed off.

Lorne answered him the best he could. That there were many things it could mean, and yes, there was a slim chance it could be that Buffy was pregnant but again reminded him of how that was all but impossible according to everything they'd been told. "She could... have just a hormonal imbalance or... she could be sick with something much worse. It's not really known right now. I know she's been worrying and thinking the worst as she often does but that's what she's trying to find out."

Lorne continued on, telling Angel now about her appointment she was having this morning.

He watched as Angel sat there, just letting everything sink in, before jumping up after a few minutes and saying he needed to go be with her.

OoOoO

Angel was a heap of nerves as he made his way through the busy streets. His brain was a scattered mess of one thought to the next. He replayed old memories, punishing himself with all the things he had done wrong all those years ago. He didn't care what anyone said or what proof to the contrary part of him would always blame himself when it came to Buffy losing their child before. He changed history in his mind, thinking up all the ways he could have saved them from all this mess and done right by her before it started going down that tattered road. Angel thought of how hard all of this had to have been on her... back then through present day, even if she had come to terms with the news it still had to weigh on her. And he knew he probably hadn't made things any easier as he'd brought up wanting children with her one more than one occasion.

Angel felt his heart break at the news that Buffy could probably never carry her own child, their child, again. For her as well as for himself. Yes, there were other options but it was still a lot to take in like this. It did not change his feelings toward her, nor steer him away from wanting to raise a family with her someday though in the slightest. They could make it work, in one way or another. He was determined for her to know this, that he would be there through anything, that he wanted his future to be with her and her alone.

Angel worried for what could be going on with her now. Right now it was all up in the air it seemed, but Lorne telling him everything behind Buffy's back was no small matter. It meant he was scared enough to come to him with this. And Angel could barely even hold it together as one thought to another passed through his mind of what might be wrong.

It couldn't be anything serious. He couldn't take that. It had to be some sick joke or something.

OoOoO

It didn't take Angel long to find her. His eyes raked the room quickly, doing a double take at the small bundle in one of the chairs in the corner. He felt his knees wanting to give out at the sight of her. First, with relief of just seeing her then secondly, because he felt his stomach drop out to the floor.

Buffy sat there, her knees up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Her face was puffy and red, her shoulders shaking as tears flowed down her beautiful features. One hand came up to cup over her mouth a second later as her sobs grew more violent.

Angel felt like he was having an out-of-body experience as he slowly walked across the small room to her. He sucked in a breath, kneeling down beside her. "Buffy?" he said softly, his hands reaching out for her.

"A-Angel?" she breathed out after a minute, looking confused. "Why... wh-what are you doing here?"

He was about to answer when the two of them were joined by a young blonde woman. "Miss Summers?" the girl said. "I'm here to take you to Doctor Rosenberg now." She looked at Buffy, then Angel. "Are you the father?"

Angel nearly felt his eye bulge out of his head. "What?" he asked.

The girl began to look a little panicked after seeing the look on his face. "Umm, I mean... Umm... I'm new here... Sorry..." she trailed off sheepishly.

Angel looked from the girl back to Buffy. His mind felt like it could explode at any given moment.

"It's okay," Buffy said after taking a deep breath in. "Yes, he's the father. And thank you," she got out, starting to gather up her things while wiping her face some.

"Oh, good," the girl breathed out.

On instinct, Angel began to help Buffy get her things and follow the two women. He felt like his legs were ready to go out from under him at any moment though. One second ago he was thinking every horrible thing someone can image, and then this bomb was dropped on him?

OoOoO

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked moments after the girl left them alone.

Angel ran a hand through his hair, beginning to pace around the small exam room. "L-Lorne came in to talk to me earlier, when I got to the office," he began. "He was worried about you. He said..."

Buffy was about to respond when the door opened. "H-hi," the new blonde girl who stepped inside said shyly. "I-I'm Tar-Tara. I'll be he-helping Wil-Doctor Rosenberg today," she told them.

Buffy smiled warmly at her and introduced herself and Angel before going through a few initial questions with her.

It wasn't long before another knock at the door and a redhaired woman around their age popped her head in with a bright smile. "Hi," she greeted. "How is everyone today? I'm Willow Rosenberg," she told them. "And I hear we have a miracle baby in our mix."

Buffy began to go over her past history with the two women while Angel quietly listened. Her old files were gone through, Buffy told them what had happened with her miscarriage before and what she'd been told after that point, leading up to the new news. Willow began to ask them how long they'd been together, growing more excited by the moment.

"This really is a miracle baby, huh?" she said. "Let's get a few more questions out of the way, get a few tests run, and then see if we can't get a peek at the little bugger."

OoOoO

Angel was back to pacing around when they had a few minutes alone again.

Buffy folded her hands in her lap, her own mind still trying to process everything. "Look, Angel," she said softly, "I know this is all a lot to take in, and was very much not planned. I know that things with us are... complicated, we have a bad history, us starting over is still very new. This really isn't what I was expecting either. But... I'm not going to hold you to anything or..."

"What?" he cut her off. Angel turned around to look at her. "Buffy, I am not going anywhere," he told her sternly. "I may have messed everything up before, I didn't do what I should have last time. But I'm here now, I'm who I should be, and this is exactly everything I want. I loved you before, I love you now. I would have loved our child back then, I do love that child that we lost, and I am sorry for everything that happened. I will do right this time. It doesn't mean I loved our child before any less, but I can do right this time. I will, if you let me. I want to be with you, and I want this family with you. Maybe this are happening faster than either of us were expecting, yes, but sometimes that's just how life goes. Maybe this, all of this, is fate saying this is our second chance to everything."

"You really believe that?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"It's what I want to believe, yes. Against all odds... here we are. That's too much coincidence for me."

OoOoO

Buffy was told that due to their unusual circumstance she would be seeing her regular OB as well as Doctor Rosenberg more often than with a normal pregnancy and gave her an outline of scheduling and what she might look out for in case something should go wrong. For now, everything looked to be going great, progressing as she should.

It was a relief for both of them to hear that news, but it didn't mean anything was out of the woods either. But for now, it was good to hear.

OoOoO

"You okay?" Angel asked, his voice full of concern. He'd talked Buffy into letting him take them home and say they couldn't come in to work today so just headed back home together.

Buffy wiped at her eyes and face. "Yes," she hiccupped.

His head tilted and he just looked her over for a brief moment before closing the short distance between the two of them and gathering her small body into his arms. She seemed to relax but her tears flowed more freely for several moments before she composed herself once more.

"Sorry," she told him.

"What for?" he asked, brushing his thumb against her cheek when she lifted her head.

"This is all just a lot to take in," she told him. "I thought-I mean the thought had crossed my mind-but I wasn't expecting any of this. This wasn't supposed to be possible. And I'm just... really happy and emotional right now. And confused. And worried. And just about a mixed bag of everything else."

Angel kissed her. "I understand, bit of that myself right now. Including the over the moon happy part. We'll get things figured out. It'll be okay."

OoOoO

Buffy told Lorne the good news while Angel filled his sister in. Together they both wound up telling Wesley but after him they decided they would wait a little longer before telling anyone else. Buffy was worried something would go wrong this early on and didn't want to set herself up for a lot of reactions from others just yet.

Angel had brought up a few things to her she shot down wanting to get in to just yet too such as thinking up names or wanting to buy anything or set up a nursery. He understood where she was coming from but it still bothered him a little. He would sometimes go searching around stores in children's sections or browsing online for things on his own, even got a few things he tucked away back at his place until he had an idea hit him one day of something he had been wanting to do. He'd been thinking about this in terms of later, down the road, but like he had pointed out, sometimes life had plans of it's own and went on a timeline.

He didn't know what Buffy would think about it, but he thought it was all worth the risk. So, with a little help from his friends, Angel began looking for a new place, a real home that he could buy for him, Buffy and their new addition. He could start setting it up and when the time was right he could show it to her. He figured the worst that could happen was she said no and he'd have a new house to do whatever he wanted with.

OoOoO

Buffy smiled as she walked in, finding Angel surrounded by his laptop, notebooks and pens, a few magazines and a stack of books. She knew he was looking into all the baby stuff and hoped she could push that striking fear back soon so she could join in and enjoy all of it. She just hated the idea of going out and buying a ton of stuff, getting excited with plans, just for something to happen. Hopefully it'd pass soon. But for now she knew he was looking into things, making a ton of lists, reading up on all the joys of pregnancy.

She didn't avoid everything like the plague though so a few things had been discussed and even decided on between them with the plans with the new one. They had bought a pregnancy journal and been reading a few books together as a little time passed.

It helped immensely that she had Angel there, she knew that much. And that he wanted to be in the middle of everything as much as he could be.

He was the proud, expecting father in every way so far. He kept her sane, telling her it was all going to be okay when her worries got to be too much. He loved her, more than ever.

And she him.

And hoped to hell there wasn't another shoe going to drop because of it.


End file.
